Sunday, April 13, 2008

Night of Too Many Stars

Okay, so I just started watching the 2nd of approximately 800 airings this week of Comedy Central's autism benefit special, Night of Too Many Stars. And I noticed something weird about the credits: everybody is billed in alphabetical order... except Fred Armisen! He fits into the credits as though he were being alphabetized by first name, rather than last.

I'm not kidding. Here's the lineup:

Will Arnett
Kristen Bell
Blue Man Group
Matthew Broderick
Steve Carell
Stephen Colbert
Larry David
Senator Chris Dodd
Susie Essman
Will Ferrell
Tina Fey
Will Forte
Fred Armisen
Kelsey Grammer
Jonah Hill
Kevin James
Maroon 5
Jack McBrayer
Christopher Mintz-Plasse
Megan Mullally
Conan O'Brien
Rosie O'Donnell
Amy Poehler
Chris Rock
The Roots
Andy Samberg
Adam Sandler
Susan Sarandon
Rob Schneider
Sarah Silverman
Ben Stiller
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
and your host Jon Stewart

Okay, firstly, Stewart's out of order, too, but that's because he's been given the final position of honor for being the host. Secondly -- Susie Essman? Christopher Mintz-Plasse? The fact that these total nobodies have actually been acknowledged with a listing in the opening credits makes me think this should've been called, Night of Too Few Stars. (And don't defend Essman because she's on Curb Your Enthusiasm. She's about the seventh best reason to watch that show, if that.)

But my point is: why the hell has Fred Armisen been insulted by getting dumped down in the F's, when everyone else is listed by last name (or first name in the case of groups, not individuals) -- you know, like alphabetization is supposed to work? I'll tell you why: because if he'd been listed by last name, he would've been first. And somebody didn't think that was appropriate. I don't know who kicked up a fuss -- the producers, because he wasn't a big enough name to lead things off; Will Arnett, who isn't exactly a household name, either, but whose name is supposed to come second; the Illuminati, for reasons clearly spelled out on the back of the one dollar bill -- but I'm telling you, somebody didn't want Armisen's name going first.

What a screw-job! There's a conspiracy going on behind the scenes here, and I don't like it! This smells of typical corporate sabotage you can expect from those corrupt bastards at Big Autism!!!

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