Tom gives up on the Emmys -- Part 3

Part 1.
Part 2.

That was an incredibly classy and touching tribute to Johnny Carson. But as others have mentioned: how interesting that it was David Letterman that presented it, not Jay Leno (who was indeed in the audience). Interesting, but not surprising. After all, whose show did Carson make an appearance on after his retirement, Dave's or Jay's? (Dave's, for those of you to whom that was not a rhetorical question.)

Okay, as tired as I am of Brad Garrett, that was funny. Speaking for the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray Romano says they no longer have to be funny, since they don't have a show to promote. "Well, we should try to be a little funny, because there may be a spin-off," Brad says, casually raising his Emmy.

Then they give another Emmy to Jon Stewart, so that's cool, too.

Then another damn "Emmy Idol" thing. The theme from The Jeffersons this time. Man, I can't stand Macy Gray. And some dude from CSI is singing with her? What the?

Patricia Arquette comes out to present other presenters -- the winners of Guest Actor and Actress in a Drama. Ah, if only this were her only appearance at the Emmys this year. (Foreshadowing!) Ray Liotta won the Guest Actor Emmy, so he presents Best Directing for a Drama. There are seven nominees. Wait, they can nominate seven people for Director, but they can't figure out a way to get Michael Chiklis a nomination for Best Actor? Or John C. McGinley for Best Supporting Actor? Why not more than five in the acting categories too, dammit! Ah, whatever. J.J. Abrams wins for Lost, which is not as good as Deadwood winning, but not as bad as anything else winning. (This theme will recur.)

Now here's Best Writing in a Drama. House wins? Huh. Actually, I remember the nominated episode, and it was truly stellar. Still, I'm surprised it beat Lost. And wait -- Deadwood wasn't even nominated? Cocksuckers!

Halle Berry presents Best Actor in a Miniseries, and there's a long, awkward silence between when she says, "Here are the nominees," and when she starts reading their names. Either there was a technical glitch with the film clip listing the nominees, or she just forgot what she was supposed to be doing.

There's been a woman in a green dress that they've kept showing in the audience, and I've been wondering all night who it was. Conveniently, she presents the awards for Directing and Writing for a Miniseries -- it's Ellen Pompeo from Grey's Anatomy. Hmm. I've never watched that show. I might now.

Geena Davis and Matthew Fox present Best Actress in a Miniseries. Geena mispronounces S. Epatha Merkerson's name. Dude, you had five names to memorize. Was that really so hard?

Oh, she's the one who lost her thank you notes down the bodice of her dress. Oh, that's so embarrassing. She's so adorably flustered by it. But she keeps going! That moment is going to be replayed for years.

Then we get to the bit I've been waiting for, Jon Stewart's taped message regarding the government response to Katrina. It is awesome. "Can't hear it? Let me turn it up for you!"

Desperate Housewives wins for Directing in a Comedy, Arrested Development wins for Best Writing in a Comedy. One of these shows is not a comedy. Can you guess which one? Ah, very nice, Mitch Hurwitz points out that "this is the second time the Academy has awarded us for a show that you people won't watch." Hopefully that changed tonight. You all watched the season premiere earlier tonight, didn't you? You better. Or I will shake my fist at you!

Now Quentin Tarantino comes out to present with the smokin' hot Marg Helgenberger, and it just makes me sad that a goofy, hyper, boxy-headed freak like him gets to hang out with someone like her. Time for the last break of the evening!

Part the Last.