Be careful what you wish for

What if I named for you a few incredibly gifted actors, and some of the wonderful artistic and critical successes they have had in their careers? These actors, specifically:

--Paul Giamatti (Man on the Moon, American Splendor, Sideways, Oscar nominated for Cinderella Man)
--Kevin Spacey (L.A. Confidential, Glengarry Glen Ross, Seven, Oscar wins for American Beauty and The Usual Suspects)
--Miranda Richardson (The Crying Game, Oscar nominations for Damage and Tom & Viv)
--Kathy Bates (Fried Green Tomatoes, Oscar nominations for Primary Colors and About Schmidt, Oscar win for Misery)
--Rachel Weisz (Stealing Beauty, About a Boy, Oscar win for The Constant Gardener)

What if I asked you if you would like to see a movie with all of those actors in it? Wouldn't that be an exciting prospect? Wouldn't the convergence of all that talent promise some brilliant filmmaking?

What if I threw in Vince Vaughn, too? He doesn't necessarily always make highbrow masterpieces, but he's generally very entertaining, from Swingers to Old School to Anchorman to Wedding Crashers, right? That would still be pretty damn cool, wouldn't it?

What if I told you they all had already made that movie together? You wouldn't be able to wait to see it, would you?

But then, what if I told you that this movie would make you want to kill everyone involved with its making, and never see a movie again for the rest of your life? You'd think I was lying, wouldn't you? No movie with that cast could possibly be that bad. Could it?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Fred Claus:


I rest my case.