COMICS: Wed. 10/27/04

Amazing Spider-Man: Why did I even get this issue? Morbid curiosity, I guess. I wonder if the bit with the Spider-Man stalker/comic book guy on the news was in anticipation of the backlash Straczynski knew he'd be getting from the comics community after his last issue. There are things about this story I think I really could've enjoyed -- Norman Osborn raising his children to hate and kill Peter Parker, a battle on the site of Gwen Stacy's death -- if Straczynski hadn't found it necessary to retroactively befoul the character of Gwen Stacy. Even if it were some bullshit like the kids were cloned from Gwen's blood or something like that, it would be more palatable than the way it stands now.

Daredevil: I read this last night while I was kind of drunk, and I don't remember a goddam thing about it. Other than parts of it were in black & white. And I have no desire to read it again. I gotta force myself not to buy this out of reflex anymore.

We3: This is so fucking brilliant it hurts. To turn these ludicrous animal soldiers first into horrifyingly convincing death dealers, then into objects of unironic, heartbreaking pity -- it's absolutely wonderful writing. And the art -- wow. Quitely is a master. The most beautifully rendered carnage since Bissette and Totleben's Miracleman work. I'm gonna go ahead and say Morrison and Quitely together make for one of the most powerful teams in comics history. The fact that they can actually convey to the reader the way the animals' senses work on a different, higher level than the humans (through the multiple mini-panels, the timelapse photography-style fast motion, and especially the sequence of skewed panels on pages 12 & 13) is awesome. And the emotions that they elicited merely by having 1 lower his head and say, "BAD DOG" -- it's a powerhouse of a comic.

Green Lantern: Rebirth: I picked this one up because apparently I'm a sucker for hype. I've always liked the idea of Green Lantern, but I've never been thrilled enough with any of the comic's writers to make it a regular habit. I'm aware of most of GL's recent history, but still, there is a lot in this issue that makes me feel like I wasn't being allowed to join in the reindeer games. Like the dude in jail with the giant head, Hector Hammond -- what the hell? I kind of liked the story and the writing -- although, in contrast with Mike, I did not enjoy the confrontation between John Stewart and Batman; Batman is portrayed as alternately a raving lunatic, and a cowering weakling, clutching impotently at his cape, and Stewart's self-righteous anger plays as totally false, especially considering the fact that he's defending a man who murdered, like, a bajillion people. (Mike's right about the purty art, though.) But I don't like the idea that a comics fiend like myself still feels left in the dark by any number of references. Why oh why did I buy 20 copies of this issue??

The Authority: Revolution: Has some of the same problems as Green Lantern -- I don't know the Authority universe very well, don't know if the villains are old or new, don't know if this takeover of America commenced with this issue, or if this is continuing something previously established... and so on. But I like Ed Brubaker, and I think I'm going to like this story. The only other Authority comics I've read were the first TPB collection, which I thought was attempting to emulate Miracleman -- superheroes take over the world -- with none of the subtlety or thoughtfulness, just a bunch of idiots punching people's brains out. This first issue of Brubaker's puts some of that thought that was lacking into the story. I'm definitely going to want to read the whole 12 issues -- I just haven't decided if I'm going to continue with it monthly, or wait for the trade.

TV: The Fastest Men Alive

There's a new fastest man alive: on Sunday, Ben Gatlin won the gold in the 100-meter dash, in an incredible 9.85 seconds. Even more incredible, the silver went to a time of 9.86 seconds, the bronze to 9.87 seconds. Fourth was 9.89, fifth was 9.94, sixth was 10 even. That's inconceivable to me. How can you even register 1/100th of a second difference? Is one guy's nose longer than the other's? You can't help but think of that Seinfeld joke about the minute differences between Olympic heroes and nobodies. "First place, [moves head back two inches] dead last. [Moves head forward two inches] Greatest guy in the world, [moves head back two inches] never heard of him."

(I promise I won't write any more about the Olympics today, except to note that I've been enjoying the women's diving competitions for all the wrong reasons.)

Meanwhile, the fastest man alive is missing in action on Justice League Unlimited. Where the hell is the Flash?? We're four episodes in, and he hasn't even had one line yet. I can't even recall if he made an appearance in the first episode. Not to say I haven't been enjoying the show. Last week's episode with the Justice League Babies was hilarious, especially young Wonder Woman's crush on young Batman, but it was a light, inconsequential episode that probably should have come later in the season, after the new rotating cast premise had been better established (apparently, this was originally supposed to air as the fifth show of the season, rather than the third). And this week's Hawk and Dove episode was decent, if not overwhelming. The voice-casting of Hawk and Dove was inspired (Wonder Years brothers Jason Hervey and Fred Savage, with Hervey here switching roles as the younger, kinder brother, Savage playing the older, tougher one -- come on, you couldn't have had a guy named "Savage" play the Dove, could you?); in addition, Michael York was a great villain's voice, and Ed Asner as Hephaestus had some cute, borderline naughty wordplay with Wonder Woman (involving the tightness of her costume).

But dammit, where's the Flash? Is Michael Rosenbaum too busy on Smallville to make the trip to the voice sessions? Hell, he's practically out of the opening credits as it is; the new opening animation suggests Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are the Justice League, and Flash, Green Lantern, and Martian Manhunter are now merely part of the giant supporting cast -- featured supporting players, yes, but not the headliners.

Maybe it's just as well; the writers have never really known how to portray Flash's powers accurately. When they've used him to the best effect (as in the brilliant "A Better World" two-parter), he's nearly a match for Superman; more often, though, he's a clown. Comic relief, that's one thing, but he's just a clown, in and out of battle. He's been taken down by the lamest villains, and his speed, which should be supersonic at the very least, near light speed at best, is often reduced to barely that of a speeding car.

Over on Teen Titans, the same can be said of Beast Boy. His powers are phenomenal, but he rarely uses them to their true potential; hell, most of the time, he forgets he can turn into something that can fly. This week, while in wolf-form, he got his foot trapped under a rock. Rather than turning into any of a hundred animals that could've escaped (from an elephant to an earthworm), he turned back into his human form (still trapped) and tried to reason with his attacker, Terra. More emotionally affecting, perhaps, making heartfelt pleas to his erstwhile friend, but stupid from any practical point of view.

When the writers have used him well, Beast Boy has been more than a match even for the Titans' arch-nemesis, Slade (though, having defeated Slade a couple episodes ago, BB reverted to his usual clown-like self and allowed him to walk away with Terra in tow). I don't mind comic relief in my superhero teams; I just wish more often they'd live up to their superheroic capabilities, rather than taking all the pratfalls.

COMICS: The New Frontier

I've been saying for a while now that, despite the seemingly unanimous praise from everyone else, Darwyn Cooke's The New Frontier has failed to blow me away.

Then I read issue #5.

From Hal Jordan's experimenting with the Green Lantern ring and almost dropping a mountain on himself, to Superman's and Batman's meeting, with Superman questioning Batman's new child-friendly appearance, to Jimmy Olsen's "Well jeez, Rocky. He's Superman", to Aquaman's "At my back, the largest army in the world", to the bloodied interior of Wonder Woman's invisible plane, to Lois Lane's "You get this shot or I'll throw you off this goddamned chopper!", to the blurry first view of the Centre, to Flash taking up his costume again, to Hal's "Let me tell you something Miss Rich Bitch", to his and Carol's kiss in front of the jet engine, to the destruction of Paradise Island, to Superman's "I see I have your attention" and his rousing speech --

Yeah. This was the one that blew me away.

COMICS: Wed. 8/4/04

I'm late on this week's comics reviews, but I have a valid excuse: I was absolutely overwhelmed with the sheer volume of new comics I purchased this week. I truly went overboard. I mean, here's the list:

1) Y: The Last Man

Oh, I guess that's it. So really, I have no excuse, and I'm just a lazy bastard.

Here's my review:

I liked it. Naked butts are funny. The end.

Okay, wait, I've got one or two other thoughts. Number one is, of course, what a great ending it was. After 25 issues, it's about damn time we saw what Beth was up to in Australia! Now, I just hope they don't drop her for another 25 issues. I get the feeling the next arc will feature Beth in a big way, though Dorian, for one, does not -- he tells me that solicitation info for the next issues indicates it's more adventures with Yorick, this time in San Francisco. Well, Vaughan can switch back and forth from Yorick to Beth, can't he?

Also, I get the feeling a lot of people were a little unhappy with this two-part story, but I enjoyed it, both for Yorick reaching a big milestone (the last man on Earth finally gets laid! Geez, Abe Vigoda would've gotten lucky before this guy), the shots Vaughan (via Beth #2) took at the Left Behind books in part one, and just the overall feel that this was a breather between bigger stories. It was a fine change of pace -- but I'm ready for something big to happen next.

Other stuff I bought:

Ultimate X-Men: The New Mutants TPB, which I haven't read yet. It's Bendis, I had to get it. It's a sickness.

PvP at large, which I have read, and which had me laughing out loud many times. Kurtz has a great cartooning style (although I noticed in this book that some of his lines look a little rough-edged, possibly due to transferring the strips from computer to print; I don't know for sure if he does all his art directly on the computer, but I kind of assume he does, which unfortunately results in a little pixellation-blur in the printing process), and the jokes are funnier for the characters' facial expressions (sometimes just a raised eyebrow works) and well-developed personalities.

The New Frontier, issues 4 and 5. I'd gotten the first and second issues because of all the wild praise they were getting, and I wasn't blown away. I dropped the book, but then Ian and Corey were raving about it at the store on Wednesday, so I decided to give it another shot -- no copies of #3 were to be found, though. I read #4 last night, and liked it better than the first two, but still, I'm not feeling the overwhelming love for it everyone else is. Maybe when I get all six, I'll appreciate it more. This is a lot of money I'm investing in a hunch (that I will gain appreciation for it); I mean, it's seven damn bucks a pop! I am looking forward to reading #5 tonight, because I know Hal Jordan is finally getting his Green Lantern ring, and I've heard all about the Wonder Woman/Invisible Jet sequence, which sounds really cool.

COMICS: Jack Green? Black Lantern?

I think the idea of a Green Lantern movie starring Jack Black is great. So there.

I mean, come on. Some things are going to work well on the screen, and some things, no matter how hard you try, are going to look a little goofy. That's why I have no great faith in the upcoming Fantastic Four film -- no matter how expensive the special effects are, a man stretching his body like rubber is just going to look plain silly. Same with Green Lantern: he's got a magic ring that makes giant green boxing gloves. Sure, sure, they made GL pretty darn cool on the Justice League cartoon -- but still, it's a cartoon. I just can't picture a serious live action Green Lantern looking anything but a little ridiculous. If it's going to be made, then go with the ridiculous, embrace it, cast Jack Black. And -- as has already been suggested by Mike's co-worker Chris: Ben Stiller as Sinestro. Or Vince Vaughn!