MUSIC: Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs

Last week, Rolling Stone put out its list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Now, lists like these are always going to be more questionable, even laughable, than any true indication of reality, subjective or objective. (I mean, "of all time"? That's ludicrous right off the bat. They're counting Gregorian chants, Carthaginian battle hymns, Babylonian lullabies? Why not just admit: "Greatest Rock Songs Ever, with Some Blues, Soul, Hip-Hop, and Country Randomly Thrown In to Make Us Look Inclusive"?) That said, it's still fun to pick these lists apart.

Certain predictable flaws always pop up in these kinds of musical lists, and this one is no exception:

--Some songs are ranked according to cultural impact rather than true worth; "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is pretty rockin', but the 9th greatest song ever? Lists like this are nothing if not arbitrary, but can they really not think of more than eight better songs in all of modern music? It's ten years after his death, we can be honest now: Kurt Cobain was a terrible singer; he had a great yell, but an all-but-ruined voice and limited range. Lyrically, musically, the song is inventive, captivating, driving, but still. Will this song keep making every list ever just because it made all the depressed teenagers in America want to wear flannel?

--Some songs made the list in a transparent stab at historical relevance; I realize Chuck Berry practically invented rock 'n roll, but #18 for "Maybelline" is a little much. On the other hand, I can't find it in me to argue with "Johnny B. Goode" at #7.

--Some songs are here because of current fads; would Ray Charles' "What'd I Say" be #10 if Ray weren't currently in theaters? Answer: no. (And if you've got to have Charles in the top ten, I think "Georgia on My Mind" would've been the better choice.)

--Some band's songs are ranked in seemingly backward fashion; the Kinks' "Waterloo Sunset" is #42, but "Lola" is way the hell down at #422? That ain't right.

--And the Beatles, as ever, occupy seemingly every other spot. Together and apart, 26 of their songs are on this list, 8 in the top 30. I mean, they were good, but Jesus, give someone else a chance. Surely "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "Help!" don't need to be ranked nearly so high.

Those are what I'd (possibly delusionally) call "objective" problems with the list. On the subjective side: how the hell can The Who not make the top ten? "My Generation" at #11 is close, but not good enough. And their next entry on the list isn't until #133, which is ridiculous: it's "Won't Get Fooled Again," which deserves a top ten slot even more than "My Generation." "Behind Blue Eyes" doesn't even make the list, nor does "Who Are You." But Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back in Town" does? "Pressure Drop" by Toots and the Maytals does? Six Sly & the Family Stone songs do?? (Also: what the hell is "Pressure Drop," and who the hell are Toots and the Maytals?)

Then there's Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run," which doesn't even make the top twenty, ranking at #21. No. Oh, no no no no no. Uh-uh. That's top three, easy. #21? That's just crazy talk. Crazy talk!

"Stairway to Heaven" doesn't make the top thirty (#31). I'm hardly the biggest Led Zeppelin fan; in fact, I think they're one of the most overrated groups ever. But come on. It's "Stairway," dude! You can't fit "Stairway" into the top ten?

On the other hand, it's hard to create a strong argument against most of the songs that are in the top thirty. I don't think I'd have thought of Bob Dylan for the top spot, but I don't have any strong reservations about "Like a Rolling Stone." Seeing "Satisfaction" at #2 makes me wish the two songs were reversed, but it doesn't kill me to see Dylan at #1. Same with "Imagine;" I'd rank it above Dylan as well, but I wouldn't get into a fight over it.

I'm surprised again by Marvin Gaye's high ranking; his album What's Going On made the top five (I think) of Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums a while back, and the title song is #4 on this list. I guess I never really thought of Gaye as such an historically, culturally important voice, but when I see his name on these lists, it doesn't feel wrong.

The rest of the top ten is Aretha Franklin's "Respect," "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys (which I love), the above-mentioned "Johnny B. Goode," the Beatles with "Hey Jude," and "Teen Spirit" and "What'd I Say." And despite my objections above, I really can't argue all that strongly against any of them. (Other than the fact that they clearly robbed The Who of a top ten spot. I really like The Who, can you tell?) Obviously Nirvana means a lot more to a lot of people than they do to me (and I do like them, I just don't worship them), so enjoy your #9 spot.

Anybody else seen this list? Anybody else give a rat's ass?