Where's my royalty check?

Hey, you know how I'm always ripping off The AV Club?

Well, today they ripped me off!

Turnabout's fair play, I guess. I don't see my name in that byline, though!

---

I don't want to reprint my entire post, so if you don't want to click that last link (you should! It has pictures!), which listed ten films I consider among my most rewatchable, I'll summarize it here. In no special order:

Robocop
That Thing You Do!
The Princess Bride
Unforgiven
Rio Bravo
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Spider-Man 2
¡Three Amigos!
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Casablanca

Way, way back in the olden times of August 2007, when I ran that post, I said, "I really like The Big Lebowski, too, but I'm not a part of the ever-growing cult who worships it. (Yet.)" I'm definitely in that cult now, and would add it to that list.

And you folks? Again I ask you: what films, great or cheesy, do you find yourself rewatching most often? Don't be shy!

Sidebar Update!

Time for the coveted Sidebar Update! And barely a month after the last one! Who says I'm not on the ball around here? You? Well, you're a dirty, dirty liar.

The current Object of My Affection is Elizabeth Banks, whom I can't believe I've never mentioned before on this blog. I've been infatuated with her since her appearance as Betty Brant in the first Spider-Man, but where I really fell head over heels for her was when I discovered what a fantastic comedic actress she was in films like Wet Hot American Summer and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and her guest appearances on Scrubs. (She still wasn't enough to get me to see Fred Claus, though.) She, and Kevin Smith, are currently getting some of the best reviews of their careers for the upcoming Zack and Miri Make a Porno, which is a must-see for me. Smith will actually be here in Austin showing a sneak preview of the film on Thursday, though sadly I'll be at a concert and have to miss it. Dang it! Too much fun stuff at once in this crazy town! By the way, have you seen the movie poster which has been banned in the U.S.? I warn you, it will make your eyes bleed and destroy your moral values:


Shocking! Scandalous! By which I mean: whoop-de-fucking-doo. Canada has no problem with this poster. Canada! Jeez, get some balls, America.

Reading: like I said yesterday, I'm tackling David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest. I plan on keeping record of my current page count over on the sidebar, to help humiliate myself into getting through it in a timely fashion. And really, it's not an especially difficult book, or unpleasant to read; it's just the sheer immensity of it which is intimidating.

Watching: nothing is holding my attention quite like the final season of The Shield. Absolutely riveting, brilliant TV. Not to malign Mad Men, which is very fine, but how the hell does that show get a million Emmy nominations while The Shield doesn't get shit? For Michael Chiklis, Walton Goggins, Forest Whitaker and CCH Pounder to be overlooked in the acting categories is criminal. Seriously, what the hell does Pounder have to do to get the recognition she deserves? As I always seem to say this time of year: if you're nominating Mariska Hargitay for an acting award, you ain't looking hard enough.

Listening: Neil Young's On the Beach, which was recently released for the first time on CD. What a lovely, fantastic album, one I had never before been able to listen to. I was missing out. And the Lyric of the Moment comes from this album as well, from the song "Vampire Blues," which is about the oil industry and rampant gasoline consumerism raping the world. That song is 34 years old. Man, the more things change....

Hating: same jackass, different photo.

COMICS: Wed 1/5/05

Superman: Strength: Really like the story, really don't like the art. I especially like that Pa Kent isn't portrayed as the shining beacon of pure goodness that he usually is. He's still good... but he's only human. I liked that the criminals actually had a well-conceived plan to handle Superman, and even got the drop on him face-to-face. I mean, Superman's head is in a fishbowl! You can't beat that. This book is crazy fun. But the art.... You know, it's funny, at one point I was thinking the art looked closer to an old Mad magazine parody of Superman than to a serious comic Superman -- and then one of the characters said "fershlugginer". Maybe the Mad-looking art was intentional! Potrzebie!

Incredible Hulk: Man oh man, am I glad Peter David is back. Since I gave up on Bruce Jones' run on the book a long time ago, I'm not sure if David is picking up where Jones left off, or just ignoring his run entirely. (I'd prefer the latter.) Interesting new ability (or mutation) for the Hulk -- rather than holding his breath to stay underwater for extended periods, he can actually breathe underwater now (though it isn't pretty how). And the Hulk seems even more savage than usual. I felt a little adrift with this first issue; no idea why, or how, the Hulk is where he is, if this is following up from the previous issue or a fresh start. But I'm hooked, that's for sure.

New Avengers: Who the hell is Sentry? Seriously, this is a character I should have heard of before? Okay, if you say so. Things are a little darker here than I'd expected; was the close-up of Spider-Man's arm snapping strictly necessary? Man, lately everybody wants to take the fun out of Spider-Man. It's bumming me out, dude!

Jubilee: I'm trying to come to terms with my shame for really liking this book. And Dorian isn't helping any! At the comic shop this week, he took delight in calling loudly across the room, "Hey, Tom, the new issue of Jubilee is in!" Yeah, thanks, pal. Well, you know what? It was another good issue! So there! As opposed to New Avengers, this book stands with She-Hulk and Fantastic Four as about the only Marvel titles trying to keep the grim & gritty from taking over completely.

There's always one comic I forget. I know I got five comics this week. I didn't get Brubaker's second issue of Captain America, or Kirkman's Fantastic Four: Foes, although I had both of them in my hand at one point... I liked the first issue of Captain America, and the FF:F book looked all right, but I think I'll wait for the trades on both those titles. (Take that, comics industry!)

Oh! I know. Flaming Carrot Comics. Mike is clearly a big fan; in the store, he gleefully pointed out the new issue to me. So I thought I'd give it a try. About my only previous exposure to this character was through his appearance in Cerebus a million years ago. I think I paged through some of the regular Carrot comics back then, and didn't care for them. Too weird, didn't like the art. I did like this issue, but Burden's art hasn't improved a great deal since then; a lot of it really looks rough, especially the women characters. But I enjoyed the insanity I found so off-putting years ago. The Flaming Carrot is basically a madman, spouting non sequiturs while assaulting his enemies with a baloney gun. Funny stuff. I laughed a number of times, enough to get me past some of the weaknesses in the book.

MOVIES: Top Ten

I lied again. Today's top ten list is movies, not comics.

Wow, I saw a lot more movies this year than I thought I had. According to this list, these are all the films I saw in 2004 whose first theatrical release in America was during this calendar year. The ones I saw first on DVD or TV are marked with an asterisk. (Links go to my original review of the film, where applicable.)

We'll start with my ten best first:

1. Fahrenheit 9/11
   The most powerful, infuriating, chilling, and yes, important film of the year. I wish more of the people filling the seats for Passion of the Christ had seen this film instead, and had opened their hearts and their eyes to the real pain, the real horror, the real suffering happening to real people, right now.



2. Hero
   Epic in scale and emotion, this martial arts masterpiece was ceaselessly thrilling to behold. I look forward to seeing the current release House of Flying Daggers by the same director, which is, by all accounts, even better.



3. The Incredibles
   I can't believe an animated film better than Shrek 2 came along this year. That's a good year for animation. This is simply a great movie, not just a great cartoon.



4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
   Ceaselessly amazing in its visual inventiveness and its unflinching look at the power -- and the pain -- of love. Anyone who still denies Jim Carrey's acting prowess after seeing this film deserves a poke in the eye.



5. Spider-Man 2
   Is it the best superhero movie ever made, as Roger Ebert claims? Could be, could be. Only the original two Supermans even come close. It was certainly a giant leap forward for the genre, investing as much attention in its characters as in its spectacular action sequences.



6. Kill Bill Vol. 2
   The ultra-violence took a back seat to character development this time around, but that just meant more opportunities for the trademark Tarantino dialogue to flow. Super-cool, as are all things QT, but with an emotional resonance he's never before achieved.



7. Shaun of the Dead
   A great comedy and a great horror film, with surprisingly touching dramatic moments interspersed throughout the laughter and gore.



8. The Dreamers*
   I've tried before to write my review of Bernardo Bertolucci's wonderful film, but words failed me. It's a chronicle of cultural revolution, cinematic revolution, and sexual revolution. It's beautiful, it's ethereal, it's provocative, it's compelling, it's smart and seductive and it's the most erotic thing to hit the screens this year -- every word of which applies as equally to the film as it does to its breathtaking leading lady, Eva Green, making her transcendent film debut. She's as luminous and electric as Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, as Grace Kelly in Rear Window, as Kim Novak in Vertigo. But with copious amounts of nudity.



9. Shrek 2
   Funny, touching, exciting, beautiful, even better than the original, with a great vocal performance by Jennifer Saunders as the Fairy Godmother nearly stealing the movie from that big green ogre.



10. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
    The funniest movie of the year. Will Ferrell is unquestionably the new king of comedy.

TIED FOR ELEVENTH PLACE

Dawn Of The Dead
Best straight-up horror movie of the year, with incredible special effects and action, and an ending true to the zombie genre.

Garden State
The first half deserves to make the top ten; the second half kept it out. Still a tremendous debut film from Zach Braff.

Spartan*
A truly smart and suspenseful thriller, from writer-director David Mamet, with Val Kilmer showing he still knows how to act.

Team America: World Police
Another contender for funniest movie of the year, just edged out by Anchorman.

The Terminal
Spielberg and Hanks, together again. Funny and sweet, but with a miscalculated romantic plot with Catherine Zeta-Jones gumming up the works.

ALSO WORTHY

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Mean Girls*
The Punisher*

PROBABLY COULD'VE WAITED FOR THE DVD

Broken Lizard's Club Dread
The Bourne Supremacy
Hellboy
Starsky & Hutch

WISELY DID WAIT FOR THE DVD

50 First Dates*
Eurotrip*
Home On The Range*
The Lion King 1 1/2*
Man on Fire*
Napoleon Dynamite*
Taking Lives*

THE WORST PIECE OF CRAP OF THE YEAR (TIE)

The Butterfly Effect*
The Grudge

POTPOURRI

I've been going very slowly through the Essential Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 6 collection, because, despite the fact that I think these stories may represent the height of Spidey's comic book popularity, encompassing many landmark events (like Gwen Stacy's death and the introduction of the Punisher), and may well be the era during which most long-term comics fans were first introduced to the character (I know the first issues I ever read as a kid are contained in this book)... where was I going with this?

Oh, yeah, despite how popular and iconic these issues are, they are just horribly, horribly, horribly written. Gerry Conway has to be one of the very worst writers in the history of comics. And I say that even with the painful memories of Todd McFarlane's Spider-Man still poisoning some small corner of my mind.

But what's worse, the way Conway writes Spider-Man, Spidey comes off as a world class asshole. He's always snubbing his friends, insulting Mary Jane when she's trying to cheer him up, abandoning his best friend Harry, who's in heroin withdrawal and whose father has recently been killed. But what's more, rather than stopping crime, he exacerbates it, actively preventing super-villains from curing themselves of their powers.

In two comics released the very same month (cover dated June, 1974), Amazing Spider-Man #133 and Giant-Size Super-Heroes featuring Spider-Man #1, Conway's Spider-Man stops Molten Man and Morbius (respectively) from obtaining the potential cure for their conditions.

In the former, Spider-Man basically pieces together what the Molten Man has been trying to do (gather ingredients needed to recreate what originally made him the Molten Man in an effort to halt the radioactive decay of his body -- radiation which, by the way, is far more deadly than he ever was in his pre-decaying state), but still engages him in battle, endangering police and other innocent bystanders along the way. (In one scene, Spidey actually clobbers two policemen who confront him, sending them into unconsciousness with, "Pleasant dreams... creeps!") As the Molten Man's death approaches, he cries,

"I only needed time--! Time to reverse the deterioration-- but Spider-Man wouldn't stop hounding me! [...] Now you've attacked me, when I was so close to success! I had all the elements I needed to cure myself-- all but one, and that one I stole this evening--! If I'd escaped, I could have rediscovered the formula that created this accursed golden shell... I could have saved myself if it hadn't been for--"

And what is Spider-Man's thoughtful response? "Sure you could have, Raxton-- and my name's Santa Claus!" What a Spider-Dick. Oh, by the way, in the ensuing fight, Spidey throws the Molten Man's precious ingredients into the river, which the Molten Man dives after; upon hitting the freezing water, the Molten Man explodes. Nice. Real nice.

In Giant-Size Etc., Morbius, "the Living Vampire," is trying to reach Professor Ward, a hematologist who has "developed a process to completely replace a person's blood". Clearly, Morbius is seeking a cure for himself. When he enters the professor's lab, he says, "I've been in Hell, Professor Ward... and I've come to you to release me!" Enter Spider-Man, who jumps in, fists swinging, rather than letting the completely non-threatening, non-violent Morbius use the prof's knowledge to help himself. In the fight, the professor's lab equipment is destroyed, leading a stricken Morbius to lament,

"Ward said that without it, his experiment was useless-- [...] You've caused me to destroy what might be my last chance, Spider-Man..."

And Morbius flees. But it turns out the professor's equipment is not destroyed; Spidey switched out the real stuff with spare parts. He planned not only to prevent Morbius from obtaining a cure, but also to make him lose all hope that a cure might ever be found. And then he blithely allowed Morbius to escape. In fact, he must have expected Morbius to escape; if he thought he could capture him, the elaborate ruse wouldn't have been needed. Dude! What is the point? Rather than cure him, or catch him, you deprive him of hope and set him loose? That won't cause any trouble, I'm sure. Dumbass.

---

In the past couple days this site has been getting scads of hits from Johanna's Cognitive Dissonance. And I can't figure out why. I assumed she had linked to me (possibly to my year-end TV roundup, which seriously, that took a long time, do me a solid and at least skim it if you haven't already, and what, are you allergic to commenting?), but nope. No link, other than the sidebar. I guess she just gets a ton of traffic that also visits her sidebar links. Well, regardless of the reason: sweet. Hell, why don't you go check out her site when you're done here? Very nice comics reviews and links to be found there!

---

I'm a little hesitant to continue the top ten lists this week, because for one thing, other than TV, I'm not sure what other field I could really make a definitive list for. I could go through all the movies I've seen this year (like Monty just did), but 1) I haven't seen all that many, and 2) I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I mostly saw mainstream, blockbuster-type fare. Even Fahrenheit 9/11 was a blockbuster of sorts.

Books? I doubt I've read many more than ten books total this year. (Exclude children's books, like the Lemony Snicket stuff, and I'm probably down to single digits.) I've been very lax about my non-comic reading. I still haven't read that last damn Dark Tower book! I've only been waiting for the conclusion to the series for twenty years; what the hell is keeping me from getting to it?

And speaking of comics, I guess I could cobble some kind of list together, but I think I don't read as wide a variety of comics as I should to make a very interesting list, and I don't really have the recall to single out specific issues or landmarks from longer than about a month ago. I could name Street Angel and Eightball and American Elf and She-Hulk and Ex Machina and Girl Genius and Fables and We3 and Scurvy Dogs (and indeed I will, should I crack down and get to that list), but I can barely remember what happened last month in Y: The Last Man, let alone recall comics highlights from January. I'm a poor excuse for a comics fan.

Hey, I think I may just have written my top ten comics list, right there. Counting Y... yep, that's ten. Welp, that was easier than I thought! What, I should maybe do more commentary on those titles? Okay, maybe I will have a list to post tomorrow, after all.

COMICS: Wed. 11/17/04

Only read half the comics I got yesterday.

Marvel Team-Up: The art had an unusual style; it looked good in some places, not so good in others. I like the idea of this comic, but the first issue doesn't hit its potential; it's not awful, but neither is it tremendously promising. Kirkman falls back on the dopey cliche of having superheroes attack each other rather than spend ten seconds explaining the situation. But he gets off a few good lines (such as Wolverine's comment that he can track Spider-Man by following the trail of bad jokes), gives Peter Parker a fun soap opera situation at school, and puts Wolverine into a clever bind. I'll stick around for another issue, at the very least.

The Pulse: Hated the artwork. And... well, Dorian puts it so much better himself:

The Secret War tie-in issue of The Pulse basically consists of Jessica Jones standing around for twenty-two pages looking confused while incomprehensible things happen. So, it's an accurate representation of what it's like for readers trying to figure out what the hell is supposed to be happening in Secret War.

Is this artist change permanent? And is this really gonna be a five-issue arc of nothing happening? I'm going to have to seriously consider dropping this title.

Madrox: I hate David Lloyd's (it's still David Lloyd, right?) cover art -- ugly and muddy -- and the inside art, while growing on me slightly, still doesn't thrill me. I like Strong Guy's scene, and I like that Jamie's facing an apparently bad version of one of his duplicates. But that thing with the card through the guy's throat -- please. Seriously, that's such utter bullshit I still can't believe I actually read it. What, is Madrox Bullseye all of a sudden? I don't care if you shoot a playing card out of a cannon, it's not going to slice a guy's throat (unless those goons were playing with cards made out of razor blades). That scene is so frickin' stupid, it drained away a great deal of my enthusiasm for this series.

Fantastic Four: Still a great big bundle of fun. I loved seeing Johnny and Sue trying to master each other's powers (even though I still think the fact that Reed was able to switch their powers in the first place is kinda dopey), I loved the flashback scenes to Johnny's childhood and to Ben's first date with Alicia, I loved that Reed actually displayed a sense of humor -- this book is relatively lightweight, but the writing and art are tremendously, consistently enjoyable.

COMICS: Wed. 10/27/04

Amazing Spider-Man: Why did I even get this issue? Morbid curiosity, I guess. I wonder if the bit with the Spider-Man stalker/comic book guy on the news was in anticipation of the backlash Straczynski knew he'd be getting from the comics community after his last issue. There are things about this story I think I really could've enjoyed -- Norman Osborn raising his children to hate and kill Peter Parker, a battle on the site of Gwen Stacy's death -- if Straczynski hadn't found it necessary to retroactively befoul the character of Gwen Stacy. Even if it were some bullshit like the kids were cloned from Gwen's blood or something like that, it would be more palatable than the way it stands now.

Daredevil: I read this last night while I was kind of drunk, and I don't remember a goddam thing about it. Other than parts of it were in black & white. And I have no desire to read it again. I gotta force myself not to buy this out of reflex anymore.

We3: This is so fucking brilliant it hurts. To turn these ludicrous animal soldiers first into horrifyingly convincing death dealers, then into objects of unironic, heartbreaking pity -- it's absolutely wonderful writing. And the art -- wow. Quitely is a master. The most beautifully rendered carnage since Bissette and Totleben's Miracleman work. I'm gonna go ahead and say Morrison and Quitely together make for one of the most powerful teams in comics history. The fact that they can actually convey to the reader the way the animals' senses work on a different, higher level than the humans (through the multiple mini-panels, the timelapse photography-style fast motion, and especially the sequence of skewed panels on pages 12 & 13) is awesome. And the emotions that they elicited merely by having 1 lower his head and say, "BAD DOG" -- it's a powerhouse of a comic.

Green Lantern: Rebirth: I picked this one up because apparently I'm a sucker for hype. I've always liked the idea of Green Lantern, but I've never been thrilled enough with any of the comic's writers to make it a regular habit. I'm aware of most of GL's recent history, but still, there is a lot in this issue that makes me feel like I wasn't being allowed to join in the reindeer games. Like the dude in jail with the giant head, Hector Hammond -- what the hell? I kind of liked the story and the writing -- although, in contrast with Mike, I did not enjoy the confrontation between John Stewart and Batman; Batman is portrayed as alternately a raving lunatic, and a cowering weakling, clutching impotently at his cape, and Stewart's self-righteous anger plays as totally false, especially considering the fact that he's defending a man who murdered, like, a bajillion people. (Mike's right about the purty art, though.) But I don't like the idea that a comics fiend like myself still feels left in the dark by any number of references. Why oh why did I buy 20 copies of this issue??

The Authority: Revolution: Has some of the same problems as Green Lantern -- I don't know the Authority universe very well, don't know if the villains are old or new, don't know if this takeover of America commenced with this issue, or if this is continuing something previously established... and so on. But I like Ed Brubaker, and I think I'm going to like this story. The only other Authority comics I've read were the first TPB collection, which I thought was attempting to emulate Miracleman -- superheroes take over the world -- with none of the subtlety or thoughtfulness, just a bunch of idiots punching people's brains out. This first issue of Brubaker's puts some of that thought that was lacking into the story. I'm definitely going to want to read the whole 12 issues -- I just haven't decided if I'm going to continue with it monthly, or wait for the trade.

COMICS: More Wed. 9/29/04

Daredevil: Hey, an oversized issue with two whole pages of story! Gee, thanks, Mr. Bendis! You're the swellest! Actually, I didn't really expect anything other than that from an anniversary issue. It was actually pretty darn entertaining, with some gorgeous art. But using all those different artists really made me wish someone, anyone else would do the regular artwork other than Maleev. After Bachalo, P. Craig Russell and co., Maleev's two pages at the end looked even crappier to me than his art usually does. I enjoyed the bits with Spider-Man and Dr. Strange, I really got a kick out of the Punisher sequence, even if the character doesn't quite feel right when not written by Ennis, and I would've enjoyed the Nick Fury bit more if Bendis didn't have him do that hesitant, repeating words thing like he does for every other character. Wow, I'm complaining that Bendis makes some characters sound the same. I bet I'm the first person ever to do that.

Amazing Spider-Man: Dude, whatever. Gwen Stacy screwed Norman Osborn? I buy that. Yeah, because that's so in keeping with her character. She was the queen of the mercy fucks, that girl was. Maybe she was under mind control. Or she was a clone! Yeah, that's the ticket. This whole issue was one big "fuck you" to long-time fans. Thanks a crapload, Straczynski. Seriously, I don't get into that fannish, "that betrays the characters and history" thing very much, because, well, it's stupid. But I have to say: that betrays the characters and history. This all better be a dream sequence or something. Love the art, though.

Invincible: Good issue, setting up some interesting future plots. I like the crossover with the big alien invasion from Brit last month. (Is that going through all the Image titles? Or just the Kirkman ones?) Robot's about ready to snap, I think.

New Frontier: Pretty great ending to a series that took a long time to win me over, but finally did in a big way. I absolutely love that Flash and Green Lantern were the big heroes. Very, very cool. And nice tie-in with the first JLA adventure at the very end. I need to read this whole series again.

COMICS: Wed. 9/29/04

For someone who's listed on the Comic Weblog Updates page, I don't write about comics a whole awful lot. Well, here's some thoughts on yesterday's purchases.

Daredevil: Didn't read it.

Amazing Spider-Man: Didn't read it.

Invincible: Didn't read it.

New Frontier: Didn't read it.

No wonder I don't write about comics very much. By the time I read the damn things, it's irrelevant.

I did read all the Marvel 2099 books (and by the way, thanks a pantsload for putting them all out on the same day, Marvel! Way to serve the typical fan's budget best. Douchebags). I bought all five of them, because Robert Kirkman wrote them. Okay, I think I've finally been cured of that habit.

Not that they were all bad. Just that none of them were really spectacular. And I was surprised that all the issues were one-and-done. (I'm sure everyone else was aware of this, but I guess I don't really pay attention to much of anything that's happening in comics other than what I can see right in front of me on the shelves.)

I liked Punisher 2099 just for the fact that Kirkman followed up on the Punisher/Elektra love connection Garth Ennis threw out as a joke a year or two ago. So Frank and Elektra have a baby in 2038 (according to the dates on Cassandra's tombstone)? Let's see, Frank was in Vietnam, so, being extremely generous, let's say he was 21 in 1975. That would make him a proud papa at the age of 84! Take that, Tony Randall! Hell, forget Frank -- Elektra's the one who had to suffer through an octogenarian labor. That'll break a hip. Other than that little bit of backstory, I didn't much care for the issue, though. Even Pop Mhan's art, which I dig on SpyBoy, didn't really thrill me here.

Mutant 2099: The brain of Reed Richards in a Ben Grimm robot. That should have been a lot cooler than it was. I just kept thinking, why don't the Sentinels catch Reed and the kid, already? Reed's flying around in his jetcar, the kid's zapping Sentinels -- but they easily evade capture. And there's a gigantic mole people invasion right out in broad daylight, and no Sentinels show up? They're really pretty ineffective, aren't they? How the hell did they defeat every superpowered being on Earth?

Inhumans 2099: This had a very dark and interesting twist at the end, but I think it would've worked better for me if I knew who the hell the Inhumans were. I mean, I know who they are, I'm aware they exist, I've seen them in comics like Fantastic Four, and, I don't know, X-Men or Hulk, I guess, but they never really interested me. The only one whose name I knew was Black Bolt, and I didn't even know he had a brother. So, yeah, some of the impact of the ending was lost on me. Still: pretty cool.

Black Panther 2099: I know nothing of Black Panther. Does the current version often fight Doctor Doom? Seems like a bit of a mismatch to me, but whatever. And are the Sentinels confined only to America? You'd think, if they could've destroyed every single superhero, they could've gotten to Doom in Latveria, too. But again: whatever. And the issue as a whole? You guessed it: whatever.

Daredevil 2099: This was probably my favorite of the 2099s. I really liked the ending, where we learn Fisk is not just carrying on the tradition of Matt Murdock, he's carrying on his grandfather's as well, committing evil as the Kingpin and atoning for it as the Daredevil. How Catholic of him! And I liked that, in Kirkman's world, the original Kingpin eventually defeated and killed Daredevil. Good story.

So, all in all, I'd say this 2099 experiment was a bit of a failure. None of them were really designed to be continuing stories, but if they did turn into regular series, or if a generic Marvel 2099 title were launched, I doubt I'd buy any of them. Which is a failure in my eyes.

And I've learned to stop buying comics just because Kirkman's name is on the cover. Invincible and Walking Dead, yes. Anything else: doubtful. I mean, why the hell am I still buying Captain America? It's quite bad. (Although I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed the first issue of Kirkman's Jubilee. I'm a teenage girl, apparently.)

COMICS: More 8/25/04

Astonishing X-Men: So Colossus is back. Prompting me to ask the question: he was gone? Seriously, he's been dead? Okay, if you say so.

I'm joking, a little. Don't post a comment telling me when and how Colossus died; I've gleaned as much as I want to know from other blog entries about this issue. But before this week, I honestly did not know he was supposedly dead. Nor would I have cared. I'm not an X-fan by any stretch; I only pick up the books when I'm interested in the writers, such as Whedon, Grant Morrison, or Peter David. This issue highlights why it's so hard for me to care about the X-characters even when good writers are in charge: there's just so... much... crap. All the titles, all the characters, all the stupid, stupid, sub-soap opera quality plots. I'd much prefer a writer to do something new with these damn mutants, rather than resurrecting the dead, or rehashing ancient stories. Even Morrison did it. Jean Grey is the Phoenix again? You know what? FUCK the Phoenix! Jesus Christ! Trying to write a new and interesting Phoenix storyline is like trying to come up with a new and funny chicken-crossing-the-road joke. It can be done, I suppose, theoretically -- but why? Move on, people, move on.

I probably should stop buying this book.

We3: Speaking of Morrison... This book swept me up in a way Morrison's Seaguy totally failed to do. Maybe because it's not quite so relentlessly, mind-scramblingly weird for the sake of being weird. I mean, it's weird, don't get me wrong. But the art by Quitely, gorgeous as always, helped me ease into the story in a way Seaguy's artwork did not, and, though the story is weird, there actually is a story. And it's somewhat coherent!

I don't mean to rip on Morrison so harshly. I like almost everything he's written. I appreciate a comic which is challenging; I don't much care for a comic which I feel is mocking me for not getting it, like I felt Morrison was doing with Seaguy. I look forward to the next issue.

Amazing Spider-Man: I hope Flash Thompson is the father. Does Flash Thompson even still exist in the Spidey universe?

Street Angel: I finally got a back copy of the first issue, and while it wasn't as wildly, inventively, hilariously over-the-top as the second issue, I still enjoyed it a great deal. One of my favorite new comics. Which means it probably won't make it to issue four.

Runaways: I enjoyed the first TPB so much, I went and got the next four-part storyline out of the back issue boxes. I could've waited for another TPB. It was a decent story, kind of fun, but in the end it didn't go much of anywhere, and being broken up into four parts didn't help. The second arc is pretty early for what's basically a placeholder storyline. But hell, now I'm so close to the current issue, I might as well keep on buying the back issues, right? (This is why I'm always broke.)

COMICS: PvP vs. the World Crime League

I love comics. But I love comic strips even more. I'd gladly trade away Spider-Man for my daily fix of Doonesbury. If it came down to Batman or Dilbert, Batman would be out the door so fast his freakin' cowl would spin. If I had to choose between Peanuts and... well, no need to even finish that sentence. I would give up every comic ever for Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

What's got me thinking about this is one man's plan to renovate the comics page: Scott Kurtz's post about comic strip syndication. Kurtz, as you may or may not know, is the creator of the fine and funny online comic strip PvP. And in a few short paragraphs, he's put forth an argument for a comics page business model that's so radical, so revolutionary, so crazy, that it just might destroy the comic strip syndicates, and completely change the world of comic strips.

I'm not going to go into his plan here; if you're interested, he explains his ideas much better than I could. He's got some sound logic and some grand ideas. But he also has some holes in his proposal; primarily, he totally fails to consider that, even if the newspapers want the syndicates to fall, many of the comic strip creators will not. Even with the promise of ownership of their own creations, as well as 100% of the profits from the books and assorted other merchandising the strips may spawn, many creators will still prefer the safety and security of the syndicates to a free market. For one thing, not every strip has a lot of merchandising, nor even the possibility of it; for every Garfield, there are dozens of Mr. Boffos or Drabbles or One Big Happys, for which there's barely a market for the books, let alone the kind of greeting card/birthday hat/plush toy merchandising that would generate enough money to make abandoning the syndicates worthwhile.

I said he fails to consider that fact, but perhaps he has considered it, and discarded it. For one thing, he is presupposing that the comics page is ready to self-destruct on its own, that newspapers are already close to rejecting the syndicates and shutting down their comics pages altogether. And it sounds like his plan is for a younger, newer crowd of strips to take over the comics page, to hell with what came before. And while it may be fine for Get Fuzzy to suddenly be in competition with hundreds of free (or much cheaper) new comic strips, and while it may also be fine for relics like Dennis the Menace, The Family Circus, Marmaduke, and so forth to be permanently retired, what about those established but deserving strips that suddenly find themselves unable to compete in such a market? For Better or For Worse might be a good example here. I think it's still a decent strip, though clearly of another generation. Would it suddenly be lost in the shuffle?

All this is idle speculation, obviously; it may even sound like I'm against Kurtz, but I'm not. The truth is, it's more than likely that Kurtz won't change anything with his plan, and even if he does, it will be in slow and minute increments. But I admire him for proposing such an ambitious plan. And I'm hoping that if he (and hopefully other online cartoonists) and the newspapers successfully take a stand against the stranglehold the syndicates have on the comics page, that one of my fondest dreams may at long last be realized:

Cathy will finally die.

MOVIES: The elevator scene alone: more than worth the price of admission

I saw Spider-Man 2 Saturday, and let me tell you, my friends, I was not disappointed. I was going to save this post till Monday, what's supposed to be my movie posting day, but I can't wait.

I laughed, I was exhilarated, I even choked up a little during a big emotional scene with Aunt May (wonderfully played by Rosemary Harris). (Don't judge me! You know you did, too!) It's the best action picture I've seen in ages, and easily one of the best films of the year.

This I can tell you without spoilers: the action is tremendous, the trailers do not give away nearly as much as I'd feared, the CGI effects are still a little (just a little) iffy with Spider-Man, but with Doc Ock's arms they are absolutely seamless, the Peter/Mary Jane relationship, as well as all the other crises in poor Peter Parker's life, are as interesting as the exploits of Spider-Man, and, best of all, this film is really, really funny in many scenes, especially those featuring J.K. Simmons, who is channeling the soul of J. Jonah Jameson right off the pages of the comics.

The rest involves spoilers great and small, so click and drag if you want to read more. But seriously: I'm spoiling everything here. Read only if you've seen the movie. And apologies to those who may have already posted similar thoughts; I gots to say what I thought, even if you already said it (and probably better).

Okay, first of all, more people couldn't know Spider-Man's secret identity if he took out a billboard in Times Square. A whole train car full of people? Geez. But at that point, Sam Raimi had utterly sold me on believing that not one of them would ever reveal his identity (as though any of them would recognize him, anyway). There's a hero inside all of us, as Aunt May said, and circumstances brought out the hero in a whole train car full of passengers.

And about Aunt May's speech: maybe she secretly suspects Spider-Man's identity, too? That's the major change from the comics that I approve of: Aunt May isn't a simpering, doddering, swooning, frightened old bird as she was in Stan Lee's days; she's a tough old broad, who can change her mind about Spider-Man if she damn well pleases. You can see her steel when she demands Peter accept $20 from her for his birthday. She's just great.

Harry also finds out Spidey's secret -- and Peter, Peter, Peter, you could've handled that better. "Right now this isn't about you and me," he says, when Harry repeats his accusation that Peter killed his father. Couldn't you at least have said, "No, I didn't -- but right now" etc? No, of course he couldn't, because Spider-Man always creates Peter Parker's own problems. Coming June 2006: Spider-Man 3: Return of the Goblin.

Then Peter deliberately exposes his identity to Doc Ock. I mean, come on! But it still worked for me, mainly due to Alfred Molina's chilling, moving performance as Octavius. A change from the comic I wasn't fond of: Doc Ock's arms were always the danger, but Octavius himself has traditionally had a glass jaw. How in the hell can the movie Otto withstand repeated punches to the head from a man whose arms are strong enough to stop a runaway train?

Speaking of Otto: his big, potentially Nobel prize-winning experiment with fusion is great and all -- but those arms! Are those not enough to make a vast fortune and change the world in and of themselves? Harry Osborn is a crappy businessman.

And finally, and oh-so-satisfyingly, Mary Jane gets to see Spider-Man without the mask. It was a thrilling, fanboy moment for me, I have to admit. And just when you think Raimi is going to let Peter throw away Mary Jane's love again, he serves up a curveball of a happy ending. (I mean, once I saw the film was continuing after I thought it would end, with Harry discovering his father's Green Goblin lair, I knew the ending would be happy -- it was the continuation itself that took me by surprise.) I wasn't wild about the movie cliche of a groom left at the altar, but again, I had so much goodwill towards the film and the characters, I could accept it.

And two excellent cameos took me by surprise (well, three, counting Bruce Campbell as an usher, in a funny bit): first, Cliff Robertson as Uncle Ben, in a very emotional dream/vision Peter has, in which he again intones the legendary line, "With great power comes great responsibility," while Peter tearfully counters with the equally legendary, "I am Spider-Man no more!" (Link.)

And secondly, shockingly and powerfully, Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn. As Harry, having discovered his best friend is his most hated enemy, hears the maniacal laughter of his father echo around his empty penthouse, I thought, "I wonder if they had to get permission from Dafoe to use his voice for that laughter?" And then, POW -- there he is in person (well, in Harry's head, but you know what I mean). I've gotta give him credit for signing up for this small but key appearance. It made a great film even better.

One for the nerds: when Spidey caught the wall falling on Mary Jane, who else flashed on the classic Amazing Spider-Man #33: "The Final Chapter!" (link), one of Lee and Ditko's, and Spider-Man's, finest moments? Can't just be me.

And finally, a little praise for Tobey Maguire, who some people aren't thrilled with in this role: I think he's great; he conveys an understated soulfulness which some (and you know who you are) are writing off as emotionless. Kirsten Dunst, on the other hand, could've been given a bit more to do; I think she's great, too. And I also think it's great she's apparently signed a "nipples-showing-through-wet-clothing" clause for the entire trilogy. What a sport.

That's all!

MOVIES: I'm going to rectify certain inequities

I rewatched my Spider-Man DVD today (after a day of panic in which I thought I had lost it). Loved it, as always -- but there's still one thing that bugs (ha!) me about it:

Why does everyone call May Parker "Aunt May"??

Peter, I can understand. Technically, she is his aunt. You've got me there. But why Mary Jane? I mean, do you call your friends' relatives Aunt This and Uncle That and Cousin The Other? If so, why? (And what kind of name is "The Other"?)

And, strangest of all, why in the hell would Norman Osborn address her as Aunt May? He's a grown man, for crying in the night. A corporate giant, a titan of industry. Why would he refer to his son's roommate's aunt as if she were his own? Weird. Next to that, a radioactive spider doesn't sound all that implausible.