Thursday, December 09, 2004

He's just not that into you!

So I was watching Oprah last night, 'cause that's what you do when you come home drunk at 1 AM. And her guest was Greg Behrendt, who is a hilarious stand-up comedian -- or used to be, I guess. Then he started writing for Sex and the City, and now he's written a self-help book based around a line from that show: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.

Okay, first of all, I thought it was odd that Greg was the only one onstage with Oprah, since the book was co-written with a woman named Liz Tuccillo. Liz was actually in the audience, and Oprah briefly spoke to her, but primarily she was dealing with Greg. I guess she wanted to have just the guy by her side, so he could be the one dealing out the tough love. After all, she worships tough-love men. Remember, she's the one responsible for inflicting Dr. Phil on America. That son of a bitch Dr. Phil! Oh how I hate him.

But I digress.

Oh, and second: why are we not done with Sex and the City now?? The goddam show is cancelled already! There's a book based on a line from it, Oprah's talking about the book and showing clips from the show, and there's that horrible harpy Sarah Jessica Parker in all those freaking Gap ads. That show's another one to file under my list of things I don't get. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: with Sex and the City, HBO was somehow able to create a show so bad that no amount of gratuitous nudity could make me watch. That's pretty damn bad.

Anyway.

The Oprah show primarily consisted of various audience members telling their stories of woe: my boyfriend is great but. I like this guy but. And then Oprah would smugly crow, "He's just not that into you!!"

Here's what I was waiting for -- and this would've been so ingenious, I can't believe Greg or one of the audience members didn't say this, it would've been so frickin' great -- and I didn't catch the last 15 minutes, so maybe it did happen, but I seriously doubt it -- I wanted someone to say:

So, Oprah, has Stedman married you yet? No? Well, guess what, honey!

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!

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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I don't get it

Here's a few things I don't get, popularity-wise:

MUSIC

Radiohead: God, they're boring! Boring, boring, boring!! I listen to all these people saying, "They're geniuses!" and I just wonder, What the hell are you listening to? Because I fell asleep halfway through the song. Which song? Any of them. But especially "Karma Police." That's more sleep-inducing than two bottles of Nyquil. See also: Modest Mouse.

TV

American Idol: Why does everyone in America watch this travesty? "I just watch it to make fun of it." LIAR!! I know you love it. I just don't know why. "We are unsatisfied with your personal preferences in musical stardom. We will tell you who to worship." "Yes, masters. Clay Aiken is a delightful pixie, and not at all a disturbing, charmless little freak."

ER and West Wing: They're done, people. Let them die.

The Simple Life: And Paris Hilton, in general. In fact, this whole "rich girl" trend. Why we should elevate, as David Cross so memorably calls them, "these rich, giggling, country western singers" (only he didn't say "ry western singer") to icon status just boggles my mind. They deserve nothing but scorn and loathing, and yet our culture celebrates and rewards them. There is very little in pop culture that makes me think, maybe we'd be better off without pop culture in its entirety (this is a pop culture blog, after all), but Paris Hilton and her ilk are right up there.

BOOKS

The Da Vinci Code: Now, I haven't read the book, so this is somewhat uninformed. But if I can't make uninformed snap judgments, why should I even have a blog? So I've paged through this thing at the store a couple times, and it looks like a decent enough mystery/thriller, but this is ridiculous. You know what I think? I think this is a book that makes people think they're smart for reading it -- the kind of smart that doesn't hurt your head, or require much actual thinking at all. And I think it's a book people feel required to read specifically because of its massive popularity, not because of any desire they have to crack a good book. It's got just enough historical and religious mumbo-jumbo in it to make people praise it far beyond its basic mystery/thriller worth. I don't fault the people who say, "Yeah, it was a fun read." But anyone who says, "This is the best book I've ever read," probably hasn't read a book since The Bridges of Madison County.

MOVIES

My Big Fat Boring Stupid Unfunny Greek Wedding: Well, the title pretty much sums it up. I've bitched about this movie before, but I'll say it again: literally the only time I laughed during the entire film is at the wedding, when the mother of the groom asks, "What are they saying?" and the father of the groom says, "I don't know -- it's all Greek to me!" That lame, corny old joke sparkled like a gem in the midst of the other sub-sitcom level "humor". I didn't find any of her family to be wacky or impish or adorable -- I found them boring at best, irritating as hell at worst. Nia Vardalos is not cute or charming. She's a bug-eyed ham, with absolutely no charisma. I hate this movie.

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Monday, December 06, 2004

IN CONCERT: George Carlin

I saw George Carlin at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas last month. And it's taken me a while to get around to writing about it. The basic story is: I enjoyed it a great deal, I laughed a lot, I was thrilled to see my favorite comedian in concert. But he didn't really do an awful lot to merit my positive reaction.

George Carlin is one of my personal heroes. He's been using his comedy to tear apart hypocrisy in religion, politics, race, class, and language itself since before I was born. I've always admired his humor, his honesty, his integrity*, his insight, and even his anger. I admired the way he used his anger to craft scathing indictments** of those in power, the way he focused his rage into productively destructive comedy routines about the ignorant, the greedy, the insincere.

But in the past few years, the anger has seemed to swallow him. His comedy routines have become more and more centered around relishing the pain and suffering of others. His enjoyment of other people's misery and death seems to have become a staple of his act. And it's outrageous, what he says, it's shocking, and it still makes you laugh, startled laughter borne of sheer jaw-dropping amazement at his gall to make punchlines out of, say, terminal diseases, or various methods of suicide.

And I did laugh. Hell, I might've laughed more than anyone else in the theater; there were a number of long, awkward stretches with only scattered nervous chuckles. He was relentless, both in his choice of material and his delivery style -- machine-gunning his words at the audience, a rapid-fire barrage of speech that was magnificent to behold. Whatever quibbles I may express about him, whatever anyone may say about him, there is no question that he is a master craftsman, who has honed the tools of his comedy to razor sharpness, and he is a brilliant artist with the English language, constructing and deconstructing it in a dizzying fashion, using it as a teaching instrument and a weapon. For that alone, I am truly grateful to have seen him live. (He was clearly still developing this particular act, though -- he even told us he was working out routines for his next HBO special; at several points, he referred to written notes, though he never broke stride in his delivery.)

But, as I was saying about his material -- I began to wonder if he even wanted to make us laugh, or if he thought it would be even funnier to make us uncomfortable. I have an angry streak and a pretty sick sense of humor, so I was with him pretty much the whole way. But there were a number of people around me who were clearly discomfited by his dwelling on the death tolls of serial killers or natural disasters, people who probably were expecting him still to be talking about the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". Saying "piss" doesn't shock anyone anymore. Saying you sincerely hope the planet is struck by a meteor does.

But as crazy and outrageous and shocking as he wanted to be -- and he was all those things, to me, and to everyone else in the audience, judging from their reactions -- he also often seemed to be going through the motions. Like he just decided, "This death obsession thing is working, I'm gonna run with it." His bit about the methods of suicide, for example, just seemed to go on forever. I could feel some of the audience slipping away: "Uh-huh, uh-huh, ropes are better than guns... that's kind of funny, in a sick way, but isn't he going to talk about how you can't say 'shit' on TV?" I mean, death isn't all he talked about; he hit on a lot of topics. But at the end, it's the death stuff that sticks with you.

I laughed, but after the show, I wondered if he had really earned those laughs, if I hadn't heard all this same anger before. Because his anger has developed through the years, cycling through targets, growing in scale, and his comedy has developed with it. Until he finally seemed to reach this critical mass of anger a few years ago, when he started hating the human race as a whole, and not just particular people in it. He just seemed to decide no group or groups of people were the problem, humanity was the problem. And he started wishing death to everyone. And where does his anger -- and his comedy -- go from there?

His comedy has gone through two quantum leaps in his career; once, around '69 or '70, from the Ed Sullivan-appearing, tie-wearing straight to the long-haired, foul-mouthed hippie, and once, early-to-mid-'90s, I'd say, from worn-out hippie to revitalized elder statesman, re-energized and refilled with vim and vigor, piss and vinegar. (Possibly that had something to do with getting the IRS off his back -- refer to the link in my first footnote below.) If he's going to remain a viable voice, I think his comedy needs to grow yet again, beyond this rut of death and destruction he's in.

There is no greater comedian in the world than George Carlin. I could not believe that more firmly. In fact, in my eyes, there has never been a greater comedian. Some will argue and suggest Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Andy Kaufman, Bob Saget***, and obviously they're all super-geniuses, giants in comedy and in the world at large. But for me, for my personality, for my sense of humor, for my love of the language, and yes, for my anger, there's only George Carlin. And I believe he can continue to stay on top for years to come. But not if he continues in the same vein as his current act.



*Let's just pretend he never made those 10-10-220 commercials. And if you can't pretend, here's his reasoning on why he did those commercials, in an interview conducted with a financial website, of all things.
**Is there any other kind of indictment?
*** That's a typo. I meant Dave Coulier.

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Monday, October 25, 2004

IN CONCERT: Mitch Hedberg & Stephen Lynch

Last Thursday, I went to see Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Lynch co-headlining a show at the Wiltern in L.A. And for the most part, it was incredibly entertaining.

Stephen Lynch is one of my two favorite comics (along with Brian Regan, with whom he shares almost nothing in common). Lynch is a musical comedian, and he takes you completely by ambush. He's got this sweet, angelic voice, and he begins most of his songs with touching sincerity, and then, with impeccable comic timing, takes a right turn into the most hilariously mean and angry and vulgar lyrics. To take an example from one of my favorites, "Grandfather" (which sadly he didn't perform):

When Grandfather dies, life will be strange
When Grandfather dies, my whole world will change
When Grandfather dies, I'll scream and I'll yell
Cause I'll be fuckin' rich as hell
He performed a few new songs, most notably one about how horribly ugly his (fictional) newborn baby was, and did some classics, like "Special Ed" ("Oh, Special Ed/Mama dropped him on his head/Now he thinks he's a piece of bread") and "Priest" (about some horrors perpetrated on an altar boy), and he brought out his frequent collaborator Mark Teich for a couple songs, best of all "D&D":

I got my 12-sided die and I'm ready to roll
With a wizard and my goblin crew
My friends are comin' over to my mom's basement
Bringin' Funyuns and the Mountain Dew
I got a big broadsword made out of cardboard
And the stereo's a-pumpin' Zeppelin
It's that time of the night we turn on the black light
Let the Dungeons and the Dragons begin
It's D&D!!
Fightin' with the legends of yore
It's D&D!!
Never kissed a lady before (nope!)
Lynch has a great stage persona, by turns charming and confrontational. But a good deal of his stage banter, though played as ad-libbing, came off as transparently well-rehearsed (such as a bit where he took the black foam covering off the microphone, put it on his beer bottle, and pretended it was an afro, or a bit in the middle of a song where he and Teich -- and another collaborator who I believe was his brother, Drew Lynch, but I'm not positive -- broke into a New Kids on the Block-style synchronized dance, singing "Whoa-oh! Oh oh, whoa-oh!"). Worst was during the song "Superhero", in which he asked the audience to suggest superhero names. Someone yelled out "Butt-Sex Man," which is the exact same name someone in the audience suggested on Lynch's live album (also called Superhero). And even though he admitted he'd heard it before, he went on to make the exact same jokes around the name that he did on his album.

That said, he's incredibly likeable, and his songs are wickedly clever and funny, and I had a blast.

Then Mitch Hedberg came out, and he was also a blast. He's got a much more rapid-fire style, throwing out one-liners and short jokes one after another after another, mostly surreally observational stuff in the tradition of Steven Wright ("I have an idea for sweat shops: air conditioning"). And his delivery is so strange and funny and unique. He has this way of over-articulating words (you can clearly hear both Ts when he says "little"), or emphasizing the wrong syllable ("syl-la-BULL," he might say), that makes every sentence a crack-up.

But this is where the audience began to ruin the show for me. Hedberg has a (well-earned) reputation for being a stoner. And the crowd was packed with the exact kind of idiots you'd be afraid would attend a stoner comedian's show. They talked to him while he was onstage. No, they yelled to him onstage. Non-stop. They were entirely unable to comprehend that he was doing a job, and they were fucking it up. Apparently, if you're stoned, you think everyone else who gets stoned is your buddy, and you can engage them in conversation no matter what the situation. They called for certain jokes, and then didn't laugh, or cheered with recognition rather than laughing. They demanded, "Smoke a bowl!" They told him to bring Lynch back out. They said his name over and over. They spouted unintelligible mush-mouthed nonsense. Loudly. Non-fucking-stop.

And Hedberg was partly to blame, because he responded to them. He engaged them, rather than shutting them down like the disruptive hecklers they were. When they shouted "Banana!" he asked, "Which one?" and then performed both of his banana jokes*. When they told him to smoke a bowl, he pulled a pipe out of his pocket and lit it up.

What person does that? Heckling, I mean. What person goes to a concert specifically to yell at and interrupt the performer onstage? Especially when they apparently like the performer. Who does that? Who says, "I'm going to the Mitch Hedberg show, which would be totally awesome, except for the fact that I'm going to shout like the idiot I am and spoil it for him and everyone else in the audience"? Answer: a lot of people, judging from this concert. In the double digits just in this one crowd, easily.

It was truly a shame. Hedberg was very funny (if underprepared; he constantly referred to a notebook, and even said at one point, "Next time I should memorize my jokes"); I laughed frequently, long and loud. And he has a wonderfully charismatic stage presence. Possibly too charismatic, judging from the number of people who thought they were his best friend. I'd like to see him again someday, under better circumstances.

And I would've bought his latest CD, if it hadn't been priced in the rip-off range. Some concerts, the artists sell their albums at reduced prices; some concerts, the artists jack up the price. This was the latter kind of concert. The CDs were $15 (which may sound reasonable to you, but only if you routinely enjoy getting shafted on music prices), and Lynch's DVD, which is going for $10.49 on Amazon, and which I picked up used at a local store for $9.99 yesterday, was being sold at the concert for $20.



*I'm paraphrasing these two jokes. Also, they sound much funnier in Mitch's voice. "Someone asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said no. But I wanted a regular banana in a little while, so I said yes." "On traffic lights, green means go ahead, and yellow means slow down. But bananas are the opposite. A green banana means wait a while. And a yellow banana means, go ahead, eat it now. And a red banana means, where the fuck did you get that banana?"

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Friday, October 22, 2004

MUSIC: Slow on the uptake

I want to write about the excellent Mitch Hedberg/Stephen Lynch comedy show I saw in L.A. last night, but I don't feel like making a big post now, so that'll have to wait till tomorrow. For now, just a little something to let you know I'm still alive. Here are two songs which took me an inordinately long time to figure out what they were talking about.

Lemonheads, "C'mon Daddy", from the album Car Button Cloth:

I feel like Steven is my father and I don't know why
But I realized it when I looked in his eyes
I feel like Steven is my daddy and it ain't no lie
I wanna hold you till the end of time...
Didn't know I was your baby till the age of nine
Didn't know I was your babe for such a long long time...
Anyone quicker on the uptake than I am? Did you figure out what this song is about before I did?

It's a song about how Liv Tyler found out Steven Tyler of Aerosmith was her father, sung from her point of view. You've all heard the story, right -- how Liv thought her father was Todd Rundgren until she saw Aerosmith in concert? Yep, that's what this song is about. That's so goddam clever. Lemonheads are awesome.

Ben Folds Five, "Brick", from the album Whatever and Ever Amen:

I can't believe this became a top 40 hit, with almost nobody realizing what it was actually about. I actually got this one pretty quickly, but it floored me when I did.

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
How many of you figured it out from the carefully ambiguous lyrics: it's a song about him taking his girlfriend to an abortion clinic. And then feeling the emotional aftermath: "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly." Adds a chilling depth to the song.

Wow, way to close on a downer, Tom!

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