TV: This and that

I've written before about how disappointed I've been with the last two seasons of The Amazing Race. I actually stopped watching the show this season, because, despite the fact that I still think it's the best reality show on the air, there wasn't a single team that I wanted to win. Lately, the casting directors have gone overboard in casting villains (including this year's despicable Jonathan and Victoria) and have neglected to cast any real good guys. And so I gave up on the show. I can't invest myself in a competition where I just don't care who wins.

Well, that may have changed with the seventh edition of TAR, debuting March 1 (jeez, give the game a rest between installments, why don't you?). This week it was announced that one of the competing teams will be Amber and Boston Rob, of Survivor fame.

I also gave up on Survivor this last season, but before that I was a big fan. And the unlikely romance between Amber and Rob was one of the all-time highlights of the series. I can't wait to see how their partnership works within the framework of TAR, where Rob's scheming and Amber's... um... well, I'm sure she had some skills, other than flirting with Rob enough for him to carry her to the end... their particular skills won't be anywhere near the advantage that they were on Survivor. You lost me, TAR, but you've pulled me back in!

---

Point Pleasant was pointedly unpleasant. How's that for a headline, Entertainment Weekly?

I'd like to say I expected more from executive producer Marti Noxon, formerly of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. But every single advance review made me realize that I wasn't in for a new classic. So I had low expectations, and Point Pleasant completely failed to meet them.

So there's this gal who washes up in the waters off Point Pleasant. She seems nice enough, but it turns out she's half-devil. Isn't that always the way? Yes, daddy is Satan himself. But she doesn't seem to know that -- she just knows that weird stuff happens around her, like, beach bonfires explode with fireballs if some girl gets bitchy with her. And then there's a bunch of bland, dopey Abercrombie & Fitch models making up the rest of the cast, shooting googly eyes at one another when they're not actively bed-hopping.

It seems like the show is going for an O.C.-meets-the-supernatural kind of vibe -- the show even airs immediately following The O.C. But rather than sexy and campy, it's sleazy and stupid. Which, frankly, is a relief to me -- that's one less TV show for me to watch!

---

I've become hooked on Joey, for unexpected reasons. The two characters I was least interested in when I wrote about it for Forces of Good (which hopefully will be relaunching soon!), Joey's neighbor/landlady Alex and nephew Michael (Andrea Anders and Paulo Costanzo), have now become the most interesting characters. Matt LeBlanc's Joey is going through all the same motions he went through on Friends, and Drea De Matteo as his sister Gina got old real fast. While they've grown stagnant, Alex and Michael have developed, if slightly -- she's gotten tougher, he's grown less naive. And they're both nicer and smarter than Joey or Gina, which makes them easier to connect with. And the way the show often pairs them (as the secondary characters they are) together in sideplots makes me wonder if the writers shouldn't be aiming for a romance between them in the long run, rather than between Alex and Joey (which is the way the show originally was leaning).

Also, there have been some great guest appearances, from a surprisingly funny Lucy Liu, to Michael's nerd idol Brent Spiner, to Beth Littleford as the unwitting Alex's lesbian date, to Ben Falcone as neighbor Howard, Joey's hilarious, hyper-enthusiastic fan. In a recent episode, he wanted to apply to be Joey's assistant. Didn't he already have a job? Joey asked. "I'm vice president of the third largest bank in California," Howard immediately responded. Later in the episode, Joey refused to allow Howard to tag along with him on an errand, telling him he was going to drop him off at the bank instead. Howard pouted, "Aw, I hate that place!!"

With all the solid turns from supporting characters, Joey is becoming a reliably funny sitcom. Too bad they can't do something with that Joey guy.

TV: Who will be eliminated next? Uh, me.

I'm surprised to hear myself say this (or see myself write this, I guess would be more accurate), but I think I'm sick of The Amazing Race.

I've long championed TAR (as we cool people like to call it) as the best reality show on TV. And it still is, not that that's such a difficult thing to accomplish in a field that includes Wife Swap and the upcoming Who's Your Daddy? Even the good ones, like Survivor, pale in comparison. TAR has it all: gorgeous, exotic locations, challenging and exciting tasks, and an elimination process based on merit alone. No ganging up on the strong teams to vote them out, no "firing" a team on a whim. If you're last, you're eliminated. Simple and elegant.

But the casting directors have gone overboard in the last two seasons trying to find "dramatic" teams, teams they can sell on commercials -- meaning horrible, horrible people. Rather than the organic method of producing villains in earlier seasons -- let the pressure of the race bring out the worst -- the producers now appear to be specifically seeking awful, evil people during the audition process, people who are guaranteed to explode with fury and insanity for the cameras. Not only are they casting more villains (the ratio of teams to root for as opposed to teams to root against has been shifting in favor of the "against" faction since season one, to the point where, in this season and the previous one, there wasn't a single team I wanted to win), but also the main villains (there's always one team that deserves hatred far more than any other team) have gotten progressively more villainous. This latest season, the team to hate is Jonathan and Victoria. She's bad enough, a bitchy walking ad for the dangers of excessive Botox, but Jonathan... he is just the most vile human being ever to hit the airwaves. In last week's episode, he screamed and berated his struggling partner, who had shouldered both their backpacks after he dropped his, until she burst into agonized tears; then, at the finish line, he screamed at her some more, and actually shoved her while telling her how useless she was.

Actually, I didn't even see that. I read about it online. Because enough's enough. I don't want to spend time with any of these people. I've got two unwatched episodes already stored up on my TiVo, because I can't generate the interest to watch them, and last week, when I went to TiVo TAR, I discovered that there were already two programs scheduled for recording (TiVo can only record two shows at once). One program was a repeat of Gilmore Girls, the other was a repeat of Scrubs. And I just shrugged and said, Fine. I couldn't be bothered to change the recording setup away from one of two shows I'd already seen to record a brand new episode of TAR. I just couldn't be bothered.

It's a shame. I'm sure the race is taking the teams to all the same kinds of fantastic locations round the world, I'm sure the challenges are just as unique and fun, I'm sure the tension and excitement match the levels set in previous seasons. But I don't give a rat's ass about anyone participating. My feelings toward these people range from mild disinterest on the high end of the spectrum all the way down to world-devouring rage. I don't want to see any of these people rewarded. I think I'm going to delete the episodes I've got saved and write this season off as a loss. Maybe I'll check back next season, although by then, the producers will probably be recruiting the teams straight from Death Row.

Potpourri

I already mentioned this elsewhere, but I might as well mention it here too: did anyone else notice the little censorship moment on this week's season premiere of The Simpsons? Toward the end, Homer says, "You're still the best cook in this family," and Marge says, "Oh, B.F.D." Only you couldn't hear the "F".

I replayed the line about a dozen times. It wasn't a TiVo glitch, and it didn't sound like a recording error on the part of the network. Fox deliberately muted that one letter. Has the fear of reprisal from the draconian FCC become so rampant that even the initial of a dirty word has to be censored?

---

Speaking of censorship, go read Sars' take on the bullshit uproar over ABC's airing of Saving Private Ryan at Tomato Nation. She has crystallized my thoughts eloquently. Or at least, with far fewer curse words than I would've used. The wrong Powell has been forced out of the Bush administration; it's Colin's son Michael, the FCC Chairman, that really needs to go.

---

In case you missed the Championship Game of Bravo's Celebrity Poker Showdown, and were wondering if Dennis Rodman was still a humongous douchebag: rest assured that he most definitely is.

Early in the game, Rodman threw away a losing hand, cards face-down and in the muck. Tournament director Robert Thompson immediately declared Mekhi Phifer winner of the hand. Rodman then got upset, saying his cards should be shown first. Whether Rodman was even aware that his hand was by far the worse hand or not was hard to tell, but when Thompson correctly told him that by throwing his cards away he had forfeited the hand, Rodman tore off his microphone, said, "I'm not even gonna play," and stormed out of the room.

After the commercial break, he came back and sat down again with the other now visibly uncomfortable celebrities, but when he was later eliminated, he made a point of shaking everyone's hand but Thompson's.

What a little bitch. (As much as a nine-foot-tall man can be a "little" bitch.) If he had owned the deck of cards, he would've taken it and gone home. (And if it was all some crazy ploy to rattle the other competitors -- which I highly doubt, but you never know -- it sure backfired; Rodman was eliminated first.)

My prediction for the game couldn't have been much more wrong. I picked Phifer to lose first, as he was by far the worst player (with the possible exception of Rodman), but his crazy luck from the first game held, and he took the grand prize. He just would not fold! How do you win when you play with crappy cards every hand and never ever fold?

---

Of interest tonight: the debut of House, the new medical drama on Fox starring Hugh Laurie. Laurie is absolutely wonderful in everything he's ever been in (from Blackadder to Jeeves & Wooster to -- okay, maybe not Stuart Little), but I fear he might be the only thing worth watching in this show. Even if he is, that's still a darn good reason to watch.

Also tonight, the season premiere of The Amazing Race 6. Last season let me down a bit; after the first couple weeks, there wasn't a single team left I could root for. It's fun to have villains to root against; it's not fun when there are only villains. Hopefully the casting is a little more balanced this time. Either way, it remains the best reality show on the air, bar none. (Take that, Littlest Groom!)

TV: Reality, or a reasonable facsimile thereof

The Amazing Race: Still the best of the reality shows, even though this season has been lackluster. I don't have a single team I can root for, and haven't for pretty much the majority of the season. Colin is emerging as one of the most villainous players ever, though, which is always entertaining. His exclamation during one of the challenges on this week's show is one of the funniest out-of-context lines in the show's history, and possibly in the history of all TV: "My OX is BROKEN!!!"

---

Survivor: The season premiere got off to a roaring start. I loved the one guy who was wearing a BOB BARKER shirt. How random is that? But the men's team is off to a bad, bad start, just as they were the last time they split the tribes into men vs. women. What is with men and balance beams? Is it their bait and tackle that throws them off balance? What? And they also made the stupidest mistake that can be made in this game: voting off the strong players first. The weaker, older players think they need to get rid of the younger, stronger players right away. Well, you can't win a goddam challenge if all you have left on your team is the worst players, dumbasses! If you vote out the strong too early, then you're gonna lose all your challenges! Wait until the tribes merge, then vote out the strong.

The best thing about the premiere: no Rupert. Oh, how I fucking hate that fucking Rupert. Two seasons in a row with him was sheer torture. I got sick of him in his second episode. But for some reason, America loves him! Stupid America.

---

The Apprentice: I swore I wouldn't watch this show. I do not want to reward Donald Trump in any way, even if it's only by giving him attention on the TV. But I saw one of the commercials, where he just rips into one of the players, berating him over and over, "You were stupid! It was a stupid move! Totally stupid!" And so I rewound the TiVo and watched the last ten minutes... and I may have been hooked. God damn it! It's devilishly addicting, watching Trump ream out the losers in the boardroom. I love that one of the players, who suffers from permanent bitch-face, got shot down by Trump when she blurted out at one of his decisions, "That's insane." "Why are you even talking?" he shouted at her. And I tell you what: right on. I wish I could yell at these reality show idiots like he does. I may have to watch a full episode, and see if I'm completely seduced by the Dark Side or not.

POTPOURRI

TV: I'm getting way behind in my TV watching, which isn't healthy for my TiVo at all. It's backlogged with episodes of The 4400, Insomniac with Dave Attell, Less Than Perfect, the movie Clerks, and, unbelievably enough, last week's Amazing Race, which I usually watch as soon as possible. I think I'm nearing the TiVo danger zone, where shows are going to be automatically deleted to make room on the hard drive, if I'm not careful.

Speaking of TiVo, I'm a little alarmed by reports (found via Mark Evanier) that it's not doing so well, business-wise. Which I can't believe. Everyone should have one. It's the greatest invention since... well, television. They're dropping the prices this month. You must get one, I'm telling you.

---

MOVIES: Run, Ronnie, Run

I loved Bob Odenkirk and David Cross' Mr. Show, which spawned this film, but I didn't much care for the film itself. For one thing, it's inspired by a sketch from the show which I never liked in the first place: Ronnie Dobbs, a poor, stupid, white trash troublemaker, becomes famous for being arrested multiple times on a Cops-like show, and eventually an entire show is built around him getting arrested every single week. The movie stretches this thin concept way beyond its breaking point, while adding in various weak satires of other reality shows (a Survivor rip-off in which the losers are killed and eaten), and it fails to ever really pick up steam.

There are tons of cameos by some very funny people (such as Ben Stiller, Garry Shandling, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Patton Oswalt, Scott Thompson, Patrick Warburton, and, most random of all, Jeff Goldblum), but they never really do anything funny. I mean, when you've got Dave Foley and Andy Richter and Sarah Silverman in the same scene, and my only response is, "Eh," you're doing something wrong. The only one of these cameos that worked for me was Jack Black's performance of a hilariously vulgar song in a "deleted scene" from a Mary Poppins-esque musical.

There were a number of laughs throughout the film; I especially enjoyed the music video interlude by faux soul group Three Times One Minus One (played by Bob and David), and a Mortal Kombat-style fight scene toward the end had me in stitches. But I mostly felt like this film was a series of missed opportunities. The central concept could've been utilized to better effect, and the film could've been funnier still if the central concept weren't such a dud to begin with. Good job on putting Nikki Cox in a bikini for most of her scenes, though. Very good job.

---

"Summer, if you grade-grub one more time... I will send you back to the first grade."

I have to admit, I did a little grade-grubbing yesterday. About 7:30 PM, I noticed that I had 89 hits via my Sitemeter counter. So I pinged my blog (that sounds dirty) to get it refreshed on the Comic Weblog Updates page. I'm not proud of myself. But I finally got triple digits in hits, which I take pride in. Oh, wait, I guess I am proud of myself. Anyway, just before midnight, the site received its 100th hit of the day, which is a landmark for me. Drinks are on the house!

POTPOURRI

TV: What The Amazing Race is lacking in teams to root for this year, it's more than making up for in teams to hate, which is just as fun. Charla and Mirna are on the top of my list: little person Charla for constantly insisting how strong and independent she is, then manipulating others into feeling sorry for her and helping her, and complaining when they don't, and Mirna for being such a bloody victim, such a martyr. Everything that goes wrong happens because other people are out to get her, because something is being done to her, as opposed to simply resulting from her own weakness and incompetence. "Now we're lost, because we trusted somebody," she said in last night's episode. No, you're lost because you were driving the lead car and you were stupid enough to miss the turn. How is that the fault of the car following you, whose driver did make the right turn? Answer: it's NOT! Ya freak.

Also, I'm sick to death of Mirna yelling at her cousin, "Come on Charla, this is a race, Charla, hurry up, Charla!" She is hurrying! Her legs are half the length of yours, you dumbass!

Then there's Chip and Kim. Chip started out seeming like such a sweetheart, but turned into a snake in the second episode. He sabotaged Kami and Karli by jumping into their cab and refusing to get out until another cab arrived for his team. And now he's got the nerve to trash talk about them, as though they were at fault. What a jackass.

And the pizza brothers, Marshall and Lance: at first look, I hoped they would be like the first season's Kevin and Drew, wise-cracking fun-lovers. Instead, they make offensive remarks about women drivers and the native people: "Useless foreigners!" Check your passport, chump: you're the foreigner, and your inability to communicate with the locals doesn't make them useless.

I just hate so many of these people. Which means the Amazing Race's casting directors have done their job again! Way to go!

COMICS: All the foofaraw over Identity Crisis has almost made me want to pick it up. Almost. Because just when I think it sounds interesting or controversial enough for me to check out, I remember, Oh yeah, I couldn't care less about the Elongated Man. Killing off his wife is like killing off Dr. Marvin Monroe on The Simpsons: nobody cared about him, nobody missed him, and after enough time had passed, he came back from the dead anyway. (Or as was said of Monty Burns: "His condition was upgraded to 'alive'.")

BOOKS: I actually will have a proper Books post to make later tonight, but it might be fairly late, since tonight is trivia night at the local sports bar. And I can't miss that. One minute before midnight is still keeping to the schedule!

TV AGAIN: Don't forget to tune into Denis Leary's firefighter comedy/drama Rescue Me on FX tonight. Even if you're not otherwise inclined to watch a Denis Leary show, just think of FX's record with original programming so far: The Shield, Nip/Tuck, and, in my opinion, the best new show of 2003 (though sadly prematurely cancelled), Lucky. I think that puts the chances for Rescue Me being a keeper pretty high, don't you?

TV: Swing, you fat bastard, swing!

Tonight, the fifth season of the best reality show ever begins: The Amazing Race.

Where it stands head and shoulders above its competition is its direct correlation between ability and reward. There's no arbitrary system of elimination; you can't get voted out because you're nerdy-looking, or you don't share well, or for being too strong that your jealous teammates want you gone. It's a race, plain and simple. Eleven teams of two people have to get from point A to point B. If you're last, you're out. Straightforward and oh-so-sweet.

Part of the thrill comes from seeing the exotic and fascinating locations the race takes the contestants to; point A may be Morocco, and point B may be Thailand, and along the way you may have to stop at the Eiffel Tower, or Nelson Mandela's jail cell, or the Taj Mahal. But most of the fun comes from the insanely perfect casting, and the character conflicts and stories that arise from it.

There's always a team that you want to see succeed; for me, it's generally the wise guys, like Kevin and Drew from Season 1 ("It's Namibia, jackass," said one to the other after mispronouncing their current location), or Ken and Gerard from Season 3. (And the wise guys have traditionally done surprisingly well. Don't underestimate the power of a joke and a smile to get a ticket agent to bump you up to a better flight.)

But, even better, there's always at least one team (usually more) that you hate with a passion; Season 1 had the infamous Joe and Bill, aka the Guidos (a nickname they took from their pet dog), aka Bert and Ernie (the name everyone else called them), whose ruthless denigrating and sabotaging of other teams has yet to be matched. And in Season 3 (the odd-numbered seasons have been the best so far), there were Flo and Zach. Flo was the most incompetent, self-absorbed, whiny, evil little pestilence of a contestant on any reality show ever. Worse than Omarosa? By miles, baby, by miles. She'd pout, she'd complain, she'd bungle, she'd threaten to quit, and she'd blame it all on her partner (and her longtime "almost" boyfriend and obedient lap dog) Zach in every single episode. Poor Zach, of the Zen-like countenance and seemingly infinite patience, who had to give her pep talks and (in some instances, literally) carry her every step of the way. Flo was the most undeserving player in the history of game shows. And what's worse? She won. (Well, Zach won, and she rode him like a donkey to the finish line.)

That's part of the agony and the ecstasy of The Amazing Race. Skill is important, but luck plays a vital role as well. Sometimes the good guys miss their planes; sometimes the bad guys find a taxi driver who knows all the shortcuts. And the one lesson everyone should take into (and away from, I guess, if you're into lessons learned from reality TV) this show is never give up. Even if you're hours behind the next team, they might pull a colossal blunder (as fully four teams out of eight did one year) and fill the tank of their diesel vehicle with unleaded. Whoops!

The editing of these shows is brilliant. You know where everyone is in relation to everyone else until the breakneck, breathless dash for the finish, which keeps you on the edge of your seat -- who will be eliminated next? I can't wait to find out tonight.