COMICS: More on Wed. 7/14/04

Okay, let's try this again.

Superman/Batman: As I said before, this story needs to end. Batman and Superman's dueling captions have been saying the exact same thing for, what four issues now?

BATMAN: I don't trust anyone because mommy didn't hold me enough. Superman's a chump and a doofus.
SUPERMAN: Batman's got a stick up his ass. I'm totally right to put all my trust in someone I've known for three days.

(I may be paraphrasing a little.) And I'm getting a little tired of Michael Turner's art. It's gorgeous in places, but everyone is starting to look like a Kate Moss-type, heroin-chic cover model.

She-Hulk: Don't care for the new artist. I don't know if this is a permanent art change, but I hope not. I mean, She-Hulk is actually wearing that purple and white skintight uniform on the cover inside the comic now. That's not an improvement. The last artist made some weird alterations to fairly well-established character designs, like the Thing and Spider-Man, but they were pleasantly eye-catching changes. The new art is more standard action fare. I hope this title doesn't start playing down to generic superhero expectations, rather than remaining the unique genre-busting book I became a fan of. (Although I have to admit, I got a kick out of seeing Nova knocked across town.)

Captain America: I'm a fan of Robert Kirkman's Invincible and The Walking Dead, but his writing debut here did not impress me at all. The characters speak in awkward phrases and corny cliches; Captain America is portrayed as a lunkhead on cruise control. The best part was the peek at Hydra's break room, but that was it for originality. Disappointing.

Fables Also disappointing. After eight issues of the Wooden Soldiers, all the conflicts are resolved off-page. Bigby wipes out the Wooden Soldiers, but we only get to see the Gingerbread House Witch's description of it. And the Witch vs. Red Riding Hood/Baba Yaga battle is only shown in one panel, reflected in King Cole's eye. Lame. After eight issues of build-up, we deserve to witness those resolutions. Also, Snow White's running and embracing Bigby was way out of character. First issue of Fables that let me down. At least there's a new story next issue.

Punisher: Which is more than I can say for this title. I've already complained about this tedious storyline before. All I'll add now is, I wish every goddam story in every goddam Marvel Comic weren't Constitutionally required to be six goddam issues.

Scurvy Dogs: Hilarious as always. Everyone should get this book. This issue, Blackbeard's crew gets swept up in a media frenzy orchestrated by Buck Rogers in the 25th Century's Dr. Theopolis -- remember him? He was the talking disc Twiki carried around his neck. Twiki dumped him, and now a gasoline-drinking Rod Stewart carries him instead. This book is sheer comic genius.

Street Angel: As is this one. I picked up the second issue because of a mention of it in John Jakala's Grotesque Anatomy (oddly enough, in a post with a negative review of the upcoming third issue). I really want to go into this issue in more detail, because its insane comedic brilliance deserves proper attention, but I will mention it involves a Mexican wresting mask-wearing Incan sun god, Spanish Conquistador Cortez, who strangely enough has a pegleg and talks like a movie pirate, a bunch of ninjas who ride fire engines into battle (so much for that vaunted ninja stealth!), Cosmick, the world's first Irish astronaut (Cosmick, get it?), and Jesse, a teenage girl, master of the martial arts, and the world's greatest homeless skateboarder, who fights against "ninjas, drugs, nepotism, and pre-algebra as Street Angel." I loved this book.