Gone Drinkin'

It's St. Paddy's Day! Which means I'll be taking a well-deserved break from providing you all this fine content, and I'll be drinking my liver into terrified submission. DAMN YOU, LIVER!!

Here's where I'll be drinking:


Here's WHAT I'll be drinking:


(Not pictured: a bucket of Jameson's.)

And here are the fine Irish lasses who will accompany me:


If I could only get them to quit that damn singing all the time.


Toasts and jokes:

Q. How does a newspaper account of an Irish social event begin?
A. "Among the injured were..."

May the road rise to meet you; may the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Q. What are the names of the gay Irish couple?
A. Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Here's to you, as good as you are. And here's to me, as bad as I am. But as good as you are, and as bad as I am, I'm as good as you are, as bad as I am.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

May those who love us love us. And those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He doesn’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so we’ll know them by their limping.

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!

May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

Q. Why did God invent whiskey?
A. So the Irish would never rule the world.


And don't forget to indulge in St. Patrick's Day's grandest tradition:


HAVE YOU SPANKED YOUR IRISH WOMAN TODAY?