Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Bionic Woman: I'm out like Shout

"I'm about to get analog on your ass."

"Bring it, bitch."

There. Right there. That terrible, terrible exchange from tonight's episode: that's when I decided to give up on the new Bionic Woman. I'm out.

I already went through this with Studio 60. Sticking with an awful show that I kept hoping would get good, while it just kept sucking. But not this time. This time, I'm not going to keep torturing myself. This time, I'm quitting while I still have my sanity. So long, Jaime Sommers. And what a shame.

Before I let it go for good, here's a list of a few other things from tonight's episode that irritated the shit out of me:

--Jaime's lack of concern over the 14 people that the original bionic woman Sarah Corvus slaughtered before being shot.

--Jaime's lack of real anger, or any convincing emotion, when face to face with Sarah, the woman who killed her fiance, Will, and her unborn child. I half blame the writing, half blame Michelle Ryan's weak acting.

--Jaime alerting the secret agency to her meeting with Sarah, then warning Sarah to run when the agents approached. Which she kept doing. "I hate you, Sarah. Run, Sarah!" Jaime's more wishy-washy than Charlie Brown.

--Jaime's awful, awful, awful sister. I was rooting like crazy for Sarah to kill her.

--The inexplicable casual friendship Jaime has established, between episodes, apparently, with several of the secret agents who monitor and control her. Now she's chatting on the phone with one of the scientists, whom she met for, like, thirty seconds last episode, like they're best gal-pals. What the hell happened there?

--Jaime can't take out four non-powered, punk-ass thugs by herself. Are we supposed to be dazzled by bionic implants that suck that bad? Ooooh, she's as powerful as... one person who can fight kind of well. Sooo impressive.

--Sarah tells us several times that what Will did to her brain, when reviving her from the gunshot that "killed" her, took away her emotions. Then why the hell is she always crying?!

This is an incredibly shitty show, primarily due to its supremely shitty writing. David Eick, creator of the series, who wrote this particular episode, also wrote for Battlestar Galactica. How did he become so horrible in transferring from that great show to this one? (In all fairness, he was responsible for one of the worst episodes of BSG.)

So: I'm done, out, gone. Any of you still watching, you can let me know if it ever gets better, but my bet is it'll get cancelled first. And deservedly so.

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