New TV

The new TV season has begun, and I just don't much give a crap. Not yet, at least. Not when all the new stuff is on the CW.

I watched some of that new 90210 over at a friend's house while we were having a barbecue, and while it wasn't immediately, overwhelmingly stupid, it certainly didn't achieve the level of scintillating entertainment I require from my television viewing (says the guy who hasn't yet missed an episode of The Big Bang Theory).

As I would expect from a show run by Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas, there were a few moments of humor, and there were actually a few surprisingly enjoyable references back to the old (I almost said "classic," which is a misnomer if ever there were one) series, such as a teacher's reference to Andrea Zuckerman's daughter: "What is she, 30?" (For those who never watched the old show, Gabrielle Carteris, who played Andrea, was the oldest of the original "kids," hitting 30 midway through the 1st season.) But during my admittedly fractured watching of the 2-hour pilot, I didn't find any new characters worth caring about, and seeing a reunion between the old show's Kelly, Brenda, and Nat isn't near enough to keep me tuning in.

Three other CW shows have returned with new episodes this week, but they are all beneath contempt, so: moving on.

Most other networks are holding off on new programming for three or four more weeks, but like the CW, Fox has also jumped the gun with new episodes this week: Prison Break is back, as is Bones. I quit on Prison Break a long while ago, though I get a kick out of the news that a character who was decapitated last year will be coming back to the show. Guess she got better. (Or rather, the actress has given up on her contract negotiations.) And Bones returned with a 2-hour special set in London, of which I saw about five minutes. Bones is occasionally fun but definitely non-essential viewing for me.

FX also premiered two shows this week, the final season of The Shield and the first episode of the new biker club drama, Sons of Anarchy, which is supposed to be brilliant. I TiVoed both, but haven't watched either yet. I still haven't seen the previous season of The Shield, but I've got all four discs from Netflix, and I'll be catching up this week. Hopefully I'll be able to start watching new episodes by next week. And Sons of Anarchy I plan on watching tonight and reviewing tomorrow. It's got Ron Perlman and Katey Sagal. That's gold, Jerry! Gold!!!

I have the feeling my TV watching (and blogging) will be much curtailed this new season. I'm definitely not going to watch every new show, as I've done in previous years. Too much of it looks like utter garbage. But I am a TV addict, after all, so I'll be checking in here and there with some of the new and some of the old. Let me know if there's anything I'm missing out on!

TV: Top Ten

It's that time of year for top ten lists. I love 'em, you love 'em, hell, in December, everyone with access to a keyboard loves 'em. There are a variety of lists I could create -- best movies, best comics, etc. -- and certainly (well, hopefully) those other lists will be coming in the week ahead, but I'll start with what I know best: my top ten TV shows of the year.

1. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
   Still the smartest, funniest show on the air. And at times, when they seem to be the only ones holding politicians accountable for their egregious lies, simply by letting them hang themselves with their own words, you wonder if it isn't the best news program as well. And for this show, and his shocking, thrilling, mesmerizing tirade on Crossfire last October, Jon Stewart is easily the greatest TV entertainer of the year.



2. Lost
   I surprised myself with this one (just as Lost keeps surprising me). When I thought about it, I realized that while I think The Daily Show is better overall, there is no other show on TV whose next episode I anticipate as eagerly as Lost. Fantastic casting from top to bottom (particularly the stunning newcomer Evangeline Lilly as Kate), stellar writing, a totally captivating mystery (several mysteries, really)... it's just great. Finally, a cult show I don't have to worry about disappearing too soon; firmly in the top ten, ratings-wise, this show's cult seems to be everybody.



3. The Shield
   This is why I'm surprised by Lost, because I'd previously held The Shield to be the best TV drama. (Best non-pay cable drama; I don't get HBO or Showtime, so I can't judge The Sopranos, Deadwood, The Wire, etc.) But Michael Chiklis' Vic Mackie remains the best written and acted character on television, and that's in a cast with nothing but brilliantly written and acted characters, including CCH Pounder as Det. Wyms, Jay Karnes as Dutch, and Walt Goggins as the loathsome Shane. This summer's season proved there's still a hell of a lot of kick left in this show; Tavon's horrifying car accident, and Dutch's murdering of a stray cat, remain the most affecting, chilling sequences on television this year.



4. Arrested Development
   This show has moved into my top sitcom slot this year; while I was hoping the new season could merely match its brilliant debut season, it's actually gotten better. This show trusts the audience to be smart enough to both pick up on subtle gags or throwaway jokes (like the Charlie Brown Christmas theme playing while George Michael sadly walks past a dog lying on top of a red doghouse in the background), and to actually use their memory and recall previous episodes (for example, Tobias' ongoing delusion that he's an understudy for the Blue Man Group isn't explicitly mentioned every episode -- but there's always a smear of blue paint on a wall or piece of furniture to give a laugh to those paying attention). This show's surprise win for Best Comedy at the 2004 Emmys doesn't seem to have helped it in the Nielsens; I wish everyone would watch this unbelievably hilarious show before it succumbs to poor ratings.



5. Scrubs
   Just edged out by Arrested as the funniest sitcom, it's still a tremendous half-hour. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, John C. McGinley, and perhaps my favorite, Neil Flynn as the vengeful Janitor, they're all great, and the writing of course is top-notch, but I want to mention another ingredient to this show's success: the choreography. The physical comedy, the lightning quick verbal exchanges, even the subtle gestures of one actor playing off another, they're all so perfectly timed for maximum comedic effect. There's so much going on for the eyes, this show would almost be as much fun to watch with the sound off.



6. Desperate Housewives
   After Lost, my second favorite new show this year. I wouldn't dare miss an episode; I love Felicity Huffman, I looooove Marcia Cross, and I can't wait to see what embarrassing and probably skin-revealing incident Teri Hatcher will get herself into each week. I'm aware it's just soapy, trashy fun on the level of Melrose Place. (Which I never watched, but judging how much I love Marcia Cross on Housewives, maybe I should've.) But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's pure enjoyment. It does feel weird including it on a list which should be celebrating greatness in TV -- Hill Street Blues, this isn't. But it's my list, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.



7. South Park
   I balked at including a show in which one episode, mirroring the presidential election, centered on a vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. But this year South Park proved it's still as brilliantly satirical and side-splittingly hilarious as it's always been. The destruction of Mel Gibson in "The Passion of the Jew," which aired in the first half of the season, back in March, and the last new episode of this year, "Woodland Critter Christmas," featuring Disney-like forest creatures trying to birth the spawn of Satan, are on par with the best this show has ever offered; sick, biting, hysterical stuff.



8. Veronica Mars
   My third favorite new show of the year. There's an excellent overarching mystery involving the death of Veronica's best friend and her mother's subsequent disappearance, and Kristen Bell is fantastic as the lead character -- smart, cool, cute, vulnerable, funny. Enrico Colantoni lends excellent support as her father -- it's a great change seeing a TV father who's not only not clueless, but every bit as sharp and engaging as his offspring (unless it turns out he's not Veronica's biological father -- more mystery!) -- but the rest of the cast is uneven; I could especially do without "Weevil", the tiniest, most unrealistically threatening "hoodlum" since the Fonz.



9. Alias
   Last season was down a bit from the previous two, but, much like creator J.J. Abrams' new show, Lost, it's still rock-solid entertainment, with thrilling action sequences, shocking, over-the-top plot twists, great acting all around, a real sense of humor about itself, and nail-biting cliffhangers every week. It's my most anticipated mid-season premiere (January 5!), and its pairing with Lost is TV scheduling heaven.



10. Dinner for Five
    The best talk show on TV (The Daily Show, of course, is more than just a talk show), and the only uncensored one, as far as I know, Dinner for Five brings four celebrities together with host Jon Favreau at a different posh restaurant each week, plies them with food and liquor, and lets them go. Favreau occasionally tries to steer the conversation, but with guests like David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, Marilyn Manson, Andy Dick, Vince Vaughn, Kevin Smith, Sarah Silverman, Dom DeLuise, and Will Ferrell, sometimes he just winds them up and stands back. And it never fails to fascinate. The guests are given time to tell elaborate stories, and they often tell stories they wouldn't feel free to tell elsewhere (slamming people they've worked with, for example). They also are free to go off on extended comedic riffs, and to rip on each other as the whim strikes them. For anyone at all interested in show business, this is a can't-miss show. (Except, of course, it's on IFC, which means for most of you it's can't-catch.)

Let's take a look at a few other samples from my regular viewing:

Best Accidental Discovery
While flipping through channels one night, I ran across Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic (good luck for most of the country locating that channel). Hosted by Randy and Jason Sklar, identical twin comedians, this is kind of an MST3K for bad sports shows. The two of them watch old, weird, niche programming from ESPN's vast tape library, like Putt-Putt Tournaments, or Spelling Bees, or the Lumberjack Games, and intersperse it with jokes and skits (featuring such guests as Kerri Kenney, H. Jon Benjamin, or Ed Helms) mocking the action. Very funny, if you can find it.

Best Mini-Series
And indeed, the only mini-series I watched this year: Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars. A tremendous wrap-up to one of the best science fiction programs ever. I'm still hoping the ratings for this event will justify bringing John Crichton, Aeryn Sun, Scorpius, and the rest of the cast back for one more go-around, but I'm not holding my breath. (I'm not counting The 4400 as a mini-series, because, as USA insisted on telling me 17,000 times an hour: it was a "limited" series, not a mini-series. And unprecedented, did they mention unprecedented?? Also, I wound up not liking it all that much.)

Best Show I Never Watch
It's a tie! I really enjoyed the first episode of House, especially star Hugh Laurie's riveting turn as the cantankerous genius doctor (and of course there's Lisa Edelstein, whom I always love), but I've been unable to catch it ever since; it airs opposite Scrubs and Veronica Mars. TiVo can only do so much, Fox! Tonight, Fox is wisely airing two repeats to try to reach a wider audience -- hey, that's me! There's not nearly as much good TV on Mondays, so I'll be able to catch both episodes. I hope Fox will consider making this change permanent. The other show is That '70s Show, which I think is hilarious, but it's on versus Lost and Smallville. At least I can catch it in reruns.

Best Show I Just Kind Of Don't Feel Like Watching
Kevin Hill. I've enjoyed every episode I've watched, but for some reason I tend to let it sit unwatched on my TiVo until it's about to be deleted, and only then do I bother to check it out. And I always like it... but I always let the next episode sit unwatched again. I think I may actually have reached the previously-believed-to-be-boundless limits of my TV-watching capabilities with this show!

Biggest Disappointments
It's a three-way tie! Monk, The Amazing Race, and Joan of Arcadia. I've previously written about my problems with this year's seasons of Monk and TAR, so I'll concentrate on Joan. The problem there is the lack of joy, or fun, or silliness. Everything's gotten so dark and depressing. Joan's best friend dies, the Girardis are being sued by the family of the boy who crippled their son, Grace's mother is an alcoholic, and on and on and on. Didn't this show used to be fun last year? What happened? There are still some light moments, but they're much less frequent, and much clumsier, than last season (and they usually involve Constance Zimmer as ex-nun Lilly; she's a real kick). If I were Joan, I'd trade in her god for a new model. This one's a bummer.

Guiltiest Pleasure
Two and a Half Men. I watched one episode at a friend's house, and was surprised to find it wasn't as awful as I'd always assumed it would be. In fact, it's really very funny. I'm completely hooked on it. I know! What's wrong with me?? I think it's surpassed Everybody Loves Raymond as my 4th favorite sitcom (after the two in my top ten list, and Less Than Perfect, which probably should also be a guilty pleasure, but I can't find it in me to be ashamed of liking a show featuring Patrick Warburton).

Just Kind of There
Smallville has had its moments this year, including a surprisingly good episode in which Clark and Lionel Luthor switched bodies, but the new characters aren't working for me (the Lois Lane actress -- whom I've previously sworn never to name again -- grew on me a little, but she's still more irritating than charming, and Jason is just a warmed-over Whitney), and that whole deal with Lana's tattoo is really lame. Also: The Simpsons. This is really on cruise control. It's generally reliably funny, but the characters don't engage me the way they used to; they've drifted too far from any kind of grounding reality to be really affecting anymore. The show has become primarily sight gags and movie parodies and physical comedy, not the character-based humor that made the show so great. I've been surprised to find this season that if I miss an episode, I'm not that concerned.

Whatever Happened to Must See Thursday?
I'm still watching Joey, although as God is my witness, I couldn't tell you why. And Will & Grace still has its moments. But if I see it, that's fine, and if I don't, that's fine, too. The Apprentice I avoid like the plague, and I think ER was actually cancelled four years ago, but like the undead creature it is, it keeps shambling grotesquely forth.

You Had Me, And Then You Lost Me
Rescue Me and Jack & Bobby. These shows drew me in with their promising debuts, then repelled me with their despicable lead characters. Denis Leary's Tommy on Rescue Me is a lying, cheating, reprehensible thug, who possesses none of the charm of Leary's previous flawed public servant, cop Mike from The Job. And Christine Lahti, who plays the mother on Jack & Bobby is such a shrill, stupid, horrible woman, I couldn't stand watching her beyond the first three episodes. I would include Boston Legal in this category, but I knew before it aired that I would like it at first, then quickly lose interest, same as with any David E. Kelley show.

You Had Me, And Then You Lost Me, And Then You Had Me Again
Both Star Trek: Enterprise and Gilmore Girls have bounced back after their less than wonderful previous seasons. Enterprise's return to self-contained stories rather than last season's year-long Xindi hunt is most welcome; even the three-parter with Brent Spiner felt blessedly brief and to the point. And I have to admit, I'm kind of digging the whole Trip & T'Pol soap opera. But everyone else is such a drag. Maybe the other characters need to get laid, too, to develop some personalities. And Gilmore Girls has succeeded in bringing Luke and Lorelai together as a couple, while not skimping on stories for other characters; I especially enjoyed Jackson's run for, and election as, mayor (or town elder or whatever he's called) of Stars Hollow. The writers need to be careful with Rory, though; she's becoming as self-absorbed and callous as her mother has been prone to be in previous years. (Or, as I described her in an earlier draft: she's kind of becoming a dumb bitch. Am I wrong?)

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And what about you? Did I leave off something you love? Do I love something you hate? Are you disappointed I didn't dump on Sex and the City one last time? Jump in on this one, TV fans.

TV: New season update

Very brief updates on how the new shows this season have been holding up:

Jack & Bobby: I thought this would be one of the best new shows. I was way, way wrong. I've dropped the show completely, and it's 100% due to the shrill, idiotic, contemptible figure Jack & Bobby's mother (played by Christine Lahti) has become. She takes some inane, self-righteous, and hateful stand each week, and then is shown to be utterly wrong and made to eat her words. I think, from the way they seem to delight in humiliating and exposing her as a fool and a shrew, that the writers must hate her. I know I do.

Lost: The last episode, delving into some of the mystery of Mr. Locke (Terry O'Quinn), was excellent, especially the surprise ending, which I didn't see coming at all. And some new mysteries of the island were introduced -- who is the man in the suit? (Mr. Roarke? I thought it looked like Fantasy Island!) I think the secrets of the island may well turn out to be half technological in nature, half magical. This show has so many possibilities, and no sign yet that it will squander them. Remains the best new show of the year.

Desperate Housewives: Felicity Huffman's character came off a little better than she did last week, Teri Hatcher continues to beguile (yes, I said beguile), and Marcia Cross is just fascinating. I love this show.

Boston Legal: William Shatner is great. They're letting Mark Valley be more than the tight-ass punchline I thought they were setting him up to be, which is good. But with the introduction of Spader's malevolently insane ex-girlfriend, this show may be primed to jump the shark about a full season before David Kelley's shows usually do. That character is an early sign of Kelley resorting to his worst melodramatic and over-the-top impulses. I instantly hate her. Hope she doesn't become a regular. Rest of the show is stellar; even the three personality-less office beauties are gaining some dimension.

Kevin Hill and Veronica Mars: They're still on UPN, so I'm still waiting for them to go horribly wrong, or get cancelled, or both. But I've enjoyed each episode so far. Fingers crossed!

And a Farscape update: I'm about halfway through season 3 in my catching up on the marathon the Sci-Fi Channel ran last week. Which means I won't be caught up in time for the first installment of The Peacekeeper Wars mini-series tonight. I'm not even going to TiVo it until it repeats next weekend (to save space on my hard drive); hopefully I'll be ready for it then. I have to say, the third season looks substantially different from the previous two; it's lit and shot more like a series of short films, rather than a normal TV show. Which makes each episode feel more important, somehow -- weightier, more significant. I like the look, and I love the show.

TV: Various premieres

Smallville: I don't care for the Lois Lane character. I don't find the actress attractive at all -- which I may be alone on, judging from my recent search engine traffic, which I presume has been generated by my one mention of her name in this post. (I refuse to mention her name again, because, while I still find the search engine hits for "Misty May's ass" amusing -- by the way: Misty May's ass -- I'm not quite as pleased by all the "[actress' name]+topless+nude+naked+tits" hits I've been getting.) And the character is 100% unlikeable. I know, Lois Lane is traditionally brash and aggressive and so forth. But actresses such as Margot Kidder or Teri Hatcher have made those traits disarming and endearing. This actress just comes off as a royal bitch. I can't believe Ma Kent didn't smack the living hell out of her when she burst into her house like that.

Margot Kidder's appearance was fun, but what was with all the WB promos touting her "surprise" cameo? No, you just frickin' told us she would be on the show. That's not a surprise, dumbasses. And is black kryptonite a comic book thing, or is that a Smallville original?

Also, Lana's new boyfriend is a tool.

I enjoyed the hell out of seeing Clark fly, and that take-off was stunning. But this show greatly exceeded my daily allowance of Tom Welling's ass (which, for future reference, is 0%). (Man, I dread the search engine hits that sentence is gonna generate.) If you want to keep putting Lana in the shower, on the other hand, I'm okay with that.

So, Allison Mack and Sam Jones are out of the opening credits. Interesting. It looks like they've left the door open for Chloe to return, but Pete -- not so much. Did anyone even mention his name this episode? And why does Clark insist on being such a doofus about concealing his powers? He uses his X-ray vision on Chloe's coffin, sees it's empty, and instantly tells Lois, "Chloe's still alive." Way to play it cool, there, Clark.

A little too much business to deal with in this episode. Hopefully, now that everything's settled down, the next will be better.

Veronica Mars: The number of shows on UPN I have ever enjoyed has just doubled. (From one -- Enterprise -- to two. And I'm not counting Buffy; the WB developed it, they get the credit.) I really enjoyed this show. The lead actress is very appealing, and her character is smart, brave, and funny. I got a kick out of seeing two TV stand-bys as her parents: Enrico Colantoni (of Just Shoot Me), and Corinne Bohrer (whom I've had a crush on since she was on E/R -- no, not the one currently on the air, but the 80s sitcom starring Elliott Gould and, unbelievably, George Clooney).

The show was created by Rob Thomas, who also created one of my favorite cancelled-too-soon shows of all time, Cupid (which I've written about before). The look of the pilot is a little disappointing; I have to assume it was shot on the cheap, considering it's on UPN, and it shows. But the acting and the writing are more than entertaining enough to make up for that.

I got a little put off by how much misery is dumped on Veronica's head in this one episode. We learn: her best friend was murdered; her father, the Sheriff, botched the investigation and was fired, leading to their dreary financial situation; the man her father accused of the murder was her best friend's father, which led to both her boyfriend (her best friend's brother) dumping her, and her total ostracization by all her former friends; her mother, an alcoholic, ran out on her, and may even be having an affair with the best friend's father; and, to top it all off, at a party she was drugged and raped. It was at that point I said, "Oh, come on!" What else can be done to her? Will she develop a brain tumor? Will her dog get rabies? Will a piano fall from the sky and land on her? Geez, enough already.

But an awful lot of future plotlines were established here, and I think this show could be a real winner. Except for the fact that it's on UPN, which probably means eight episodes and out.

Lost: I loved it. But I'm holding off on talking about it here, because I've already written a column about it for Forces of Good, which will be going live a week from today. Don't forget to check it out!

So all I have to say is: seriously, do not miss this show. It's fantastic.