Peace, Love and Hard Liquor

The TV networks came out with their Fall line-ups this past week, and I have yet to get around to writing up my traditional Unfair Previews (see the sidebar for previous years). Once again, Austin fun has been overriding my blogging time. For example, Friday night I finally got to see Iron Man at the Alamo Drafthouse, the greatest movie theater chain in the world. And Thursday night I went out to the Continental Club to see a fantastic double bill:


THE LONESOME SPURS
That's Lynda Kay Parker on the left, cute as can be, with an amazing voice and playing tenor guitar and kickdrum suitcase (!), and the incredible Danny B. Harvey on lead guitar. They play some awesome rockabilly with a great sense of humor behind it. I'd never heard of them before, but by the time they were done I was a big fan, and I would've been well-entertained if that were the entire show. But fortunately, there was even more:


UNKNOWN HINSON
Looking like an undead cowboy, with his trademark vampire teeth and fake black eyebrows and muttonchops, Unknown knocked my socks off from the very first second he stepped on stage. This guy is incredible, both funny as hell and a wickedly talented guitar player -- my jaw dropped watching his hands blur on that guitar, most especially during a ten minute-long cover of "Manic Depression." He's a psychobilly maniac with both hilarious send-ups of country-western cliches ("(I Can't Believe You're) Pregnant Again," "I Ain't Afraid Of Your Husband") and face melting straight-up rockers (such as "Rock 'N' Roll Is Straight From Hell"). Hank Williams III has a tattoo of Unknown on his arm. Tom Petty once cornered Unknown backstage to ask how he gets his sound. Oh, and for you Adult Swim fans, he's the voice of Early on Squidbillies. If you don't know this guy, you really should make the effort, and make sure you see him when he comes to your town. I guarantee you will be entertained.

My point is, I'll get to my Unfair Previews next week.

Iron Man

Best superhero movie ever? No. (I still say Spider-Man 2, followed by Superman and Superman II.)

Really damn great superhero movie? Hell yeah!

I'm sure I'm the last person in America, let alone the blogging world, to see this movie, but I'm throwing up a SPOILER ALERT anyway, for reasons I will soon make clear.

First of all, what a brilliant cast. Robert Downey, Jr. is off-the-charts amazing as Tony Stark. Just a pleasure to watch, every single second. The film overall is strong, but Downey propels it to another level entirely. I love Gwyneth Paltrow, and while she doesn't have a lot to do here as Tony's loyal, smitten assistant Pepper Potts, she helps bring some humanity to the film and certainly brings plenty of chemistry to her scenes with Downey. Terrence Howard is great as Tony's military pal Jim Rhodes (who, if we're playing by the comic book's background, is destined to don armor as well, and become the superhero War Machine); in fact, casting Howard in this role is bordering on overkill (same with Paltrow). And Jeff Bridges is tremendously satisfying as the villainous Obadiah Stane, a warmongering weapons manufacturer -- kind of the anti-Lebowski (sorry to drop that name again, which I feel I've done a lot of over the past year, but I've watched The Big Lebowski enough now for me to associate Bridges primarily with that character). Bridges is a great actor, and he helps to elevate a cartoonishly obvious villain far beyond the script.

Let me make clear, though: I'm not slamming the script. It's a tight and thrilling two hours, and I was never close to bored. An evil industrialist is cartoonishly obvious, yes, but the script doles out Obadiah's villainy in appropriately increasing increments, and Bridges sells the hell out of it. Downey's transformation from shallow playboy to... slightly less shallow playboy with a conscience (my favorite line comes after his transformative experience in captivity: as he enters the big gala, he responds to a beautiful woman's plea, "Remember me?" with a callous, "Sure don't!") plays out quite well; it's believable, from the writing and the performance, that Tony never even gave a thought to how his weapons might be misused until his face was rubbed right in it, until he saw American soldiers and civilian innocents threatened and killed (not to mention getting himself near-mortally wounded) by the weapons he built and sold.

And the direction is also fantastic. I haven't seen director Jon Favreau's space adventure Zathura, which is the only thing on his resume that comes close to the FX-loaded Iron Man, so I was incredibly impressed to find he had the skills to pull off a blockbuster like this. It's obvious he cares as much about the characters, maybe more (probably much more), as he does about the big whiz-bang action scenes, which is exactly the opposite of most blockbuster directors, who treat story and characters as excuses to get to explosions. Favreau also blatantly mimics (or homages) Robert Altman's signature overlapping dialogue throughout the film, which creates, with its attempt to mirror the reality of everyday conversations, a significantly different feel from any other superhero movie ever filmed. That said: he still blowed up shit real good.

What didn't I like about the film? Not much I can put my finger on. The Afghani terrorist villains were a bit uninteresting and generic, though I enjoyed the fact that the terror network was called the Ten Rings. And I don't think the main terrorist was ever definitively killed off -- does that mean he'll return in the sequel as the Mandarin? (As I had to explain to my non-comics reading buddy after the movie, and as I will now explain to the non-comics readers among you, the Mandarin is one of Iron Man's greatest enemies; his power comes from ten rings, one on each finger, each of which has a different super-cool effect.) But other than that... it was missing a certain je ne sais quoi, is about the best I can explain it. I loved it, but it's not immediately selling me on the whole "best superhero movie ever" thing. I'd like to see it again (and probably will many times on DVD), and see if it can convince me, because I have the feeling I could be convinced. There's just something a little bit off about it -- a vague feeling that it's falling short of some threshold of epicness I was expecting -- that's making me withhold that ultimate stamp of approval.

Oh, and as for that last shot, after the credits -- hell yes, I loved seeing me some Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson as Nick Fury. Sadly, the fact that this was going to happen was spoiled for me by, of all people, Sean T. Collins, which is disappointingly uncharacteristic of him. I mean, check his spoiler alerts for this post about Lost, or this other Lost post, in which he takes care to edit out character names from events that happened seasons ago. Or this recent post in which he laments another blogger's spoiling of M. Night Shyamalan's upcoming film The Happening. I'm not trying to be a dick or call you out or anything, Sean, but -- come on, man!!! Your blog was the last place I expected to see a spoiler like that. (Whether the revelation of an actor and the character he's playing in a ten-second cameo is a legitimate spoiler or not, you may all debate -- but I vote yes. Saying there's something after the credits that has to be seen: no. Saying exactly what it is: yes.) Hence, the spoiler alert on the top of this post. Because you just never know.

So you can take that cameo and stick it up your YEAH!!

I watched this week's episode of House on TiVo last night. It was a tremendous episode, smartly written, tensely dramatic, with a scarily realistic bus smash-up and a great twist at the end. Plus former OoMA Lisa Edelstein in a sexy schoolgirl outfit. That ain't bad. But it all leaves me with one nagging question:

What in the hell was up with that Fred Durst cameo?

And cameo it was, despite his high billing in the opening credits -- he even got a "with!" As in: "with Fred Durst." And all he did was hang out behind the bar in one scene, and speak two words: "You are." The average performer has to speak more than two words to qualify as more than an uncredited extra! Fred Durst speaks two words, and he gets a "with!" Does SAG know about this?

The way this episode wound up, it looks like the story is a two-parter, continued next week, with House still trying to recover his memory. So I imagine he'll have to go back to the bar and speak to bartender Fred Durst, to try to fill in the gaps. I guess that's where Durst will earn his screen credit. Uh... hooray?

Still: Why? Why Fred Durst? Are he and Hugh Laurie drinking buddies? And why that role? If they're doing stunt-casting, why not have him do something a bit flashier? Like Dave Matthews did a while back? Which reminds me: Why Dave Matthews?? What is with this show? I think the casting director makes decisions based on his iPod's shuffle mode! "We've got to cast the role of a neurosurgeon who also suffers from Tourette's syndrome. [listens to earbuds] Hey, what's the lead singer of the Spin Doctors up to these days?"

Graphic Nudity

I've noticed something a little disappointing about movie ratings recently: if you see the words "graphic nudity" in the ratings advisory for an R-rated film, it almost certainly isn't referring to female nudity. It means you're going to see a wiener. And to me, this is disappointing for two reasons: #1, I like seeing naked women, and I don't like seeing naked men. And #2, it suggests a lingering fear and taboo of male nudity, coupled with a permissive attitude toward female nudity, which indicates an undeniable and disturbing societally approved homophobia running rampant in American cinema (bearing in mind that most of our movies are made by and for straight men). And yes, I'm aware that there's a whiff of hypocrisy when you contrast my #1 and #2 reasons, so you don't have to point it out to me.

You don't see the graphic nudity tag often. But when you do, it almost always means a man has gotten naked. We're used to naked women in movies. You have to get pretty extreme for a woman's nudity to earn a "graphic." (Though it does happen every once in a while, as in Babel or Broken Flowers or Dr. T and the Women, none of which, to my knowledge, feature any male nudity. And how the hell is Dr. T's fleeting, barely visible nudity "graphic," anyway?) But for some reason, a man's nudity is so inherently shocking and disturbing, it demands being labelled "graphic." Check out this brief list of films, all of which acquired "graphic nudity" status due to the visibility of male genitalia, and almost all of which use that nudity for humor rather than sexuality.

Walk Hard: Rated R for sexual content, graphic nudity, drug use and language. Don't expect to be seeing Jenna Fischer's lady parts. What this means is you get to see a close-up of some dude's wang behind John C. Reilly as he talks on the phone.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Rated R for sexual content, language and some graphic nudity. Think that means a naked romp involving Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis? Nope, it means you'll be getting up close and personal with Jason Segel's bait and tackle. Twice.

Sex and the City: The Movie: Rated R for strong sexual content, graphic nudity and language. Frankly, it's a wild guess on this one, since I haven't seen the movie. Not because it hasn't come out yet, but because I would rather die than see it. But my powers of deduction tell me that since this is a film made by and for gay men (and maybe a couple of women), and since no female nudity on the TV show could ever have been described as "graphic," the rating suggests one or more naked dingalings. Prove me wrong!

Angels and Insects: Rated R for strong sexuality and graphic nudity. This is going back a ways -- 1995 -- but it's a notable film for the fact that it may be the first (and possibly the last) theatrically released R-rated film to feature an erect penis.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay: Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, graphic nudity, pervasive language and drug use. I have yet to see it, but apparently it features a dong or two.

Fur: Rated R for graphic nudity, some sexuality and language. I haven't seen this, nor has anyone else who wasn't in it, probably. But I understand there are a couple scenes set at a nudist camp, at which some bare dorks are visible.

Borat: Rated R for pervasive strong crude and sexual content including graphic nudity, and language. Sure, Pamela Anderson's in the movie. I can't blame you for thinking this means she'll be recreating one of her Playboy layouts. What it actually means is you'll be treated to a view of every single inch of Ken Davitian's body.

Damn, America, why you so afraid of willies? Of course, some of these films also contain female nudity, but that's not what earns them the "graphic" label. Somehow, male naughty bits are just more graphic than female naughty bits. So watch out for that "graphic nudity" label: it more than likely doesn't mean what you want it to mean. (Assuming you want it to mean what I want it to mean.)

YOU ARE NOW PSYCHED

Coming to America on July 22nd:


SPACED: THE COMPLETE SERIES

For the first time in North America, all 14 episodes of this absolutely brilliant sitcom are coming to DVD. Featuring new commentary tracks from Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith, Bill Hader, Matt Stone, Patton Oswalt, and Diablo Cody, at least half of which are deserving of such an honor.

I admit, I'm a bit worried about what musical changes may have been necessary due to rights issues, a la WKRP. But that's a small concern. The bottom line is, we are all happy this is finally happening, and we will be a better country for it.

Lyrics Quiz 3 Winners

It's a tie! With three correct answers each, Bill Sherman and The Eyeball Kid (possibly not his real name) split the honors. Congratulations! A golden trophy and a satchel full of a million dollars for each of you are being flown direct to you on my private Lear Jet. And Gordon was just edged out of a three-way tie by naming the wrong Pretenders song. So close!

A good showing for everyone who entered. I threw some kind of unusual songs out there this time, and you got all but two: "When the Morning Comes," by one of my all-time favorites, Hoyt Axton (study up on Hoyt, folks, he will appear in future quizzes!), and "Mike Post Theme," by the Who, off their most recent album, Endless Wire, which I think no one in America has listened to except me and SamuraiFrog.

Hope you guys are still enjoying these quizzes, because I sure get a kick out of them. Plus, easy content filler when I can't think of anything else!

It's Nitpick Corner

[Opening theme music]

HEY! IT'S TIME FOR NITPICK CORNER!
IT'S TIME FOR TOM TO PICK A NIT!
IT'S NITPICK CORNER TIIIIIIIIIMMME!!!

On today's Nitpick Corner: "Handlebars," by the Flobots.

In the song "Handlebars," by the Flobots, there is a line which goes:

And I can split the atom of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

This demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of atoms and molecules.

[Closing theme music]

AND THAT WAS NITPICK COOOOOOORRRNEERRRR!!!

Lyrics Quiz 3

Here we go with Lyrics Quiz #3! It feels like kind of a weird one to me. See what you think.

As always, provide the name of the song and the artist in the comments. And no Googling, or Cthulu will get you!

And happy Cinco de Mayo!

1. "You're the Great One, I'm Marty McSorley." Kathleen Edwards, "I Make the Dough, You Get the Glory" (Peter)

2. "Taurus: Contemplate domestic turmoil. Aquarius: Abandon hope for future plans." They Might Be Giants, "Hide Away Folk Family" (The Eyeball Kid)

3. "Sense of security, like pockets jingling." Faith No More, "Midlife Crisis" (Davinder)

4. "But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all, with no other recourses but my own resources, with firm application and determination, I made a fool of myself!" Danny Kaye, "The Maladjusted Jester" (The Eyeball Kid)

5. "Gee, our old LaSalle ran great." All in the Family, "Those Were the Days (Bill Sherman)

6. "And Thor said, 'I'm gonna kill 'em all with my hammer, like I killed the giants.'" Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack, "Origin of Love" (PhilipF)

7. "You were the best thing I should never have seen." The Pretenders, "Human" (Gordon and Catherine)

8. "Grade on a curve and you'll observe I'm right below the horizon." They Might Be Giants, "Boss of Me" (The Eyeball Kid)

9. "With a gun and a rope and a hatful of hope, we planted our family tree." Bonanza, "Bonanza Theme" (Gordon)

10. "A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key." Johnny Mandel, "Suicide Is Painless" (Monty)

11. "Por el camino del desierto el viento me despeina." Gipsy Kings, "Hotel California" (Todd C. Murry)

12. "I tripped on a cloud and fell eight miles high, I tore my mind on a jagged sky." Kenny Rogers and the First Edition, "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)" (Josh)

13. "The monkeys stand for honesty, giraffes are insincere." Simon & Garfunkel, "At the Zoo" (Noel Murray)

14. "You asked me why I came here, but you're the one who phoned." Hoyt Axton, "When the Morning Comes"

15. "They needed a man who was brave and true with justice for all as his aim." Frankie Laine, "Blazing Saddles" (Bill Sherman)

16. "The noonday train will bring Frank Miller; if I'm a man I must be brave." Tex Ritter, "Do Not Forsake Me (The Ballad of High Noon)" (Dr. K)

17. "Here I am like a kid at a school, holding hands with a god, I'm a fool." Maureen McGovern, "Can You Read My Mind?" (SamuraiFrog)

18. "There's such a lot of world to see." Audrey Hepburn, "Moon River" (Gordon)

19. "There's not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything." Camper Van Beethoven, "Take the Skinheads Bowling" (Bill Sherman)

20. "There comes a time in every little punk's life when he has to write a song for his common-law wife." The Who, "Mike Post Theme"

Hey Stinky!

New lyrics quiz tomorrow. It's gonna be kind of a weird one, I think. That is all.

Bah humbug!

Clearly, I've been spoiled by so many years of having the awesome Ralph's Comic Corner as my local comics shop. Here's how Free Comic Book Day works at Ralph's: you walk in and Mike gives you three big bags full of every single free comic available. No muss, no fuss.

Here's how it works at Austin Books, which has a reputation as one of the best comics shops in the country, let alone just Austin: you walk in and see piles of comics spread out all over the front desk. So you have to pick them out yourself. And when you do, an employee snottily informs you that you can only take ten. And when you leave, you get stopped by a couple of other employees stationed by the door who fastidiously count the books you've chosen, to make sure you weren't planning on stealing an 11th "free" comic!

Ten! Out of forty available titles. And many of the titles (as listed in this article) weren't available at all, such as the three Neotopia graphic novels which I was especially interested in checking out.

So I went to Dragon's Lair, another comics shop near my house. And I found just a handful of free comics available, less than ten titles in all, randomly scattered over several tables. I was there before 11 AM, less than an hour after the store had opened, and already they were nearly out of everything. At least the employees there didn't treat me like a thief.

I never realized how well Ralph's was taking care of their customers, what with, you know, planning ahead and everything. Making sure they ordered more than enough comics to cover the crowds that would be checking out the event, and making sure they had every title being offered. Plus there was crazy old man Mike to entertain you with stories of the good ol' days.

Anyhoo. I wound up with exactly thirteen comics, which is such a small sampling it hardly seems worth going to the trouble of reviewing them here. (But I probably still will.) At least I know most of the ones I picked will be worthwhile, thanks to this rundown from Dorian.

Oh, and Iron Man was sold out at the Alamo last night. This is turning into a real sucky comics-themed weekend!

Free Comic Book Day tomorrow!

Well, son of a gun. I'm so out of touch with the comics world these days, it took a Salon article to remind me that tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day!

Sweet. I may have cut comics from my meager budget over the past couple years, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving 'em. I can't wait to get my grubby mitts on a bundle of free books tomorrow morning! And you can expect my capsule reviews of them -- which may very well be my only comics-related writing for the year (frowny face!) -- to appear shortly thereafter.

Plus, tonight I'm going to see Iron Man at the Alamo Drafthouse. It's a whole comics-themed weekend!

Because you've all been wondering

I finished it!

Well, the main storyline portion of it, anyway. Which puts me at only 60% complete for the whole game, what with all the miscellaneous goofiness (jumps, races, etc.) I have yet to get to. Since I'm sure not getting that Playstation 3 (and Grand Theft Auto IV) any time soon, guess I'll get to work on all that stuff now.

Or I could go outside, and interact with people, and whatnot. We'll see.

Quick Blogger Complaint

When I started this blog, I was in California, on Pacific time. Now I'm in Austin, on Central time. When I write a post, the timestamp on it is still Pacific time. Here's my problem: if I manually change the time on the post to the accurate local time, Blogger thinks I'm postdating it, and holds off on publishing it for two hours, to match California time. (I think this is a new thing; I could swear this wasn't happening a week ago.) But if I change my account settings to Central time, Blogger wants to go back and adjust the time on all my posts ever. Which, in many cases, would actually change the date on the post, too, since I often publish late at night, between 10 PM and midnight. And I don't want that.

Here, look at this post: I'm leaving the timestamp on it as is, which means it will publish well before the post I wrote a half hour ago. I'm time traveling!

It's just irritating, is all. Felt like sharing. You're welcome.

Grove Street 4 Life

In recognition of yesterday's release of Grand Theft Auto IV, I have once again gone back to Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, in an effort to finally, finally finish it. I've made it to the final, riot-filled missions, so I'm almost there! Well, I'm almost to the end of the main story, that is; I've still got less than 50% of the whole game completed, what with the races and hidden items and special jumps and photo opportunities and graffiti tags and whatnot remaining.

My point is, I'm gonna be working on that for a while, which is about the best (read: saddest) reason I've ever had for not posting here much. I know you understand.

Speaking of GTA IV, has there ever been a better-reviewed game? I spent a lot of time reading through various reviews on the net yesterday, and they're all superlative in the extreme, 10 out of 10 or five stars or A+ or whatever way that particular reviewer expresses "best of the best." This is a real console-seller of a game -- I know, because I now desperately want a Playstation 3! Sadly, four hundred bucks is still out of my range. Maybe by my birthday in August!

Sidebar Update

Time for another of my world-famous Sidebar Updates!

The new Object of My Affection is a longtime Object of My Affection: Corinne Bohrer, whom I've loved since E/R. No, not the TV show with George Clooney -- the other TV show with George Clooney! The sitcom from the '80s which also featured Elliot Gould, a pre-Seinfeld Jason Alexander, a pre-Battlestar Galactica Mary McDonnell, and yes, the adorable Ms. Bohrer. Here's a bonus picture of her, being all cute, '80s-style:


And she's also featured in one of the new "Mac/PC" commercials, as PC's therapist:


Still hot! She's turning 50 this year, yet she looks like she's barely aged a day since 1985. Them's good genes.

Stephen King's The Dark Tower is still under Reading. I'm a couple hundred pages into it, and I have to say, it's not really wowing me yet.

For Watching, I continue writing my unabashed love letter to Turner Classic Movies. Best run channel on TV, bar none. This week, I watched a couple great Danny Kaye musical comedies, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and The Court Jester, and an absolutely brilliant Buster Keaton silent, Our Hospitality, which had me rolling with laughter when it didn't have me gasping in shock at the dangerous stunts. And I've got several others recorded and ready to roll, including The Misfits (the last completed film for both Clark Gable and Marilyn Monroe), The Asphalt Jungle (a John Huston classic I've somehow managed to avoid), and what may be the only Scorsese film I've never seen, the musical New York, New York.

Listening to Asking for Flowers, the new album from one of my recent favorites, Canadian alt-country darling Kathleen Edwards. I've actually heard a couple songs from the album getting some radio play in Austin, so hopefully she'll finally gain the American popularity she deserves. And the Lyric of the Moment is taken from the first single, "The Cheapest Key."

And after replacing it with "Loving" in the previous Update, I've restored the Hating entry. Currently, my hate is focused on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, who are doing everything in their power, with their increasingly vicious infighting (and let's face it, especially on the part of Hillary) to the exclusion of all else, to sabotage their own party and give John McCain huge boosts in the polls. Once again, we see there is no election so in-the-bag that the Democrats can not give it away.

And that's about the size of it. Go away!