MOVIES: Top Ten

I lied again. Today's top ten list is movies, not comics.

Wow, I saw a lot more movies this year than I thought I had. According to this list, these are all the films I saw in 2004 whose first theatrical release in America was during this calendar year. The ones I saw first on DVD or TV are marked with an asterisk. (Links go to my original review of the film, where applicable.)

We'll start with my ten best first:

1. Fahrenheit 9/11
   The most powerful, infuriating, chilling, and yes, important film of the year. I wish more of the people filling the seats for Passion of the Christ had seen this film instead, and had opened their hearts and their eyes to the real pain, the real horror, the real suffering happening to real people, right now.



2. Hero
   Epic in scale and emotion, this martial arts masterpiece was ceaselessly thrilling to behold. I look forward to seeing the current release House of Flying Daggers by the same director, which is, by all accounts, even better.



3. The Incredibles
   I can't believe an animated film better than Shrek 2 came along this year. That's a good year for animation. This is simply a great movie, not just a great cartoon.



4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
   Ceaselessly amazing in its visual inventiveness and its unflinching look at the power -- and the pain -- of love. Anyone who still denies Jim Carrey's acting prowess after seeing this film deserves a poke in the eye.



5. Spider-Man 2
   Is it the best superhero movie ever made, as Roger Ebert claims? Could be, could be. Only the original two Supermans even come close. It was certainly a giant leap forward for the genre, investing as much attention in its characters as in its spectacular action sequences.



6. Kill Bill Vol. 2
   The ultra-violence took a back seat to character development this time around, but that just meant more opportunities for the trademark Tarantino dialogue to flow. Super-cool, as are all things QT, but with an emotional resonance he's never before achieved.



7. Shaun of the Dead
   A great comedy and a great horror film, with surprisingly touching dramatic moments interspersed throughout the laughter and gore.



8. The Dreamers*
   I've tried before to write my review of Bernardo Bertolucci's wonderful film, but words failed me. It's a chronicle of cultural revolution, cinematic revolution, and sexual revolution. It's beautiful, it's ethereal, it's provocative, it's compelling, it's smart and seductive and it's the most erotic thing to hit the screens this year -- every word of which applies as equally to the film as it does to its breathtaking leading lady, Eva Green, making her transcendent film debut. She's as luminous and electric as Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, as Grace Kelly in Rear Window, as Kim Novak in Vertigo. But with copious amounts of nudity.



9. Shrek 2
   Funny, touching, exciting, beautiful, even better than the original, with a great vocal performance by Jennifer Saunders as the Fairy Godmother nearly stealing the movie from that big green ogre.



10. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
    The funniest movie of the year. Will Ferrell is unquestionably the new king of comedy.

TIED FOR ELEVENTH PLACE

Dawn Of The Dead
Best straight-up horror movie of the year, with incredible special effects and action, and an ending true to the zombie genre.

Garden State
The first half deserves to make the top ten; the second half kept it out. Still a tremendous debut film from Zach Braff.

Spartan*
A truly smart and suspenseful thriller, from writer-director David Mamet, with Val Kilmer showing he still knows how to act.

Team America: World Police
Another contender for funniest movie of the year, just edged out by Anchorman.

The Terminal
Spielberg and Hanks, together again. Funny and sweet, but with a miscalculated romantic plot with Catherine Zeta-Jones gumming up the works.

ALSO WORTHY

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Mean Girls*
The Punisher*

PROBABLY COULD'VE WAITED FOR THE DVD

Broken Lizard's Club Dread
The Bourne Supremacy
Hellboy
Starsky & Hutch

WISELY DID WAIT FOR THE DVD

50 First Dates*
Eurotrip*
Home On The Range*
The Lion King 1 1/2*
Man on Fire*
Napoleon Dynamite*
Taking Lives*

THE WORST PIECE OF CRAP OF THE YEAR (TIE)

The Butterfly Effect*
The Grudge

This Week in IMDb Chatboard Idiots

I forgot to mention, when I wrote about The Incredibles, the Pixar short that played right before it, the Oscar-nominated Boundin'. Did that show in every theater?

It's a cute little story, narrated in half-spoken/half-sung rhyme, about a sheep who loves to dance, until his wool gets sheared and the other animals make fun of his new look. Along comes a jackalope, who teaches the sheep not to be ashamed, and to bound with uninhibited joy. The end. It's a slight tale, but fun, and the character designs, especially on the jackalope and the poor naked sheep, are a real kick.

But it would seem not everyone feels that way. In fact, a surprising* number of IMDb reviewers and message board posters have worked themselves into hate-filled, venom-spewing balls of rage over this cute little cartoon. Let's go to the idiots!

tedg starts us off with his semi-coherent conspiracy theory review:

In other words, 'Incredibles' is great because it subtly sticks its finger in the eye of old fashioned parenting. But at the same time, it depends on getting those old fashioned parents to enthusiastically bring their kids to the screen time and time again. How to protect the investment?

Why simply tack on a short that has a moral and doesn't pull the rug out from under it. Make it cheerful and clear. Don't spend much money on the animation, in fact, the more like an old Disney project the better. After all, this is an election year where at least half the US has been artificially sensitized to 'moral values.'

This by itself is dreadful, simplistic, dangerous moralizing, of the Hallmark feelgood variety, very much in the mainstream of protestant teaching of all persuasions: accept injustice and be happy because God probably intended it that way.

But seen as a preemptive strike, it masterful provides cover for the more subversive rattling of 'Incredibles.' A little arsenic makes the sugar go down.

A cartoon about a sheep learning not to be bummed out for being different: "dreadful, simplistic, dangerous moralizing". Pixar has allied itself with George W. Bush and organized religion to brainwash America's children -- am I wrong, or is that not the gist of this review? Pretty impressive for a five-minute cartoon. You frickin' loony.

clodelrath continues on the message boards, in the simply-titled thread "BAD!":

This short was so terrible I almost walked out of the theater, thats right i would have missed whatching the Incredibles just to stop the pain. I almost burst into tears with how bad it was hurting my brain. A tip to anyone going to see the Incredibles use this 5 min to go get yourself popcorn.

When one poster sensibly enough suggests chilling the fuck out, the most likely aptly-named StalkerMan steps up to the plate:

Are you serious? how do you think this was cute OR set the tone for the Incredibles? the Incredibles was an incredible movie for all ages whereas boundin' was a 5 minute long mental rape. if it wasnt for watching the Incredibles afterwards i would now have some form degernative brain disease from this. i mean if you thought this was good you should really get a kick out of Barney or Seseme Street.

That's right, a cartoon about a cute little sheep = a 5 minute long mental rape. I think Barney and Sesame Street might still be a little too advanced for StalkerMan. Maybe he has a "degernative" brain disease.

Once again, we see that nothing is too innocuous or genial to drive someone insane with hatred. Thanks, IMDb Chatboard Idiots!

---

*When I say "surprising," I mean "surprising for anywhere other than the idiot-infested message boards of IMDb."

MOVIES: The Incredibles

Everything good you've heard about The Incredibles is dead right, and then some. It's simultaneously one of the best superhero movies I've ever seen, and one of the best James Bond films I've ever seen; it's one of the funniest comedies of the year, as well as one of the most exciting action movies.

Craig T. Nelson and Holly Hunter are Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl, a superpowered couple that is forced into retirement and a life of suburban boredom after a public backlash against costumed heroes. Their children, sullen teen Violet and hyperactive grade-schooler Dash, also have powers, but have been forced to hide them all their lives. Samuel L. Jackson plays Mr. Incredible's best friend, an ice-powered hero named Frozone (who disappointed me by not having a giant 'fro). And Jason Lee voices the Syndrome (who must have the same barber as the Heat Miser):


(There's even an excellent for-the-grown-ups Kevin Smith shout-out when Mr. Incredible tries to remember Jason Lee's character's real name: "Brophy? Brodie?") As characters, they are all more real than the characters in just about any action movie you can name from the past ten years, totally believable as people, not just cartoons.

The Syndrome's Bond villain-like volcanic island lair is endlessly dazzling to behold, with weapons, vehicles, and architecture so inventive it dizzies the senses. And the superheroic battles are genuinely exciting, with highlights being Elastigirl and kids under attack in a jet on their way to save dad, and a thrilling chase through the jungle (as amazing to watch as Return of the Jedi's speeder bike scene was, once upon a time), with the Syndrome's henchmen piloting what look like giant buzzsaw Frisbees in pursuit of Dash and Violet, who begin to realize the full potential of their powers. And the robots, oh! the robots -- it's almost to much to bear, they're so wickedly wonderful.

It's very rare I watch a film and immediately want to watch it again. Almost as rare as it is to watch a two-hour film and have it fly by like it was ten minutes. This film meets both of those challenges. The Incredibles may not hit quite the same emotional, heartstring-tugging highs as Finding Nemo, and possibly is not quite as hilarious, but in overall quality I'd say it more than matches up. It's a solid contender for best film of the year.