TV: Yet Even Still More Fall Season 2005 Previews

I've already looked at the worst ABC, NBC, and CBS have to offer. Now, on to Fox, the WB, and UPN, where I'm sure we will find nothing but top-notch quality entertainment. In fact, I'd bet my life on it!*

First up: Fox.

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I love how Kitchen Confidential is "based on renowned chef Anthony Bourdain's best-selling autobiography," yet the main character's name has been changed to Jack Bourdain. What the? What is the point of that? TV is weird. And check out Nicholas Brendon in the cast picture. Now, I don't want to go making snap judgments on a show I haven't even seen yet,** but if his character isn't gay, I will give each one of you a shiny new nickel.***

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Prison Break looks like an interesting (dopey, but interesting) premise for a mini-series: dude's brother is on death row, scheduled to be executed in a few months; dude gets himself arrested, and sent to the same prison, to help his brother escape. But how does that work in the long term, if the show actually survives the season, or many seasons? How does the brother not get executed in a few months, while also neither being released nor escaping? And how tedious will the show get by the end of the first year? Or the second? "Well, you've been here two years now, dude. How's that brilliant escape plan of yours going?" "Shut up!!"

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I find it telling that in the show description for The Loop, we learn that main characters Sam's "roommate, PIPER, is a medical student, Sam’s college pal and – unbeknownst to her – his longtime crush." Yet, in the cast photo: no Piper. You know what that means? The actress who played Piper in the pilot episode: canned. Sacked. Shown the door. Escorted by security from the premises. Ouch. Also: surely Philip Baker Hall can do better than this.

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The Gate, which will surely be the finest crime drama set in San Francisco since Nash Bridges, centers on Detective Graham Hale of "the San Francisco Police Department's Deviant Crime Unit." I'll see you a Special Victims Unit, Law & Order, and I'll raise you a Deviant Crime Unit! Coming in 2006: Minneapolis Blue: Fucked-Up Pervo Freakazoid Shitfit Unit****.

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WB and UPN later today. In case you were wondering.

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*Well, I'd bet your life on it. But I'd get good odds.
**Lie.
***Also a lie.
****Starring Crispin Glover and Anne Heche. Hey, I bet I could sell that! Hands off! It's my idea!