Where's my royalty check?

Hey, you know how I'm always ripping off The AV Club?

Well, today they ripped me off!

Turnabout's fair play, I guess. I don't see my name in that byline, though!

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I don't want to reprint my entire post, so if you don't want to click that last link (you should! It has pictures!), which listed ten films I consider among my most rewatchable, I'll summarize it here. In no special order:

Robocop
That Thing You Do!
The Princess Bride
Unforgiven
Rio Bravo
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Spider-Man 2
¡Three Amigos!
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Casablanca

Way, way back in the olden times of August 2007, when I ran that post, I said, "I really like The Big Lebowski, too, but I'm not a part of the ever-growing cult who worships it. (Yet.)" I'm definitely in that cult now, and would add it to that list.

And you folks? Again I ask you: what films, great or cheesy, do you find yourself rewatching most often? Don't be shy!

TV: Monk

This week's season premiere of Monk has given me some hope that all is not yet lost. I'm not thrilled that Monk's assistant Sharona, played by Bitty Schram, has been written out of the show; she was a great character, and a large part of why the show worked so well. And word is that Schram's departure from the show was not on the most amicable of terms. (It's always a shame when I hear about behind the scenes conflict on shows I like; it can make the characters on-screen less likeable. This goes all the way back to when I was a kid, and read about strife amongst the child stars on Diff'rent Strokes. They're not really a big happy family?? It broke my widdle heart.)

But I've always liked Traylor Howard, who is replacing her. I liked her on Boston Common, I liked her on Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place -- yes, dammit, I sincerely liked that show! -- and I liked her on Bram & Alice. Wait, no I didn't. That show was wretched. But I like her, is the point. And judging from her first appearance, she'll do just fine. She's a little flat in places, and her character is a little too jaded -- she kills a guy in this episode, stabs him right in the heart with a pair of scissors, a fairly traumatic experience, I would think, and she seems to have shaken it off by the second commercial break -- but I think she'll fit right in to Monk's little world.

And Monk, the character, appears to be back on track. Too often last season, the writers had Monk acting less like a genius detective riddled with phobias and compulsions, and more like a blithering idiot. The show is much more enjoyable, and believable, when Monk is allowed to be competent and smart, despite being handicapped by his mental tics. That's where Tony Shalhoub is at his best, I think -- playing smart.

Good start for the new season -- or, to be technical, the second half of the third season. I hate when shows split up the season like that. South Park does the same thing. A normal TV season does not have a five month break between episodes!

TV: Top Ten

It's that time of year for top ten lists. I love 'em, you love 'em, hell, in December, everyone with access to a keyboard loves 'em. There are a variety of lists I could create -- best movies, best comics, etc. -- and certainly (well, hopefully) those other lists will be coming in the week ahead, but I'll start with what I know best: my top ten TV shows of the year.

1. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
   Still the smartest, funniest show on the air. And at times, when they seem to be the only ones holding politicians accountable for their egregious lies, simply by letting them hang themselves with their own words, you wonder if it isn't the best news program as well. And for this show, and his shocking, thrilling, mesmerizing tirade on Crossfire last October, Jon Stewart is easily the greatest TV entertainer of the year.



2. Lost
   I surprised myself with this one (just as Lost keeps surprising me). When I thought about it, I realized that while I think The Daily Show is better overall, there is no other show on TV whose next episode I anticipate as eagerly as Lost. Fantastic casting from top to bottom (particularly the stunning newcomer Evangeline Lilly as Kate), stellar writing, a totally captivating mystery (several mysteries, really)... it's just great. Finally, a cult show I don't have to worry about disappearing too soon; firmly in the top ten, ratings-wise, this show's cult seems to be everybody.



3. The Shield
   This is why I'm surprised by Lost, because I'd previously held The Shield to be the best TV drama. (Best non-pay cable drama; I don't get HBO or Showtime, so I can't judge The Sopranos, Deadwood, The Wire, etc.) But Michael Chiklis' Vic Mackie remains the best written and acted character on television, and that's in a cast with nothing but brilliantly written and acted characters, including CCH Pounder as Det. Wyms, Jay Karnes as Dutch, and Walt Goggins as the loathsome Shane. This summer's season proved there's still a hell of a lot of kick left in this show; Tavon's horrifying car accident, and Dutch's murdering of a stray cat, remain the most affecting, chilling sequences on television this year.



4. Arrested Development
   This show has moved into my top sitcom slot this year; while I was hoping the new season could merely match its brilliant debut season, it's actually gotten better. This show trusts the audience to be smart enough to both pick up on subtle gags or throwaway jokes (like the Charlie Brown Christmas theme playing while George Michael sadly walks past a dog lying on top of a red doghouse in the background), and to actually use their memory and recall previous episodes (for example, Tobias' ongoing delusion that he's an understudy for the Blue Man Group isn't explicitly mentioned every episode -- but there's always a smear of blue paint on a wall or piece of furniture to give a laugh to those paying attention). This show's surprise win for Best Comedy at the 2004 Emmys doesn't seem to have helped it in the Nielsens; I wish everyone would watch this unbelievably hilarious show before it succumbs to poor ratings.



5. Scrubs
   Just edged out by Arrested as the funniest sitcom, it's still a tremendous half-hour. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, John C. McGinley, and perhaps my favorite, Neil Flynn as the vengeful Janitor, they're all great, and the writing of course is top-notch, but I want to mention another ingredient to this show's success: the choreography. The physical comedy, the lightning quick verbal exchanges, even the subtle gestures of one actor playing off another, they're all so perfectly timed for maximum comedic effect. There's so much going on for the eyes, this show would almost be as much fun to watch with the sound off.



6. Desperate Housewives
   After Lost, my second favorite new show this year. I wouldn't dare miss an episode; I love Felicity Huffman, I looooove Marcia Cross, and I can't wait to see what embarrassing and probably skin-revealing incident Teri Hatcher will get herself into each week. I'm aware it's just soapy, trashy fun on the level of Melrose Place. (Which I never watched, but judging how much I love Marcia Cross on Housewives, maybe I should've.) But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's pure enjoyment. It does feel weird including it on a list which should be celebrating greatness in TV -- Hill Street Blues, this isn't. But it's my list, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.



7. South Park
   I balked at including a show in which one episode, mirroring the presidential election, centered on a vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. But this year South Park proved it's still as brilliantly satirical and side-splittingly hilarious as it's always been. The destruction of Mel Gibson in "The Passion of the Jew," which aired in the first half of the season, back in March, and the last new episode of this year, "Woodland Critter Christmas," featuring Disney-like forest creatures trying to birth the spawn of Satan, are on par with the best this show has ever offered; sick, biting, hysterical stuff.



8. Veronica Mars
   My third favorite new show of the year. There's an excellent overarching mystery involving the death of Veronica's best friend and her mother's subsequent disappearance, and Kristen Bell is fantastic as the lead character -- smart, cool, cute, vulnerable, funny. Enrico Colantoni lends excellent support as her father -- it's a great change seeing a TV father who's not only not clueless, but every bit as sharp and engaging as his offspring (unless it turns out he's not Veronica's biological father -- more mystery!) -- but the rest of the cast is uneven; I could especially do without "Weevil", the tiniest, most unrealistically threatening "hoodlum" since the Fonz.



9. Alias
   Last season was down a bit from the previous two, but, much like creator J.J. Abrams' new show, Lost, it's still rock-solid entertainment, with thrilling action sequences, shocking, over-the-top plot twists, great acting all around, a real sense of humor about itself, and nail-biting cliffhangers every week. It's my most anticipated mid-season premiere (January 5!), and its pairing with Lost is TV scheduling heaven.



10. Dinner for Five
    The best talk show on TV (The Daily Show, of course, is more than just a talk show), and the only uncensored one, as far as I know, Dinner for Five brings four celebrities together with host Jon Favreau at a different posh restaurant each week, plies them with food and liquor, and lets them go. Favreau occasionally tries to steer the conversation, but with guests like David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, Marilyn Manson, Andy Dick, Vince Vaughn, Kevin Smith, Sarah Silverman, Dom DeLuise, and Will Ferrell, sometimes he just winds them up and stands back. And it never fails to fascinate. The guests are given time to tell elaborate stories, and they often tell stories they wouldn't feel free to tell elsewhere (slamming people they've worked with, for example). They also are free to go off on extended comedic riffs, and to rip on each other as the whim strikes them. For anyone at all interested in show business, this is a can't-miss show. (Except, of course, it's on IFC, which means for most of you it's can't-catch.)

Let's take a look at a few other samples from my regular viewing:

Best Accidental Discovery
While flipping through channels one night, I ran across Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic (good luck for most of the country locating that channel). Hosted by Randy and Jason Sklar, identical twin comedians, this is kind of an MST3K for bad sports shows. The two of them watch old, weird, niche programming from ESPN's vast tape library, like Putt-Putt Tournaments, or Spelling Bees, or the Lumberjack Games, and intersperse it with jokes and skits (featuring such guests as Kerri Kenney, H. Jon Benjamin, or Ed Helms) mocking the action. Very funny, if you can find it.

Best Mini-Series
And indeed, the only mini-series I watched this year: Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars. A tremendous wrap-up to one of the best science fiction programs ever. I'm still hoping the ratings for this event will justify bringing John Crichton, Aeryn Sun, Scorpius, and the rest of the cast back for one more go-around, but I'm not holding my breath. (I'm not counting The 4400 as a mini-series, because, as USA insisted on telling me 17,000 times an hour: it was a "limited" series, not a mini-series. And unprecedented, did they mention unprecedented?? Also, I wound up not liking it all that much.)

Best Show I Never Watch
It's a tie! I really enjoyed the first episode of House, especially star Hugh Laurie's riveting turn as the cantankerous genius doctor (and of course there's Lisa Edelstein, whom I always love), but I've been unable to catch it ever since; it airs opposite Scrubs and Veronica Mars. TiVo can only do so much, Fox! Tonight, Fox is wisely airing two repeats to try to reach a wider audience -- hey, that's me! There's not nearly as much good TV on Mondays, so I'll be able to catch both episodes. I hope Fox will consider making this change permanent. The other show is That '70s Show, which I think is hilarious, but it's on versus Lost and Smallville. At least I can catch it in reruns.

Best Show I Just Kind Of Don't Feel Like Watching
Kevin Hill. I've enjoyed every episode I've watched, but for some reason I tend to let it sit unwatched on my TiVo until it's about to be deleted, and only then do I bother to check it out. And I always like it... but I always let the next episode sit unwatched again. I think I may actually have reached the previously-believed-to-be-boundless limits of my TV-watching capabilities with this show!

Biggest Disappointments
It's a three-way tie! Monk, The Amazing Race, and Joan of Arcadia. I've previously written about my problems with this year's seasons of Monk and TAR, so I'll concentrate on Joan. The problem there is the lack of joy, or fun, or silliness. Everything's gotten so dark and depressing. Joan's best friend dies, the Girardis are being sued by the family of the boy who crippled their son, Grace's mother is an alcoholic, and on and on and on. Didn't this show used to be fun last year? What happened? There are still some light moments, but they're much less frequent, and much clumsier, than last season (and they usually involve Constance Zimmer as ex-nun Lilly; she's a real kick). If I were Joan, I'd trade in her god for a new model. This one's a bummer.

Guiltiest Pleasure
Two and a Half Men. I watched one episode at a friend's house, and was surprised to find it wasn't as awful as I'd always assumed it would be. In fact, it's really very funny. I'm completely hooked on it. I know! What's wrong with me?? I think it's surpassed Everybody Loves Raymond as my 4th favorite sitcom (after the two in my top ten list, and Less Than Perfect, which probably should also be a guilty pleasure, but I can't find it in me to be ashamed of liking a show featuring Patrick Warburton).

Just Kind of There
Smallville has had its moments this year, including a surprisingly good episode in which Clark and Lionel Luthor switched bodies, but the new characters aren't working for me (the Lois Lane actress -- whom I've previously sworn never to name again -- grew on me a little, but she's still more irritating than charming, and Jason is just a warmed-over Whitney), and that whole deal with Lana's tattoo is really lame. Also: The Simpsons. This is really on cruise control. It's generally reliably funny, but the characters don't engage me the way they used to; they've drifted too far from any kind of grounding reality to be really affecting anymore. The show has become primarily sight gags and movie parodies and physical comedy, not the character-based humor that made the show so great. I've been surprised to find this season that if I miss an episode, I'm not that concerned.

Whatever Happened to Must See Thursday?
I'm still watching Joey, although as God is my witness, I couldn't tell you why. And Will & Grace still has its moments. But if I see it, that's fine, and if I don't, that's fine, too. The Apprentice I avoid like the plague, and I think ER was actually cancelled four years ago, but like the undead creature it is, it keeps shambling grotesquely forth.

You Had Me, And Then You Lost Me
Rescue Me and Jack & Bobby. These shows drew me in with their promising debuts, then repelled me with their despicable lead characters. Denis Leary's Tommy on Rescue Me is a lying, cheating, reprehensible thug, who possesses none of the charm of Leary's previous flawed public servant, cop Mike from The Job. And Christine Lahti, who plays the mother on Jack & Bobby is such a shrill, stupid, horrible woman, I couldn't stand watching her beyond the first three episodes. I would include Boston Legal in this category, but I knew before it aired that I would like it at first, then quickly lose interest, same as with any David E. Kelley show.

You Had Me, And Then You Lost Me, And Then You Had Me Again
Both Star Trek: Enterprise and Gilmore Girls have bounced back after their less than wonderful previous seasons. Enterprise's return to self-contained stories rather than last season's year-long Xindi hunt is most welcome; even the three-parter with Brent Spiner felt blessedly brief and to the point. And I have to admit, I'm kind of digging the whole Trip & T'Pol soap opera. But everyone else is such a drag. Maybe the other characters need to get laid, too, to develop some personalities. And Gilmore Girls has succeeded in bringing Luke and Lorelai together as a couple, while not skimping on stories for other characters; I especially enjoyed Jackson's run for, and election as, mayor (or town elder or whatever he's called) of Stars Hollow. The writers need to be careful with Rory, though; she's becoming as self-absorbed and callous as her mother has been prone to be in previous years. (Or, as I described her in an earlier draft: she's kind of becoming a dumb bitch. Am I wrong?)

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And what about you? Did I leave off something you love? Do I love something you hate? Are you disappointed I didn't dump on Sex and the City one last time? Jump in on this one, TV fans.

MOVIES: Team America: World Police

Team America: World Police wasn't nearly as funny as Trey Parker & Matt Stone's last film, South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut, and, in my eyes, nowhere near as offensive, but a lot more people seem to be taking offense to this one. I imagine it's because Team America targets liberals more explicitly than Parker & Stone usually do, making liberals think that the two of them are revealing themselves to be conservative Bush supporters. Which, #1, I doubt is true, and #2, even if it is, this movie can hardly be used to prove it. So they make Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, and a host of other outspoken liberal actors out to be idiots, dupes, even traitors. Keep in mind that it's within a movie whose entire premise is an attack on the conservative cowboy mentality that has America invading countries on a whim and a lie. Parker & Stone and this film aren't too conservative -- they're even-handed in their satire, which apparently pisses a lot of folks off.

Roger Ebert, in his one-star review of the film, claims it is too even-handed, and cites his inability to pin down the film's political POV as a reason to dislike the film.

If I were asked to extract a political position from the movie, I'd be baffled. It is neither for nor against the war on terrorism, just dedicated to ridiculing those who wage it and those who oppose it.... I wasn't offended by the movie's content so much as by its nihilism. At a time when the world is in crisis and the country faces an important election, the response of Parker, Stone and company is to sneer at both sides -- indeed, at anyone who takes the current world situation seriously.

Now, I like Ebert, and I'm a liberal. But: what a load of liberal horseshit. He's mad the movie didn't make its politics more clear? Yeah, right. Do you think he would've liked it better if it had been more clearly pro-Bush? Not in a million years. No, he simply hates the movie because it doesn't only attack the conservatives, but offers equal criticism of the flaws on both sides.

And I'm all right with that, even if Ebert is not. Because, above and beyond the politics, this movie is funny. I said it wasn't as funny as South Park, but it certainly had a great number of huge laughs. From the ridiculous Arab "disguise" new Team America recruit Gary dons, to the hilarious songs (like "Pearl Harbor Sucked and I Miss You" or Kim Jong Il's "I'm So Ronery" or the Team's oft-repeated theme song, "America -- Fuck, Yeah!"), to the absurdly ultra-violent demises of Tim Robbins, Janeane Garofalo, Samuel L. Jackson and friends, to Gary's endless drunken vomiting, to, yes, the infamous puppet sex scene (prefaced by this great exchange between Lisa, whose fiancee was killed by terrorists, and Gary: "If you could promise me you'll never die, I would make love to you right now." "I promise I will never die"), I was laughing almost constantly.

Regarding that sex scene: the ratings board are morons. This scene had to be resubmitted, what, twelve times before they would lower the rating from NC-17? I can't imagine what was cut, but what's in the movie is no more graphic than bumping a naked Ken doll and Barbie doll together. It's hilarious to see the different crazy positions they take -- but NC-17 level offensive? Not even close. They don't even have any naughty bits. (Maybe that's what got cut.)

And of course, there's the end soliloquy by Gary, in which he puts the world into three categories: pussies, dicks, and assholes, with assholes being the terrorists, dicks being the Team America cowboys, and pussies being those who think we can all just talk our differences out. I think this is what has offended the most people, and I can see why. It's a foolish over-simplification, and it seems to suggest all diplomatic efforts are worthless, and all war is justified. Seems to suggest, I say, because, call me crazy, but I'm not willing to take a strictly literalist view of a marionette comedy (even if Parker & Stone have parroted the same over-simplification in interviews). And, again, even if Parker & Stone believe every syllable of it, it doesn't really faze me, because it's still funny in the way it's phrased, and the movie as a whole is still funny.

I didn't go to Team America: World Police to be told how to vote, to bolster my political views, or to change my way of thinking. I went to laugh, and I did. Mission accomplished!