COMICS: Half a rant

I wrote a big old rant earlier today, inspired by an unnamed comic shop employee telling me today that the new hardback collection of Neil Gaiman's 1602 only contains the first four issues of the eight issue series. I was outraged! But when I went to the Marvel site to link to the book... it turns out, not so much. It actually contains all eight issues. Oops! But I'd already written this rant. And most of what I said in it is still relevant, and still pisses me off. So I present it to you now, dear reader, with all the stuff about 1602 carefully excised and/or reworded.

We join Tom's rant, already in progress:

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...I'm sick to death of the collections of mini-series or story arcs being split into two volumes, like Batman: Hush (hardback and paperback), or the upcoming New Frontier (it was six issues, but they were double-sized, so same diff). We all know they have the ability to collect 12 issues in one TPB. Crisis on Infinite Earths or Secret Wars or Watchmen are only the first I can name off the top of my head. And that's just for a decent quality reproduction; how many issues are in an Essential collection? Thirty? Same goes for hardback: I've got the Ultimate Marvel Team-Up collection, which is 16 issues plus the double-size Special, and I know there are other hardbacks collecting equal numbers of issues. So there's no possible way to defend splitting twelve issues into two collections.

Other than the very simple explanation: Marvel wants to screw you over. DC wants to screw you over. They've discovered that people are willing to pay collection prices not once, but twice, and they're gonna keep doing it as long as suckers keep paying. Instead of just expanding the page count, collecting a whole mini-series at once, and adding four or five bucks to the standard 6-issue collection price, they're gonna keep the page count down, issue multiple volumes, and effectively double the price every time. Because they can. Because we keep paying for it.

I say: to hell with them. You know, I actually bought the first Batman: Hush TPB. And all this time after the series was first published, I still don't know how it ends, because I've been avoiding everything written about it, in order to have an unspoiled experience reading the entire series all at once, after it was collected. Well, that wasn't good enough for DC. They wanted to screw me over by making me pay for the story twice (and then they didn't even give me the opportunity to pay twice -- it's been over two months since the first volume came out, and the second volume has yet to be released).

Screw me, DC? Screw YOU. I'm not buying the second volume. And I invite all of you reading this: spoil away! Leave a comment and tell me every stupid detail about this stupid story. Who is Hush? What's the deal with Jason Todd? (Despite my best efforts, I still saw some spoilers.) Ruin everything for me, so I'm not tempted even in the least to get the second volume, whenever those greedy bastards release it! I WANT SPOILERS AND I WANT 'EM NOW!!

Same goes for any other collections you plan on splitting in two. The Loeb/Lee Superman arc? Forget it. Waid's Superman: Birthright? I've been really looking forward to getting that collection. But if it's two volumes: FORGET IT.

Go to hell, DC. And you too, Marvel. I'm not going to take this shit anymore. You don't want to give me your comic collections in a fair and reasonable fashion, at a fair and reasonable price? You can keep 'em, wad 'em up in a tiny little ball, and cram 'em.

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EDIT: Ian notes in my comments that Azzarello is writing the Jim Lee Superman story, not Loeb. Shows just how interested I am in that storyline. Thanks, Ian! And Mike would like me to point out that he wasn't wrong about 1602 for very long at all, and actually did a great deal of research when I called the store to ask him if he was sure the book had 4 issues or not. (He couldn't just open the book and look, because it's wrapped in plastic.) Thanks, Mike!

COMICS: More Wed. 9/29/04

Daredevil: Hey, an oversized issue with two whole pages of story! Gee, thanks, Mr. Bendis! You're the swellest! Actually, I didn't really expect anything other than that from an anniversary issue. It was actually pretty darn entertaining, with some gorgeous art. But using all those different artists really made me wish someone, anyone else would do the regular artwork other than Maleev. After Bachalo, P. Craig Russell and co., Maleev's two pages at the end looked even crappier to me than his art usually does. I enjoyed the bits with Spider-Man and Dr. Strange, I really got a kick out of the Punisher sequence, even if the character doesn't quite feel right when not written by Ennis, and I would've enjoyed the Nick Fury bit more if Bendis didn't have him do that hesitant, repeating words thing like he does for every other character. Wow, I'm complaining that Bendis makes some characters sound the same. I bet I'm the first person ever to do that.

Amazing Spider-Man: Dude, whatever. Gwen Stacy screwed Norman Osborn? I buy that. Yeah, because that's so in keeping with her character. She was the queen of the mercy fucks, that girl was. Maybe she was under mind control. Or she was a clone! Yeah, that's the ticket. This whole issue was one big "fuck you" to long-time fans. Thanks a crapload, Straczynski. Seriously, I don't get into that fannish, "that betrays the characters and history" thing very much, because, well, it's stupid. But I have to say: that betrays the characters and history. This all better be a dream sequence or something. Love the art, though.

Invincible: Good issue, setting up some interesting future plots. I like the crossover with the big alien invasion from Brit last month. (Is that going through all the Image titles? Or just the Kirkman ones?) Robot's about ready to snap, I think.

New Frontier: Pretty great ending to a series that took a long time to win me over, but finally did in a big way. I absolutely love that Flash and Green Lantern were the big heroes. Very, very cool. And nice tie-in with the first JLA adventure at the very end. I need to read this whole series again.

COMICS: Wed. 9/29/04

For someone who's listed on the Comic Weblog Updates page, I don't write about comics a whole awful lot. Well, here's some thoughts on yesterday's purchases.

Daredevil: Didn't read it.

Amazing Spider-Man: Didn't read it.

Invincible: Didn't read it.

New Frontier: Didn't read it.

No wonder I don't write about comics very much. By the time I read the damn things, it's irrelevant.

I did read all the Marvel 2099 books (and by the way, thanks a pantsload for putting them all out on the same day, Marvel! Way to serve the typical fan's budget best. Douchebags). I bought all five of them, because Robert Kirkman wrote them. Okay, I think I've finally been cured of that habit.

Not that they were all bad. Just that none of them were really spectacular. And I was surprised that all the issues were one-and-done. (I'm sure everyone else was aware of this, but I guess I don't really pay attention to much of anything that's happening in comics other than what I can see right in front of me on the shelves.)

I liked Punisher 2099 just for the fact that Kirkman followed up on the Punisher/Elektra love connection Garth Ennis threw out as a joke a year or two ago. So Frank and Elektra have a baby in 2038 (according to the dates on Cassandra's tombstone)? Let's see, Frank was in Vietnam, so, being extremely generous, let's say he was 21 in 1975. That would make him a proud papa at the age of 84! Take that, Tony Randall! Hell, forget Frank -- Elektra's the one who had to suffer through an octogenarian labor. That'll break a hip. Other than that little bit of backstory, I didn't much care for the issue, though. Even Pop Mhan's art, which I dig on SpyBoy, didn't really thrill me here.

Mutant 2099: The brain of Reed Richards in a Ben Grimm robot. That should have been a lot cooler than it was. I just kept thinking, why don't the Sentinels catch Reed and the kid, already? Reed's flying around in his jetcar, the kid's zapping Sentinels -- but they easily evade capture. And there's a gigantic mole people invasion right out in broad daylight, and no Sentinels show up? They're really pretty ineffective, aren't they? How the hell did they defeat every superpowered being on Earth?

Inhumans 2099: This had a very dark and interesting twist at the end, but I think it would've worked better for me if I knew who the hell the Inhumans were. I mean, I know who they are, I'm aware they exist, I've seen them in comics like Fantastic Four, and, I don't know, X-Men or Hulk, I guess, but they never really interested me. The only one whose name I knew was Black Bolt, and I didn't even know he had a brother. So, yeah, some of the impact of the ending was lost on me. Still: pretty cool.

Black Panther 2099: I know nothing of Black Panther. Does the current version often fight Doctor Doom? Seems like a bit of a mismatch to me, but whatever. And are the Sentinels confined only to America? You'd think, if they could've destroyed every single superhero, they could've gotten to Doom in Latveria, too. But again: whatever. And the issue as a whole? You guessed it: whatever.

Daredevil 2099: This was probably my favorite of the 2099s. I really liked the ending, where we learn Fisk is not just carrying on the tradition of Matt Murdock, he's carrying on his grandfather's as well, committing evil as the Kingpin and atoning for it as the Daredevil. How Catholic of him! And I liked that, in Kirkman's world, the original Kingpin eventually defeated and killed Daredevil. Good story.

So, all in all, I'd say this 2099 experiment was a bit of a failure. None of them were really designed to be continuing stories, but if they did turn into regular series, or if a generic Marvel 2099 title were launched, I doubt I'd buy any of them. Which is a failure in my eyes.

And I've learned to stop buying comics just because Kirkman's name is on the cover. Invincible and Walking Dead, yes. Anything else: doubtful. I mean, why the hell am I still buying Captain America? It's quite bad. (Although I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed the first issue of Kirkman's Jubilee. I'm a teenage girl, apparently.)

COMICS: The New Frontier

I've been saying for a while now that, despite the seemingly unanimous praise from everyone else, Darwyn Cooke's The New Frontier has failed to blow me away.

Then I read issue #5.

From Hal Jordan's experimenting with the Green Lantern ring and almost dropping a mountain on himself, to Superman's and Batman's meeting, with Superman questioning Batman's new child-friendly appearance, to Jimmy Olsen's "Well jeez, Rocky. He's Superman", to Aquaman's "At my back, the largest army in the world", to the bloodied interior of Wonder Woman's invisible plane, to Lois Lane's "You get this shot or I'll throw you off this goddamned chopper!", to the blurry first view of the Centre, to Flash taking up his costume again, to Hal's "Let me tell you something Miss Rich Bitch", to his and Carol's kiss in front of the jet engine, to the destruction of Paradise Island, to Superman's "I see I have your attention" and his rousing speech --

Yeah. This was the one that blew me away.

COMICS: Wed. 8/4/04

I'm late on this week's comics reviews, but I have a valid excuse: I was absolutely overwhelmed with the sheer volume of new comics I purchased this week. I truly went overboard. I mean, here's the list:

1) Y: The Last Man

Oh, I guess that's it. So really, I have no excuse, and I'm just a lazy bastard.

Here's my review:

I liked it. Naked butts are funny. The end.

Okay, wait, I've got one or two other thoughts. Number one is, of course, what a great ending it was. After 25 issues, it's about damn time we saw what Beth was up to in Australia! Now, I just hope they don't drop her for another 25 issues. I get the feeling the next arc will feature Beth in a big way, though Dorian, for one, does not -- he tells me that solicitation info for the next issues indicates it's more adventures with Yorick, this time in San Francisco. Well, Vaughan can switch back and forth from Yorick to Beth, can't he?

Also, I get the feeling a lot of people were a little unhappy with this two-part story, but I enjoyed it, both for Yorick reaching a big milestone (the last man on Earth finally gets laid! Geez, Abe Vigoda would've gotten lucky before this guy), the shots Vaughan (via Beth #2) took at the Left Behind books in part one, and just the overall feel that this was a breather between bigger stories. It was a fine change of pace -- but I'm ready for something big to happen next.

Other stuff I bought:

Ultimate X-Men: The New Mutants TPB, which I haven't read yet. It's Bendis, I had to get it. It's a sickness.

PvP at large, which I have read, and which had me laughing out loud many times. Kurtz has a great cartooning style (although I noticed in this book that some of his lines look a little rough-edged, possibly due to transferring the strips from computer to print; I don't know for sure if he does all his art directly on the computer, but I kind of assume he does, which unfortunately results in a little pixellation-blur in the printing process), and the jokes are funnier for the characters' facial expressions (sometimes just a raised eyebrow works) and well-developed personalities.

The New Frontier, issues 4 and 5. I'd gotten the first and second issues because of all the wild praise they were getting, and I wasn't blown away. I dropped the book, but then Ian and Corey were raving about it at the store on Wednesday, so I decided to give it another shot -- no copies of #3 were to be found, though. I read #4 last night, and liked it better than the first two, but still, I'm not feeling the overwhelming love for it everyone else is. Maybe when I get all six, I'll appreciate it more. This is a lot of money I'm investing in a hunch (that I will gain appreciation for it); I mean, it's seven damn bucks a pop! I am looking forward to reading #5 tonight, because I know Hal Jordan is finally getting his Green Lantern ring, and I've heard all about the Wonder Woman/Invisible Jet sequence, which sounds really cool.