Objects of My Affection A to Z

It's yet another Abecedarian List! First was Awesome Stuff of any variety, A to Z. Next was Awesome Albums, A to Z. And now -- inevitably, really -- we come to the Objects of My Affection, A to Z. Hoopla!

Degree of difficulty: moderate to high. I'm not reusing any of the former Objects of My Affection from my sidebar, which rules out an awful lot of the loveliest women in the world. Sorry, Angelina! And I'm not going to reuse anyone I've already named in one of my Abecedarian Lists. Which means no Zooey Deschanel for Z. Dagnabbit! And I gotta tell you, X was tough. I almost cheated and went with a fictional character -- which would be Xena, Warrior Princess, of course.

I expect you will consider this list either sexy and rewarding, or sexist and insulting. So: You're welcome, or: I'm sorry.

And now, enjoy these 26 lovely ladies! (If you are someone who does not enjoy lovely ladies, go look at those pictures of Zac Efron again, I guess.)

Aishwarya Rai

Roger Ebert: "Not only the first but also the second most beautiful woman in the world."

Bijou Phillips

Specialty: nude scenes that kind of make you want to die (see Bully, Havoc).

Claudia Black

Hottest multiple sci-fi franchise actress since Denise Crosby went from Next Generation to Lois & Clark. How's that for obscure?

Angie Dickinson

One of the few broads tough enough to hang with the Rat Pack.

Elle Macpherson

Four Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue covers, plus Sirens. Seriously, have you seen Sirens? Sexiest movie in history.

Tina Fey

Glasses and cleavage: best combo since peanut butter and chocolate.

Grace Kelly

As I've said before: the most beautiful woman ever to have lived.

Audrey Hepburn

Beautiful enough to turn Truman Capote straight (if only the fictionalized version of him).

Illeana Douglas

Her "unconventional beauty," with which she is sometimes attributed, would've made for a hell of a femme fatale in the noir classics of the '30s.

Judy Greer

Specialty: meek girls with a wild streak waiting to be unleashed.

Keri Russell

Recipient of the haircut that almost doomed the WB. Which doesn't actually exist anymore, come to think of it.

Liv Tyler

How is it that she looks so much like her father, yet he's so ugly and she's so gorgeous?

Marilyn Monroe

The ultimate sex goddess.

Nancy Allen

Brian De Palma muse; RoboCop's partner. That's right: I can work RoboCop into any discussion.

Olivia d'Abo

Kevin Arnold's hot hippie sister on The Wonder Years, and lead actress in one of my favorite movies, Noah Baumbach's Kicking and Screaming.

Parker Posey

Queen of Independent Film; she's always adorable, even when she's totally nuts.

Linnea Quigley

Scream Queen legend, whose immortality is guaranteed as "Trash," the punk girl/naked cemetery dancer in Return of the Living Dead.

Rebecca Romijn

Super hot even when she's painted blue in X-Men; I prefer the natural look.

Melissa Stark

Won my heart as a sideline reporter for Monday Night Football; later became an MSNBC anchor. Current whereabouts: unknown.

Tuesday Weld

One of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis; Matthew Sweet album cover girl; icon.

Uma Thurman

Her 1988 one-two punch in Dangerous Liaisons (in which John Malkovich promises to teach her "a few Latin phrases"), and as Venus in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, made a permanent impression on my teenage heart (and libido).

Valerie Perrine

From her performance as porn star Montana Wildhack in Slaughterhouse-Five, to her taboo-shattering nude scenes on public television in Steambath, to her Oscar-nominated role as Lenny Bruce's stripper wife in Lenny, to, yes, Miss Teschmacher in Superman, she was one of the defining figures in 1970s film sexuality. I miss that decade.

Alicia Witt

Went from roles in David Lynch projects as a teen to Alexander Payne and John Waters as an adult. Not bad. Also: that red hair = smokin' hot.

Xenia Seeberg

Lingerie model and actress in the sci-fi series Lexx, which is one weird and sexy show.

Yvonne Craig

Next to Julie Newmar's Catwoman, the main reason I watched Batman as a kid.

Sheri Moon Zombie

As Baby in The Devil's Rejects, she's the hottest film psycho since Kathy Bates. Wait... make that Norman Bates. Wait... oh, forget it.

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This is still fun for me, but I think I have to take a bit of a break from the Abecedarian Lists. Don't want to burn out on them! Maybe another one in a couple of weeks.