COMICS: A personal test

I bought eight comics today. I'm going to try to list them all. (The bag's sitting out in the car.) And if I can't remember one of them, I'm going to drop the title. If it's a bad one, I shouldn't have been getting it in the first place. If it's a good one, serves me right.

Today actually should be easier than usual. I'm pretty excited about the whole bundle.

We've got Ennis and Bendis, of course: Punisher and The Pulse. Punisher more than The Pulse I'm looking forward to; I still haven't quite broken the Bendis knee-jerk purchasing habit, but I think I have finally forced myself to dump Daredevil. Not that I mean to suggest I haven't been enjoying The Pulse; I have. It's just, how many Bendis comics do I need?

Then there's Kirkman: Marvel Team-Up (which I skipped last week because my eyes just brushed past the "MTU" on the cover. Muhtoo? I didn't want a comic called Muhtoo...), and The Walking Dead, which is pretty damn quick, the last issue was out just last week.

Peter David is represented: Madrox. It feels good to be buying a David title again. I dropped Fallen Angel fairly early on; something about it just didn't quite win me over. Can't wait for his return to The Incredible Hulk.

Then there's Ed Brubaker, with Captain America. I just suffered through Kirkman's lousy run on the title; why am I doing it again? I don't give a rat's ass about Captain America. But I'll give the Brubaker version a try, I guess. I'm a sucker.

Brian K. Vaughan's in there, with Ex Machina. I'm glad this series seems to be catching on. It's like the TV show Lost (which is big in the ratings) -- I'm relieved that for once the rest of the public seems to agree with me on a quality product.

And then there are the two "fun" books of the week, She-Hulk and Fantastic Four. And that should be the whole list!

Wait, that's nine. Did I miscount the comics in my bag? Or did I forget to buy something? (I know that I almost bought Matt Howarth's Bugtown, but didn't; it just didn't look as interesting as the old Post Bros. comics used to. But that's not what's messing up my count.) Usually I forget one of the comics I bought; this time I seem to be remembering one too many. Weird. Well, if it's nine, then more comic goodness for me! If it turns out I've got only eight: DAMMIT!

And on top of however many comics that is, I also got the final Peter Milligan X-Force TPB. Damn, I went crazy today. Good thing I won at poker this weekend!

COMICS: More Wed. 11/3/04

Avengers: Okay, for a reader as unfamiliar with the Avengers' history as I am, this issue was whole lot of "Who the what the??" The Scarlet Witch gave herself babies by magic, then that old woman made them disappear and made the Witch forget about them? All righty then. It worked for me that Wanda was the baddie, because sure, she used to be bad before, but what didn't work for me was Dr. Strange's assertion that due to her gaining her magic by being a mutant, rather than training, she was always on the brink of insanity. Nice effort at justifying her actions, but I just don't buy it. Oh, and good thing there were 8,000 superheroes to do all that nothing for most of the book.

JLA: Classified: We3 is the kind of story that makes me think Grant Morrison is a super genius. JLA: Classified is the kind of story that makes me think Grant Morrison is a pretentious blithering jackass.

Jubilee: I really get a kick out of this book. I liked the handling of the gang leader here, forcing his young crew member out of the gang because he had the potential to make something of himself. The change of heart probably came a little quickly, but on the other hand, at least it wasn't dragged out over six issues.

The Punisher: Now that's what I want to see! After that endless boring previous storyline, the new story starts off brilliantly, with a face-to-face between Nick Fury and Frank. I loved every word of that entire scene. Garth Ennis writes Nick Fury the way he ought to be, the way you'd expect a hardened, weary career soldier to speak and act. I realize Ennis has more latitude with the character in a Mature Readers book, but even without the plethora of profanity, he'd have Fury down pat. The ending was a little odd to me: the American military are sponsoring terrorists specifically to get Fury/Castle to do a job for them? Am I reading that right? More clarity next issue, I hope.

Superman/Batman: Eh. A little too deus ex machina with the teleporter, a little -- no, a lot too corny with Supergirl's introduction to everyone at the end. "THANKS, EVERYONE!" And I don't care how super Superman is -- there is still no oxygen in space. He can not have a conversation in outer space; sound does not travel in a vacuum. Not even the mighty words of Superman. And why the hell did they have to pretend Supergirl was dead if they were just going to imprison Darkseid on the far edge of the universe anyway? Why not just imprison him without all the rigmarole? Were they worried he'd escape and come back to get Supergirl if he knew she were still alive? Well, it's not much of a secret that she's alive anymore, is it? Or am I overthinking all this? Whatever. I think I'm done with this series.

Y: The Last Man: Kind of lame the way 355 allowed herself to get outmaneuvered in the exchange for Yorick's ring. But man, I love this series. And I love the San Francisco setting; I lived in the Bay Area for about ten years. They're getting all the details right about the City. For example, Candlestick is indeed on the corner of Fuck You and Go To Hell.

COMICS: Wed. 9/29/04

For someone who's listed on the Comic Weblog Updates page, I don't write about comics a whole awful lot. Well, here's some thoughts on yesterday's purchases.

Daredevil: Didn't read it.

Amazing Spider-Man: Didn't read it.

Invincible: Didn't read it.

New Frontier: Didn't read it.

No wonder I don't write about comics very much. By the time I read the damn things, it's irrelevant.

I did read all the Marvel 2099 books (and by the way, thanks a pantsload for putting them all out on the same day, Marvel! Way to serve the typical fan's budget best. Douchebags). I bought all five of them, because Robert Kirkman wrote them. Okay, I think I've finally been cured of that habit.

Not that they were all bad. Just that none of them were really spectacular. And I was surprised that all the issues were one-and-done. (I'm sure everyone else was aware of this, but I guess I don't really pay attention to much of anything that's happening in comics other than what I can see right in front of me on the shelves.)

I liked Punisher 2099 just for the fact that Kirkman followed up on the Punisher/Elektra love connection Garth Ennis threw out as a joke a year or two ago. So Frank and Elektra have a baby in 2038 (according to the dates on Cassandra's tombstone)? Let's see, Frank was in Vietnam, so, being extremely generous, let's say he was 21 in 1975. That would make him a proud papa at the age of 84! Take that, Tony Randall! Hell, forget Frank -- Elektra's the one who had to suffer through an octogenarian labor. That'll break a hip. Other than that little bit of backstory, I didn't much care for the issue, though. Even Pop Mhan's art, which I dig on SpyBoy, didn't really thrill me here.

Mutant 2099: The brain of Reed Richards in a Ben Grimm robot. That should have been a lot cooler than it was. I just kept thinking, why don't the Sentinels catch Reed and the kid, already? Reed's flying around in his jetcar, the kid's zapping Sentinels -- but they easily evade capture. And there's a gigantic mole people invasion right out in broad daylight, and no Sentinels show up? They're really pretty ineffective, aren't they? How the hell did they defeat every superpowered being on Earth?

Inhumans 2099: This had a very dark and interesting twist at the end, but I think it would've worked better for me if I knew who the hell the Inhumans were. I mean, I know who they are, I'm aware they exist, I've seen them in comics like Fantastic Four, and, I don't know, X-Men or Hulk, I guess, but they never really interested me. The only one whose name I knew was Black Bolt, and I didn't even know he had a brother. So, yeah, some of the impact of the ending was lost on me. Still: pretty cool.

Black Panther 2099: I know nothing of Black Panther. Does the current version often fight Doctor Doom? Seems like a bit of a mismatch to me, but whatever. And are the Sentinels confined only to America? You'd think, if they could've destroyed every single superhero, they could've gotten to Doom in Latveria, too. But again: whatever. And the issue as a whole? You guessed it: whatever.

Daredevil 2099: This was probably my favorite of the 2099s. I really liked the ending, where we learn Fisk is not just carrying on the tradition of Matt Murdock, he's carrying on his grandfather's as well, committing evil as the Kingpin and atoning for it as the Daredevil. How Catholic of him! And I liked that, in Kirkman's world, the original Kingpin eventually defeated and killed Daredevil. Good story.

So, all in all, I'd say this 2099 experiment was a bit of a failure. None of them were really designed to be continuing stories, but if they did turn into regular series, or if a generic Marvel 2099 title were launched, I doubt I'd buy any of them. Which is a failure in my eyes.

And I've learned to stop buying comics just because Kirkman's name is on the cover. Invincible and Walking Dead, yes. Anything else: doubtful. I mean, why the hell am I still buying Captain America? It's quite bad. (Although I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed the first issue of Kirkman's Jubilee. I'm a teenage girl, apparently.)

MOVIES: The Punisher

From the "Beating a Dead Horse" dept.: I added a couple of comments to my entry about CGI vs. real stunts/violence in action movies post. And again, although I think it's pretty clear, I just want to point out I'm not trying to start a feud or some crazy thing like that -- if I didn't think Tim O'Neil had a smart and interesting blog with smart and interesting opinions, I wouldn't have him linked over there on the sidebar. It just turns out I have more to say on the subject than I would've first thought. I promise I'll stop now.

---

Speaking of action violence... I rented The Punisher this weekend, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. And the only possible defense I have is: it's a pretty darn good action flick.

The acting is decent; Thomas Jane/Tom Jane (he's credited as both, at different points in the credits, oddly enough) does as much as he can do with Frank Castle, which isn't all that much. Frank's emotionless countenance and delivery comes off as coolly menacing in the comics; in the movies, it's a little boring. You kind of want him to have some inflection in his voice, for crying out loud. And it's not helped by the fact that Jane isn't inherently an imposing figure to begin with; he's buff, and he is clearly doing a great deal of his own stunt work in the fight scenes (which I dig), but he's just not an overpowering figure of dread like the comics version -- or the Garth Ennis comics version, anyway, which is the version with the heaviest influence on the film.

Several characters created by Ennis in his "Welcome Back, Frank" story make an appearance here, including neighbors Joan (who's not quite so mousy when played by Rebecca Romijn-Stamos), Mr. Bumpo, and Spacker Dave (who is only called "Spacker" in the end credits, unfortunately). Even better, the nigh-unstoppable Russian shows up for the best scene of the movie, a ridiculously over-the-top battle in Frank's apartment, which is heightened by one of Frank's few emotional reactions, a constant and comical look of disbelief. Pro wrestler Kevin Nash plays the Russian, and you couldn't find a more physically intimidating actor if you tried. He doesn't speak (as the Russian frequently does in the comics), but perhaps that's for the best.

Then there's John Travolta as Howard Saint, the man who ordered Frank's family killed. (And unlike the comics, he doesn't stop at wife and kids; everyone Frank's ever even met apparently gets wiped out all at once.) He's adequate. I'm surprised they got him, especially considering he takes second billing. I'm guessing most of the small budget for this film went to his salary. He makes for a decent villain, and really that's all that's needed here.

I said it was a small budget, and it often shows, but on the other hand, they sure as hell make the money they have count. There's no CGI; it's pure man-made stunts. And the director actually knows how to direct action. In one of the featurettes, he even mocks the directors who have learned their trade from music videos and commercials. There's none of the hyperkinetic, 87 cuts per second, camera whipping and spinning for no reason nonsense here. You can tell who's doing what at all times, which is a craft apparently unlearned by most action directors these days (I'm looking right at you, McG, you goddam hack).

The Punisher isn't brilliant. I mean, come on. It's the freakin' Punisher. But when you're in the mood for this kind of flick, it's a good-to-great rental, which is all it needed to be to surpass 90% of the action movies made in the past five years.

COMICS: Wed. 8/25/04

I didn't update yesterday, because I'm a bad, lazy man, and yet my hit count was slightly up from Tuesday, when I did update. Weird.

Just a quick one to let you know I'm still alive. And also because I've only read two of my comics so far. Spoilers ahead.

Brit: Red, White, Black & Blue: I've only read one of the previous one-shots of Brit, so I was a little lost in this one. First of all, I didn't even realize Brit officially tied in with the rest of the Image universe; seeing Savage Dragon and Invincible pop up during the big fight scene was a little surprising. Second, the whole thing with his son being shot into the sun really left me scratching my head, as did Brit's friend with the robotic body. I'll have to assume this weird stuff was explained in a previous issue. And Brit's ex-wife has claws? Whatever.

I was disappointed that Tony Moore wasn't doing the art, but I did enjoy the artwork. The story was kind of weak. Aliens invade, how original. And the instantaneous way they suddenly go into attack-mode didn't really build up any suspense or drama. Just all of a sudden, Independence Day is happening. And what is the point of having the French be the aliens' allies? Just a swipe at the French for the hell of it?

The scene with Brit's ex-wife getting killed is truly shocking, though. Anyone who's ever heard the term "pornographic violence" could look at that panel and understand the meaning. Not that there's anything sexual about: it's just so horrifically, unexpectedly, unnecessarily graphic, that I just stared at it in disbelief for probably a full minute. I'm not suggesting the violence should have been toned down, I'm just saying, it really caught me off-guard, and that rarely happens, in comics, films, or any medium. There was violence throughout the comic, but mostly involving the aliens, so it was cartoony, Mars Attacks! violence. Brit's ex-wife's death, in contrast, seemed disturbingly real. It felt like the whole purpose of this comic was to get to that one panel.

Overall, a disappointing issue, but, due to that one sequence, it'll stick with me for a while.

The Authority: More Kev: Funny stuff, though about 90% of the humor is gay-themed insults. Midnighter's eventual bashing of the homophobic and stupidly overconfident Kev was especially satisfying. And the final page was a great reference back to the original Kev one-shot. The stupid bastard's killed the Authority -- again! I've never been a big fan of the regular Authority comic -- it always seemed a little too creepily, unironically fascistic to me -- and Ennis plays right into my dislike, by mocking and belittling the superhero team as they so richly deserve, and just outright killing them every once in a while. Good stuff.

COMICS: The comics I didn't buy

I gave up on The Punisher this week. I had it in my hand, and finally forced myself to put it back on the shelf. I hate this stupid, meandering, boring storyline! Why should I stick around for three more issues of it, other than a foolish, masochistic desire to be a "completist"? I'll be back when you're done with this one, Ennis.

And as I've recently mentioned (more than once, I believe), I gave up on the Bruce Jones Incredible Hulk ages ago. But I had to page through issue #75 at the store, because it actually looked like a Hulk comic, with the Hulk clearly pictured on the cover and everything. And the Hulk even appears inside! It's a Christmas miracle!

It's far too late for me to want to jump back in now, even if this looked like a good issue (which, aside from the Hulk actually appearing in a Hulk comic, it doesn't), but at least this should clear up some questions from Sean Collins (no relation) (that makes sense if you know my last name is also Collins). He recently posted some questions about Jones' run (in response to one of my posts, hooray for me), and I'm guessing this issue holds some answers for him. Well, I know it holds one answer, at least (the answer he already guessed), but as for his other question, whether Jones will finish his big conspiracy storyline before he leaves the title -- this issue certainly looks like it's wrapping things up. Which is good for Marvel. If I'd been following that story for as long as it's been going on, and it abruptly ended without resolving anything, I do believe I'd storm the Marvel offices with pitchfork and torch in hand.

Also didn't buy X-Force #1, which was a no-brainer on my part. Man, it looks exactly like the first X-Force #1, from, like, twelve years ago, when I actually had no brain, and purchased multiple copies, because comics will make you rich! Idiot.

Mike pointed out some choice artistic crimes within the covers (one panel in particular, in which one character appears to be 18 feet tall in comparison to the woman kneeling in front of him -- ew, not kneeling like that! Get your minds out of the gutter), and then added that he had asked the owner of his shop if he could punch anyone who bought it. Permission granted, soldier!

COMICS: Maybe everyone else got shorter

Wolverine's short, right? I mean, that's his deal. He's small but ferocious, like the animal.


So how come in the future he's taller than everybody else?

Forgive me if I'm a year behind the curve here, but I just read the TPB, and I have to wonder why Silvestri draws Wolverine so damn tall. He's Clint Eastwood when he should be Tom Cruise. Maybe he's still growing. But then he'd outgrow his adamantium skeleton, wouldn't he?

Is it just me on this?

[EDIT: Not only is it not just me, but it's not just Silvestri. Today at the comic shop Dorian let me know it's been Marvel's policy for a while now to depict Wolvie as tall and sleek, as opposed to short and stocky. I guess I don't read comics with Wolverine in them much. Except when Garth Ennis is having the Punisher blow his face off.]

COMICS: Thurs. 7/8/04

I was going to do my comics post a day late this week, since they were released a day late due to the Monday holiday, but looks like I can squeeze this post in tonight. Four new comics this week; may contain spoilers for readers slower than I am.

Supreme Power: I've been borderline on this series for a while. The concept itself is, of course, a revision of an old rip-off of the JLA, and I've seen plenty enough of those as it is. And the story has been moving verrrry slowly. Almost Bendis slow. But things happened in this one that I liked: Mark Milton learns his secret origin! Several different versions, in fact, from the very unreliable and possibly insane Zarda (the Wonder Woman rip-off). Mark appears to doubt her assertion that she's from the same place he is -- but she's hot, naked (this comic has more boobs than Cinemax After Dark), and he's probably still a virgin, so looks like he's gonna let that slide for now. The dog. Also, the Batman and Flash rip-offs team up to find that there's yet another superpowered being out there -- a serial killing one. It was a good issue, so guess I'll be sticking around a while longer.

Powers: Speaking of Bendis... First issue of the reboot, now at new Marvel imprint Icon, rather than Image. Only thing that's changed is the little box on the cover; inside is still the same old badass Powers. Starts off with quite a shocker: Kutter, who could probably be described as the #3 character, gets killed in the traditional sudden and graphic Powers style. Walker and Deena are back together as partners, which is nice to see. Bendis' dialogue is as long-winded but hilarious as ever ("How'd he die?" "Dunno." "Don't be so technical."), but, unlike certain Bendis projects, stuff happens here. He basically reinvents the entire world within the comic in this one issue, plus has time for a nifty action scene, plenty of great dialogue and character moments, and a great reveal on the final page. Bendis' best series (out of, like, 87), and one of my top ten, if not top five.

Fantastic Four: Another of my favorites. I had never been much of an FF fan, outside of the Stan Lee originals, so I'm not really familiar with the "Frightful Four." But I get the feeling Mark Waid portrays them about as well as they can be -- after all, the Wizard, the Trapster, Salamandra, and Hydro are C-list villains at best. The way in which they defeat the FF is believable, and the reason why the Wizard doesn't kill them outright, which is always a stupid, Bond villain thing to do -- the reason he doesn't is kind of plausible, the way the character is portrayed. Waid's writing is funny and sharp, and I love the art. The only Marvels I buy are for the writers -- Marvel has great characters, but the writers have to know how to use them -- and Waid is now up there in that category with Peter David, Garth Ennis, J. Michael Straczynski, Brian Bendis, and a select few others.

Y: The Last Man: Another of my faves. Only bought four comics this week, and three of them are in my personal top ten. This one is in my top three, actually. Best thing about this issue: the slam against those dopey, non-"born again" bashing, crappily written, inexplicably popular religious screeds disguised as fantasy, the Left Behind series. Yorick is a great character, and he goes through a great deal of development this issue, dealing with his remorse over the woman he had to kill the previous issue, and allowing himself to finally let go of -- or at least, forget for a little while -- his girlfriend half a world away, whom he may never see again. It's just a great book.

I also picked up a Hopeless Savages collection (a funny book about a punk rock family), and the Three Strikes TPB (gritty crime drama), because of good Free Comic Book Day issues. The Three Strikes book I got because it's by the same team behind the Skinwalkers series, one issue of which I picked up as a leftover from last year's FCBD (come to think of it, the Hopeless Savages was a leftover, too), as well as on recommendation from Dorian, who's a fan of the creators. And I got the newest Ultimate Spider-Man trade, too -- for some reason, that's the one ongoing series that I only buy in trades. Bendis' habit of padding storylines in US-M is less annoying when you get the whole story at once, I guess.

COMICS: Wed. 6/30/04

Went to my friendly neighborhood comics shop Wednesday and wound up hanging out with employees Mike, Dorian, and Chris, as well as fellow comics fiends Corey and Ian, for a good hour and a half. Good times. One of our conversation topics was about our Irish chins, all of which (but Corey's) are oh-so-cleverly concealed behind facial hair. Chris, who isn't Irish, felt left out, but we all decided that half Mexican plus half Jewish equals Irish, and that seemed to cheer the lad right up.

Anyway. Only three new comics today, a light and inexpensive load for me, but I collected a bundle of back issues as well, and wound up putting a serious hurt on my bank account after all. Hooray?

• Batman: Harley and Ivy
  Part 3 of a 3-part mini. Another funny issue from Paul Dini and Bruce Timm, featuring Harley and Ivy's misadventures in Hollywood. Very reminiscent of the work the two did on the Batman cartoon -- but with a more adult slant. Which I think must be confusing parents and kids alike. A cursory glance reveals the same cartoony art style found in the children's comic Batman Adventures, but a closer look reveals:
  

  Lingerie shot. Lingerie shot. Panty shot. Panty shot. Bra shot. Ass shot. Panties around ankles shot. Shower shot. Shower shot. Shower shot. Panty shot. Partial bare boob shot. Panty shot. Panty shot. Towel shot.

  And so forth and so on. There's a reason this book isn't approved by the Comics Code Authority. It's very naughty, in an innocent way, if that makes sense. Good clean dirty fun.


• Invincible
  My favorite new series of the past year (or so) continues to satisfy. In the aftermath of last issue's brutal battle between father and son, an important new government agent character is introduced, Mark learns more about what his father did for a living, new relationships are formed, both inside and outside the superhero world, and Mark's got a new job. Which, after being so utterly betrayed by his father, seems like a foolish thing to jump into as blindly as he does, but hey, the kid's still learning. Robert Kirkman has quickly become one of my favorite writers, and Ryan Ottley continues to impress with his sharp, clean artwork. Invincible is one of my five current favorites.


• The Punisher
  After the amazing previous storyline, in which longtime Punisher ally Micro met his shocking, extremely graphic end at the hands (well, shotgun) of the Punisher himself, this new story feels like a muddled let-down. Something about the IRA and pirates on the East River and some old guy who cuts up people real good and a bomb expert who's missing nine-tenths of his face and a dreadlocked, gold-toothed gangster and oh, I just stopped caring. Maybe I was just tired when I read this issue, but it stopped making sense around page three. Too much plot getting in the way of the action, as Joe Bob would say.


• She-Hulk
  I've been hearing a lot of good things about this title -- "It's not what you'd expect!" -- so I finally broke down and bought the first four issues. (Corey was pleased that both I and Ian were buying it.) And it's a good fun book. The artwork is nice -- although, in some action sequences (such as the one with MODOK in outer space), it's a little hard to tell what's going on -- and the writing is clever and humorous. The book's about She-Hulk, after she's screwed up her life with excessive partying (losing her job and getting kicked out of the Avengers mansion in the process), getting hired by a prestigious law firm that handles supernormal clients -- but the catch is, they don't want She-Hulk, they want her non-powered alter ego, Jessica Walters. I have minor complaints about She-Hulk's/Jen's seeming inability to stand up for herself, whether it be against the Avengers or her bitchy new co-worker, and I think it's a little unlikely the Avengers would've gone straight to kicking her out of the mansion without having a talk with her first, but hey, you gotta get the plot and conflict somehow. And like I said, minor complaints. I've heard the book's in danger of cancellation. Which just figures, now that I've finally started liking it.

I also picked up Ex Machina (by Brian K. Vaughan, writer of Y: The Last Man -- another of my current favorites) and Astonishing X-Men, both of which I forgot to get last week. I've got nothing to add about them that hasn't been said already. (Oh, and also, I haven't read them yet.)

And on Corey's recommendation, I got an issue of Brit, by Invincible writer Kirkman, but I didn't read it yet, either. Possible follow-up post later today.