MEME: Five Weird Habits

Apparently, I've been memed by Rob.

The Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits" and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly.

This isn't the kind of meme I'd normally participate in, but what the hell, I've got nothing better in mind, since I haven't watched Courting Alex to rip on it yet.

1. All my clocks are set to different times. Intentionally. My alarm clock is always early, by varying degrees, in a pathetic attempt to trick myself into getting up on time, because I'm never really sure exactly what time it is. "Is it really 6:40, or is it only 6:15? I guess I'd better get up just in case!" That's the plan, anyway. It's rarely effective. The clock in the living room is five minutes fast, in case I was intending to record a TV show but forgot about it until too late. It's not too late! I've still got five minutes! The clock in my bathroom is 15 minutes fast, because that's how much time I need to get to work. If it says 7:00, I can still make it to work on time. Kind of. The clock in my car is ten minutes fast. For the work thing, and because I just like being early whenever I can. The clocks on my microwave and stove are accurate. My food doesn't care about being early.

2. I talk back to the TV. A lot. Even when I'm alone. "Lose ten pounds in ten days!" says the TV. "Don't you tell me what to do!" I reply. "And what, are you calling me fat? Fuck you!" "Is your menstrual flow heavier than usual?" asks the TV. "Why, yes, yes it is," I answer. "Also, I appear to be lactating." "Say hello to Jamaica!" says the TV. "Say hello to my ass," I suggest.

3. I'm an ice-chewer and a beer bottle label-peeler. Interpret away, you community college Dr. Freuds!

4. I save the best comics for last. Same with foods. I eat the peas first, and save the steak to savor.

5. I smell the insides of glasses before I pour anything into them. This is a lingering holdover from my days with college roommates, when a quick sniff would keep me from pouring my Coke into a stinky, mold-encrusted glass, because somebody didn't do the dishes properly. Again.

Rather than tagging anyone else, I'll throw it open to anyone who wants to respond, either in the comments or on your own blog.