TV: The 2006 Emmys Pre-Show

Normally I call my liveblogging "minute-by-minute," because I can pause the TiVo and note the time for each item I jot down. This year, it's on the fly. And here we go!

--Oh, Christ. Billy Bush. Already I regret this.

--He and Nancy O'Dell talk to Patrick Dempsey. She calls him "so big." Bush asks him if he does his own hair. The Goodyear blimp broadcasts a message to "McDreamy." So much hatred, so quickly.

--It is over 100 degrees, Bush says (it would've been 4 PM at the time). That's why I stayed inside today.

--Bush talks to Randy Jackson. Jackson refers to himself as "the Dawg."

--Steve Carell approaches and Jackson hugs him. Ew. Bush calls Carell a "great sweater." Bush is a douche.

--Jean Smart is rockin' some cleavage. Way to go, girl!

--O'Dell switches back to Bush, who is standing with Lisa Kudrow. Oddly, she just wanders off while he starts talking about some Project Runway crap. Weird.

--Sarah Chalke looks so gorgeous. Why the hell can't she get some Emmy love? Scrubs is bitchin'.

--Maria Menounos has a giggle like fingernails on a chalkboard.

--Jon Voight is surprisingly serene and modest and cool, and then O'Dell has to press him on his daughter, Angelina Jolie, from whom he is estranged. It throws him for a loop; he stammers and evades and mutters some half-hearted niceties. O'Dell is a douche, too.

--Kudrow is back with Bush. They might as well have skipped it.

--Trivia question! "Which series set the record for the most Emmy awards won in a single season?"
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The West Wing
Friends
M*A*S*H

I should know this. Wasn't it West Wing? (EDIT: Look at me doing research for you: yes it was.)

--O'Dell is with Kyra Sedgwick. I like her without the accent she uses on The Closer. It's not a very good accent, is it?

--Bush is with Jaime Pressly. She's purty. She's very gracious. Bush keeps calling her "baby."

--The Shat! They run a factoid below his face: "Never nominated for Star Trek." NO! Really? What a shocker. Then O'Dell actually asks him why that was. "I guess I wasn't very good," he says. Good man!

--Bush talks to Mariska Hargitay. He mentions that her son, August, was born in June, and Bush asks if he was born two months early. She doesn't seem to get it.

--Ellen Pompeo talks to Bush. She's lovely, if a little Zellweger skinny. Kind of makes me want to watch her show a little. Just a little.

--Debra Messing and Megan Mullally talk to O'Dell. Like Sedgwick, it's nice to hear Mullally without the put-on voice, too.

--Kevin James' real-life wife is even more undeservingly hot than his fake TV wife.

--Kiefer Sutherland with O'Dell. He says it's just an honor being nominated along with the other actors. I suspect that was more true in previous years. This year's whole crop of nominees, across the board, is one of the weakest and most cluelessly wrong-headed I've ever seen. And for the Emmys, that's saying a lot.

--A note on a commercial: I was already going to watch Heroes because of Greg Grunberg, who is awesome, but how nice that it appears the show is actually going to be good.

--Julia Louis-Dreyfus with O'Dell. O'Dell of course brings up "the Seinfeld curse," because she's a dumbass.

--Jeremy Piven talks to Bush. Bush asks if he's met Jennifer Garner's baby, or Brad and Angelina's. Piven responds with a heaping helping of contempt. "I don't go hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do. Thank you, Billy... Can you focus on other things?" SO FUCKING AWESOME. I wish I could've paused and rewound that to get the entire exchange. So, so sweet.

--Denis Leary with O'Dell. Out of the blue, she asks him his opinion on Tom Cruise being dumped by Paramount (as Bush just did of Piven -- wish I could've transcribed that, too!). What the hell is with these people?

--More Project Runway crap. More Menounos. Ugh.

--Bush is talking to Evangeline Lilly. She's so hot. I don't care what you say, Samurai Frog!

--This is crushing my soul. I just thought you should know that.

--Barry Manilow is here! He is not looking good. He's going in for hip surgery tomorrow. Damn, now that's a trouper!

--Bush talks to Paula Abdul. She looks a little loopy. Shocker!

--Sean Hayes is dating a woman! No, wait, it's his niece. My bad.

--O'Dell with Warren Beatty and Annette Bening. O'Dell asks Bening if she wants an Emmy to go with her Oscar. "He has an Oscar," Bening awkwardly has to correct her. Yikes.

--Bush and O'Dell and some guy named Tony inanely babble away the last moments before the show starts. Please go away now. And they do. On to the real travesty!