TV: Battlestar Galactica

I'm stuck in my crazy little town again today; the one way out of town that has been cleared of mudslides is now in danger of collapsing, so my fifteen minutes commute was three hours and counting this morning (and I even left an hour early!), with at least another hour and a half ahead of me, when I turned back and went home. I would've gotten to the office, probably worked three hours, and then left at 1PM to try to get a jump on the three or four hours commute back home. Which just isn't worth it. (Fortunately my boss agreed.)

Good thing I've got TiVo! And plenty of TV to write about. For example: the new version of Battlestar Galactica on the Sci-Fi Channel.

I loved last year's mini-series, the precursor to this new continuing series. But when I recently spoke with a friend about it, he said, "Dude, they turned Starbuck into a chick!" And I had to say, in essence, "Well, you know what? I do not have any allegiance to Dirk Benedict. I have no reverence for the sanctity of the character's original depiction. It's not like they replaced Orson Welles with Pauly Shore. It's Dirk freakin' Benedict." In fact, I will go farther (and pregnant women or those with heart conditions may want to look away): the original series sucked. It sucked ass.

The only reason anybody liked it at all when it first came out was because Star Wars had debuted the year before, and fans were hungry for more science fiction, however they could get it. And even in that frenzy for more space opera, how crappy was that crappy knock-off? I'll tell you how crappy: it only lasted one season. Most people don't seem to remember that. It was cancelled after one lousy season. You know why? You know why? Because it sucked! Come on! I just said it! Stay with me, here! (The less said about the attempt to reprise it two years later, as Galactica 1980, the better.)

So yeah, a chick is playing Starbuck. And I really like her. Her name is Katee Sackhoff, and she was on a great Richard Dreyfuss show a couple years back called The Education of Max Bickford. (Although I will admit I may be alone in that opinion, since, like the original Galactica, it too was cancelled after only one season.) She's more than convincing as the charismatic, tightly wound, self-destructive Starbuck, and has an appealing tomboy-sexiness to her.

That's not nearly the only change from the original. Boomer's a chick, too. And the series is much darker in tone, with Commander Adama (a great Edward James Olmos performance) and President Laura Roslin (an equally great Mary McDonnell) having to make incredibly difficult choices to insure the survival of the human species -- such as, in the mini-series, abandoning dozens of refugee ships that couldn't keep up, or, in the new episodes, firing on one of the refugee ships that may (or may not) have been infiltrated by the Cylons.

And, oh yeah, the Cylons. They're not "chrome toasters" anymore. (Or at least, those aren't the ones we primarily see.) No, the Cylons have perfected a model that perfectly replicates a human being. Fanboy reaction: "That's worse than making Starbuck a chick! Now there are Cylon chicks!" Again I say: I could not be less concerned about the change. It's a change for the better, in my eyes. It makes for a more interesting story. The stakes are higher, the intrigue is greater. Especially considering one of the main cast members, Boomer, is a Cylon sleeper agent. Who appears to believe that she is really human, and who is fighting as strongly as possible against her subliminally programmed impulses to sabotage the Galactica.

Also interesting are the changes made to the character Baltar, who, in the original series, was an active traitor to the humans, and who was basically the leader of the Cylons (if I recall correctly). Here, Baltar is a duplicitous weasel, but mostly he's a dupe. He was having an affair with a Cylon agent, and gave her access to the planetary defenses of the human colonies (net result: the near destruction of the human race. Oops!). Now he's working with the President, while constantly scheming his way out of being discovered as the accidental key to the Cylon invasion. Also, before they parted company, the Cylon implanted a chip in his brain; now Baltar sees and hears her as if she were right there, whispering in his ear at all times. Kind of like Scorpius did to Crichton on Farscape. Only, you decide who had the better deal. Here's Scorpius:


And here's the Cylon known as "Number Six" (played by Tricia Helfer):


Tough choice.

The first two episodes of the new series have met the high standards set by the mini-series. I was wondering how they'd be able to sustain the story, now that we've moved beyond the devastation of the human colonies, and established the search for the mythical thirteenth colony, "Earth." But these episodes have successfully maintained the tension, the paranoia, the high stakes, and the interesting character arcs. And they have smartly split the action between the Galactica and the refugee ships in space, and a survivor fleeing from the chrome toaster-type Cylons on one of the old colony worlds, who has been befriended by Boomer (who is also still on the Galactica. See, there are only twelve different models of the humanoid Cylons, but there are multiple copies of each).

In short, I'm a big fan of this new Galactica in a way I never was of the old one. If you can stomach science fiction at all, it's more than worth checking out. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I can't imagine 2005 being a year in which this won't be one of my top two or three favorite new shows.

MOVIES: The Incredibles

Everything good you've heard about The Incredibles is dead right, and then some. It's simultaneously one of the best superhero movies I've ever seen, and one of the best James Bond films I've ever seen; it's one of the funniest comedies of the year, as well as one of the most exciting action movies.

Craig T. Nelson and Holly Hunter are Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl, a superpowered couple that is forced into retirement and a life of suburban boredom after a public backlash against costumed heroes. Their children, sullen teen Violet and hyperactive grade-schooler Dash, also have powers, but have been forced to hide them all their lives. Samuel L. Jackson plays Mr. Incredible's best friend, an ice-powered hero named Frozone (who disappointed me by not having a giant 'fro). And Jason Lee voices the Syndrome (who must have the same barber as the Heat Miser):


(There's even an excellent for-the-grown-ups Kevin Smith shout-out when Mr. Incredible tries to remember Jason Lee's character's real name: "Brophy? Brodie?") As characters, they are all more real than the characters in just about any action movie you can name from the past ten years, totally believable as people, not just cartoons.

The Syndrome's Bond villain-like volcanic island lair is endlessly dazzling to behold, with weapons, vehicles, and architecture so inventive it dizzies the senses. And the superheroic battles are genuinely exciting, with highlights being Elastigirl and kids under attack in a jet on their way to save dad, and a thrilling chase through the jungle (as amazing to watch as Return of the Jedi's speeder bike scene was, once upon a time), with the Syndrome's henchmen piloting what look like giant buzzsaw Frisbees in pursuit of Dash and Violet, who begin to realize the full potential of their powers. And the robots, oh! the robots -- it's almost to much to bear, they're so wickedly wonderful.

It's very rare I watch a film and immediately want to watch it again. Almost as rare as it is to watch a two-hour film and have it fly by like it was ten minutes. This film meets both of those challenges. The Incredibles may not hit quite the same emotional, heartstring-tugging highs as Finding Nemo, and possibly is not quite as hilarious, but in overall quality I'd say it more than matches up. It's a solid contender for best film of the year.

TV: Spaced

All this week, Trio is showing episodes of Spaced, the British sitcom (or Britcom, if you will -- but I hope you won't) from the creators and stars of Shaun of the Dead. (Possibly they've been showing the episodes for a while now, and I only just became aware of it.)

I've seen two episodes so far. The first one threw me for a loop -- I hadn't known what to expect, but certainly nothing quite like that. Lots of quick cuts and shaky cam and other irritating camera tricks -- it was going for the look of a film, but a really annoying film, one directed by Michael Bay. (Kind of like Keen Eddie.) It took me a while to get into the show's point of view; the creators are obviously heavily versed in and influenced by action movies (and video games and comic books), and are clearly spoofing those elements as they use them. (Most of the time -- sometimes I think they just use those elements because they think they're cool.) You can pick out about a dozen specific movie spoofs in each episode, from The Matrix to Star Wars to The Shining to Evil Dead to a bunch I probably didn't even get.

The second episode won me over completely. I had gotten used to the look of the show, and figured out who the characters were, and could just sit back and enjoy it. And I certainly did. When they got to a dramatic, elaborately choreographed shoot-out scene with no guns -- everyone's just using their fingers and making sound effects with their mouths -- I was laughing so hard I could barely see the TV.

The basic premise behind Spaced is that the two main characters (and the show's writers), Tim (Simon Pegg, Shaun in Shaun of the Dead) and Daisy (Jessica Stevenson, Yvonne in Shaun) are pretending to be a couple so they can rent a room in a house. Kind of a reverse Three's Company. Why they have to do that, I don't know -- I only got that much information from the IMDb page. It didn't really come up in the episodes I watched.

There's a lot of story packed into each episode. There are half a dozen main characters, and they split off into three separate plotlines each episode (or in the two I watched, anyway). And there are a lot of side characters with their various stories. But at the heart are the two leads, both of whom are very funny and very likeable, and who are going through the aimless, post-college, video game playing, bar hopping, still looking for a career and a mate, late 20s years.

It's a shame there were only 14 episodes made. Crazy Brits, with your seven-episode TV seasons. No wonder you have to fill up your TV with American reruns!

This just in from Germany

Follow up to my post about being linked by a German blog: Björn, the author of the post that linked me, was nice enough to send me an email and clear up some of the comedic translation errors caused by Babel Fish.

"Thus the Gehasse goes to some on the nerves," for example, should more properly be translated as, "Some people hate the hating" (singling out Legomancer in particular as someone who disapproved of all the Star Wars negativity). And "because it Han equal solo ones a whole corner makes desert" actually means "since it makes Han Solo suddenly a hell of a lot more boring." Okay, that makes sense. Where "dte rodent years" came from, though, is still a mystery.

He also said some very nice things about my blog, which proves once again that Germans love David Hasselhoff... and Tom the Dog. Actually, according to Björn, they don't even love Hasselhoff that much anymore, "since he gave up his talking car and started to lose his hair... on his chest." Poor Hasselhoff!

I am a jelly donut!

I just discovered the coolest link to my site yet, from Welt am Draht, a German site that promises (according to the Babel Fish translator) "The world at the wire, that are comments, information, thoughts and naturally News approximately around the world of the Comics and beyond that." Awesome!

The post (written by Björn) appears to agree with my recent Star Wars entry, in which I said I couldn't get too mad at George Lucas' crazy revisions any more, because of how my interest in his films has waned. Björn begins by saying (again, via Babel Fish),

Even 27 after year the Erstveroeffentlichung cannot one star Wars escape. And since DVD release still many less. Thus some hates it (some hates it even still more). Thus the Gehasse goes to some on the nerves. I can divide the opinion of Tom the Dog very well.

Which made me nervous. I thought he was mad at me. I don't want strange Europeans mad at me. I don't want my Gehasse to go some on his nerves. (If the Gehasse is even mine to begin with.)

But then he says,

That is practically my history with star Wars. Since then I saw the film in the primary school the first time, could not get I from the universe enough. During my early dte rodent years Timothy of tooth Thrawn Trilogie heated my enthusiasm up again. One could have shown me a Alien from the film the fact that for a Frame occurred and I would have name, homeland planet, life history, social security number and shoe size down-prays to be able.

That's pretty funny. Score one for Björn! ("Timothy of tooth", by the way, is Babel Fish's translation of Timothy Zahn. What "dte rodent years" means, I have no idea.)

There's more:

I was so bad... and where the DVDs outside am now: Nothing. It is all the same to me. Without which I did not notice it have star Wars its relevance lost... the first Trilogie have I for 6 or 7 years no more looked.

He hasn't watched the original films for as long as I said I hadn't. Look at us connecting, all the way across the Atlantic! See, not everyone in the world hates America!

But this is my favorite part:

I like also Empire still. But apart from it... nothing. It is nearly already no matter to me that Lucas Hayden Christiansen builds into the film (only the Greedo first shoots, which disturbs me... because it Han equal solo ones a whole corner makes desert).

Even Germans hate Greedo shooting first!! That's so excellent. I don't know what "a whole corner makes desert" means, but still... excellent. You hear that, Lucas? You've alienated your European fans, too!

Okay, I lied: my absolutely favorite part is really this bit, which appears after he's done talking about me, and which I shall leave as it actually appears on the site, untranslated:

Kleines Follow Up zum letzten Post: Mehr Gründe warum John Byrne "an jackass of the highest order" ist.

Germans are the best!

MOVIES: The Star Wars DVDs

Here's my two cents on the Star Wars films, which have been revised yet again for the DVDs:

My license on being a Star Wars fan has expired. I no longer feel invested enough in the films to legitimately get righteously pissed off from a fan's point of view.

Ever since Greedo suddenly shot first, I've been outraged over the revisions Lucas has made to the films loved and treasured by such a vast audience. (On a day other than today, I probably will still be outraged, especially over the fact that he's trying to erase the existence of the original, un-tampered films from the goddam face of the earth... Calm, calm, find your center, Tom.) But with the new DVD release, I've been thinking: why should I care so much? Because I don't think I even like those movies all that much anymore.

It took me a very long time to admit it, but the truth is Star Wars isn't a very good film. The dialogue is almost uniformly stilted, and awkward, and bad. (As Harrison Ford once said, and as I love to quote ad infinitum: "George, you can write this shit, but you can't say it.") There are only a few genuinely quotable lines (other than of the "May the Force be with you" variety), and even those are pretty bad. "If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive" is my favorite, but it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? Or, "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." Maybe the double "suddenly" is Guinness' fault on the line-reading, but still, that repeated word really screws up the line.

And so on. I really don't want to get into a point by point deconstruction, but it's simply not a very good film. It was different at the time, revolutionary, even, and everyone still remembers it with the impact it first caused, but it hasn't aged well at all.

The second film is the only truly great one in the series. Lucas didn't write the screenplay or direct, which helped. But it was the only one that was allowed to be truly dark, the only one that didn't lower itself to the youngest, simplest mind in the audience. The third one did a lot of good stuff, but it had the Ewoks. Nuff said. As for Episodes I, II, and presumably III: pure shit. I don't know how to sugarcoat it. They suck ass, long and loud.

But still, I loved the original trilogy for years and years. Then, when the DVDs were released this week, it suddenly occurred to me: as much as I thought I loved them, I haven't watched even a little part of those three films (aside from clips on TV documentaries and the like) since I bought the VHS box set... what, seven years ago? Eight? It's been so long, I don't even know if the videos are the original version, or the "Special Edition". (I suspect Special Edition, but honestly, I don't remember.)

How can I claim to be a fan of these films, a fan with righteous indignation over the despoiling of his memories, if I haven't even looked at the movies for the better part of a decade?

So, fine, Lucas. Do what you want. Shit all over the films. Make Greedo shoot first. Put Hayden Christensen into Jedi. Replace Chewbacca with Jar-Jar. It turns out, I don't care enough about your films anymore to worry about what you do to them.

On second thought, you fuck with Chewbacca and I'll break your neck, you hack.

Count/Pointercount

Welcome to those of you visiting from The Hurting!

Earlier this week, Tim posted a reply to my recent post on movie trailers -- specifically my comments about Sky Captain -- more specifically my wish for more real-life stunts, rather than CGI-created stunts. Since there are no comments on his site, I'm responding here.

(Note: I'm always hesitant about replying to things I see on other blogs, because no matter what you say, you're most likely going to look like a pissy jerk. Which is not my intent. And yet, here we are.)

Number one, let me just say that this sentence:

Watching real violence – or a realistic portrayal of fantasy violence designed to titillate the worst instincts of the average moviegoer - is just depressing.

is the only thing that really rubs me the wrong way. The rest is just someone having a different opinion from me, which I've learned to live with, despite the fact that I'm always right. But I really don't care for the implication that there's something wrong with me for getting a kick out of John McClane wasting Hans Gruber. Some of us average moviegoers are able to differentiate between fake movie fights and, say, the war in Iraq, and thus can enjoy action scenes for what they are, whether they involve human actors or CGI monsters.

Other notes:

--Action scenes with real people don't have to be violent -- I'm thinking of, say, the suspended from the ceiling bit in Mission: Impossible, or one of the comic car chases in The Blues Brothers.

--As for the ones that are violent, the CGI-type action scenes are generally violent as well, as in the Jurassic Park movies, or The Matrix movies, or Will Smith Kicks a Bunch of Robot Ass (known to some as I, Robot). Why is CGI-created violence acceptable and human-stuntman violence not, when you know they're both equally fake? And are there then varying degrees of acceptability? Is CGI-created human-on-human violence less acceptable than dinosaur-on-human CGI violence, which is less acceptable than alien-on-robot CGI violence?

--Speaking of which.... The specific scene I was thinking of when I mentioned "a million CGI robots fighting a million CGI aliens" was the Gungan vs. droid battle at the end of The Phantom Menace -- a movie which I hated almost in its entirety, but especially that bit, because after a while I started thinking, "There's nothing but a grassy field up there. I'm watching a grassy field, with 1s and 0s superimposed on it. Whee." That works for some people, obviously, but it bored the hell out of me. A real person doing a real thing can be exhilirating, like James Bond snow-skiing off a sheer cliff just before opening his Union Jack parachute; things that aren't there doing things that never happened is, as Mike put it so well, "like watching someone else play a video game."

--As far as the aliens vs. robots being "not something I can see outside my window every day": I've been in car crashes, too... but I've never seen 100 cop cars get demolished by a couple dozen 18-wheelers, like in Smokey & the Bandit 2. I've been in fights... but I've never seen Chow Yun-Fat and Zhang Ziyi in a treetop sword battle outside my window. Because it involves real people, that doesn't automatically mean it's something that's been seen before. Just as simply being computer-generated doesn't mean it hasn't been seen before -- if you've seen one CGI spaceship explosion, you've seen 'em all.

Damn. That's a lot of words about something no one will care about. Oh well.

And on a personal note: Tim, if you really see violence every day -- dude, you should move.

COMICS: Stupid, stupid lack of a better Bone themed quote!!

I forgot to mention: I got the phone book collection of the complete Bone series, because apparently I have poor impulse control.

I've heard people talking -- mostly negatively -- about Jeff Smith's penchant of returning to his comics and altering them for the trade collections, a la George "Greedo Shoots First" Lucas. Word is Smith may even have altered his previous alterations for this new phone book (like the upcoming Special Special Edition DVD of Star Wars). Might even alter them again for the future color Scholastic collections.

I don't really know how much has been altered; it's been a long time since I read the original first few issues (if I have the originals, why did I get the phone book? Because I only have the first 20 issues or so; after that point I decided I would wait for the series to end and collect the trades -- smart move!), so I have no way of knowing off the top of my head if he just fixed some misspelled words, or tidied up some glitches in the art, or actually made wholesale changes to the story. My impression, though, is that the changes aren't very drastic, and won't affect my reading. Normally, I'm a stickler for the original version of anything, but if Smith has made the book a little better in his eyes without ruining it for the reader (I'm looking at you again, Lucas), I'm just fine and dandy with that.