You Know What I Like? Me.

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. In the past few days, I've broken my foot, and my car has died. 2005 is not winning me over just yet.

Today I present my last Top Ten of 2004 list. And I thought, since all Top Ten lists are inherently egocentric and self-promotional, for my final list I would give you the ultimate masturbatory indulgence:

Tom the Dog's Top Ten Posts of 2004!

HA! I rule! Yes, here are the ten entries since TTDYKWIL? opened in June of last year that I thought were the most significant, the funniest, the best written, the most unfairly overlooked, or in some other way struck my fancy. It is a paean to the wonder of me! My name is Tom the Dog, King of Kings! Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

In chronological order:

1. MOVIES: I'm a good walker, bro. June 28, 2004
   
   My third entry (way back when I was still watching my language; by the way: fuck), my first proper review, and the first and last time I actually used the term "You know what I like?" in one of my posts. I had originally planned on that being a recurring phrase. Guess not.
   
   It's a review of The Station Agent, a wonderful but little seen film that I hope I can get more people to see with this new link. Back when it originally posted, my daily hits were in the high single digits. Now they're in the low triple digits. Yeah, I know, whoopity-doo, but maybe some of you folks who weren't around at the start will now rent the DVD because of this, and that would make me very happy.



2. TV: What about Grape Ape? July 20, 2004
   
   This post, which only kind of almost references Grape Ape in the final paragraph, was the first one which got me some attention via unexpected linkage. It's a pretty funny (if I say so myself, and clearly, I have no problem doing just that) rant about various video music channels, and their infuriating failure to show videos:
   
   

   And, if you've only seen music videos on TRL, here's the kicker -- actual music videos last the ENTIRE LENGTH of a song, and are NOT OBSCURED by fawning text messages from sub-literate dipshits with computer access in their detention facilities, and are ENTIRELY FREE of screaming idiots in Times Square superimposed over the screen!

   as well as a rave for the so, so beautiful VH1 Classic.



3. COMMERCIALS: At least they didn't drag the Pope into it July 24, 2004
   
   Fred Hembeck just posted about classic cartoons being used in TV ads, and wondered if we would soon see "Yogi Bear scampering off into the woods with a roll of Charmin". Well, it wasn't Yogi, but Charmin actually did produce a truly repellent commercial which featured an animated bear shitting in the woods. I rip on said commercial in this post:
   
   

   ...not only will I never buy Charmin, but I think I now actually hate my body and its natural functions a little bit. Thanks, Charmin! Thank you and your defecating cartoon bear!



4. COMICS: Hulk is coolest one there is! August 4, 2004
   
   Ha! I lied to you! I used the phrase "You know what I like?" in this post, too. (My mistake.) In this post I profess my love for ol' Jade Jaws:
   
   

   The Hulk just wanted to kick back in the forest, away from all the puny humans, feed grass to an innocent deer who didn't know to be afraid of the green monster, compose some haikus, I don't know -- and then some dumbass supervillain would always come along and drop a building on the Hulk's head. And so the Hulk would have no choice but to GRRRAAAARRRRRR HULK SMASH!! and whale the holy living shit out of the bad guy.



5. My Herculean Olympics coverage: Part 1 August 18, 2004; Part 2 and Part 3 August 19, 2004; Part 4 August 20, 2004; Part 5 August 23, 2004; Part 6 August 29, 2004
   
   I'm extremely happy with my writing on the Olympics, #1) because it's the most I've written about any one subject, and I think it's pretty well-rounded and entertaining, #2) because I didn't see any other blog doing anything like it, and #3) this is where the running gag about Misty May's ass began. To this day I still get near-daily hits from search engine requests for "Misty May's ass".
   
   Did I mention Misty May's ass?



6. My titanic Emmys coverage: Part 1 and Part 2 September 19, 2004
   
   My first minute-by-minute recapping for this blog; an insanely detailed look at the 2004 Emmys, from the red carpet to the final award. I really love doing this kind of thing, even if very few of you people seem to share my enjoyment. You can expect the same for the Oscars this year. I'd do it for the Grammys and the Tonys too, if my threshold for pain were much much higher.



7. MUSIC: I Get A Kick Out Of... October 12, 2004; MUSIC: Somebody better put you back into your place October 13, 2004
   
   A couple lists of various little things I enjoy about a number of different songs, from John Lennon's singing "Don't you know that you can count me out... in" on "Revolution" and Freddie Mercury's odd pronunciation of "Marie Antoinette" on "Killer Queen".
   
   
8. Nerd Heaven November 29, 2004
   
   My account of the Las Vegas Hilton's Star Trek Experience, the nerdiest place on Earth. And of getting really, really drunk.
   
   

   When the door closed on the shuttle pod, Scoot began poking all the fake buttons on the wall next to him, prompting one of the employees spying on us to announce over the intercom that we shouldn't bother touching the console controls, because they were DNA-encoded to respond only to Enterprise crewmembers. We loved that. Neeerrrrrrd Heaven.

   
   
9. MUSIC: Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs December 2, 2004
   
   One of the highest comment-counts ever for one of my posts. Clearly, I like ripping on "Best of" lists as much as I like making them, and so do you folks.



10. I don't get it December 8, 2004
    
    And finally, the post which I believe has garnered the most comments ever in the short history of my site. It's a list of overwhelmingly popular things, like Radiohead, or My Big Fat Greek Wedding, that I'm not a fan of myself. In fact, I think they stink. So there.

Thank you to all of you who visited my little blog in 2004. And here's to much more pop culture goodness in 2005!

MUSIC: Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs

Last week, Rolling Stone put out its list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Now, lists like these are always going to be more questionable, even laughable, than any true indication of reality, subjective or objective. (I mean, "of all time"? That's ludicrous right off the bat. They're counting Gregorian chants, Carthaginian battle hymns, Babylonian lullabies? Why not just admit: "Greatest Rock Songs Ever, with Some Blues, Soul, Hip-Hop, and Country Randomly Thrown In to Make Us Look Inclusive"?) That said, it's still fun to pick these lists apart.

Certain predictable flaws always pop up in these kinds of musical lists, and this one is no exception:

--Some songs are ranked according to cultural impact rather than true worth; "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is pretty rockin', but the 9th greatest song ever? Lists like this are nothing if not arbitrary, but can they really not think of more than eight better songs in all of modern music? It's ten years after his death, we can be honest now: Kurt Cobain was a terrible singer; he had a great yell, but an all-but-ruined voice and limited range. Lyrically, musically, the song is inventive, captivating, driving, but still. Will this song keep making every list ever just because it made all the depressed teenagers in America want to wear flannel?

--Some songs made the list in a transparent stab at historical relevance; I realize Chuck Berry practically invented rock 'n roll, but #18 for "Maybelline" is a little much. On the other hand, I can't find it in me to argue with "Johnny B. Goode" at #7.

--Some songs are here because of current fads; would Ray Charles' "What'd I Say" be #10 if Ray weren't currently in theaters? Answer: no. (And if you've got to have Charles in the top ten, I think "Georgia on My Mind" would've been the better choice.)

--Some band's songs are ranked in seemingly backward fashion; the Kinks' "Waterloo Sunset" is #42, but "Lola" is way the hell down at #422? That ain't right.

--And the Beatles, as ever, occupy seemingly every other spot. Together and apart, 26 of their songs are on this list, 8 in the top 30. I mean, they were good, but Jesus, give someone else a chance. Surely "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "Help!" don't need to be ranked nearly so high.

Those are what I'd (possibly delusionally) call "objective" problems with the list. On the subjective side: how the hell can The Who not make the top ten? "My Generation" at #11 is close, but not good enough. And their next entry on the list isn't until #133, which is ridiculous: it's "Won't Get Fooled Again," which deserves a top ten slot even more than "My Generation." "Behind Blue Eyes" doesn't even make the list, nor does "Who Are You." But Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back in Town" does? "Pressure Drop" by Toots and the Maytals does? Six Sly & the Family Stone songs do?? (Also: what the hell is "Pressure Drop," and who the hell are Toots and the Maytals?)

Then there's Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run," which doesn't even make the top twenty, ranking at #21. No. Oh, no no no no no. Uh-uh. That's top three, easy. #21? That's just crazy talk. Crazy talk!

"Stairway to Heaven" doesn't make the top thirty (#31). I'm hardly the biggest Led Zeppelin fan; in fact, I think they're one of the most overrated groups ever. But come on. It's "Stairway," dude! You can't fit "Stairway" into the top ten?

On the other hand, it's hard to create a strong argument against most of the songs that are in the top thirty. I don't think I'd have thought of Bob Dylan for the top spot, but I don't have any strong reservations about "Like a Rolling Stone." Seeing "Satisfaction" at #2 makes me wish the two songs were reversed, but it doesn't kill me to see Dylan at #1. Same with "Imagine;" I'd rank it above Dylan as well, but I wouldn't get into a fight over it.

I'm surprised again by Marvin Gaye's high ranking; his album What's Going On made the top five (I think) of Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums a while back, and the title song is #4 on this list. I guess I never really thought of Gaye as such an historically, culturally important voice, but when I see his name on these lists, it doesn't feel wrong.

The rest of the top ten is Aretha Franklin's "Respect," "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys (which I love), the above-mentioned "Johnny B. Goode," the Beatles with "Hey Jude," and "Teen Spirit" and "What'd I Say." And despite my objections above, I really can't argue all that strongly against any of them. (Other than the fact that they clearly robbed The Who of a top ten spot. I really like The Who, can you tell?) Obviously Nirvana means a lot more to a lot of people than they do to me (and I do like them, I just don't worship them), so enjoy your #9 spot.

Anybody else seen this list? Anybody else give a rat's ass?