Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Lazy Post

I started 2006 all full of enthusiasm and the determination that I would post in this blog every day this year. Then I thought, well, maybe every weekday. So, yeah, I guess that's not happening.

Rather than let another postless day go by, I'm gonna do one of the easiest kinds of posts there is: interesting search terms that have led to my site.

Before anything else, let me set some people straight. All you people who have been visiting looking for "Cobie Smulders naked pictures" -- first of all, get your minds out of the gutter, you dirty bastards. And secondly, if you find some, let me know.

Any blog has to expect its share of naughty Google hits, and I have written about young Ms. Smulders more than once. But it's the really specific searches about stuff I've never written about which wind up here that baffle me. Like: "mrs stevens free videos from my friends hot mom". What the hell?

"David Cross chicken pot pie" -- I get this one a lot. I wrote about Just Shoot Me! once, in the early months of this blog's existence, and yet it still brings me nearly daily visitors -- or rather, my mention of David Cross and his catch phrase does. I don't have a sound clip, people! I wish I did, but I don't.

You know what else I don't have here? Anything to do with actual dogs. I've been getting a lot of hits for "dog's name on Out of Practice". I didn't even know there was a dog on that show. That show sucks. And, even though I've never seen it, I have to assume that dog sucks, too. I don't know the dog's name. Or then there's "x-ray of dog break". I don't even know what that means, but it creeps me out. And the people who come here looking for dog sex videos: you are going to hell. Just, stop looking to me for anything about dogs. It's my screen name, not my hobby.

Here's the weirdest, most specific search I've gotten this week: "What can I tell you that you don't already know about me? I mean, seriously. I could tell you about the time I won the Oscar for both Best Actor and Best Actress in a Motion Picture, but who hasn't heard t" -- it gets cut off there. I can understand why "Oscar" would lead somebody here, but this is obviously a specific quote from a movie or book, and I have no idea who said it or wrote it. And now I wish I did. It sounds like it's heading somewhere funny. Any of you have a clue? (I refuse to do my own Google search on Google search terms that have led to my site. I fear it might open a rip in the space-time continuum.)

And, last and best of all: I am still getting daily hits for "Misty May's ass". It makes me strangely satisfied that there are probably people who have been reading my site for months now who have no idea why that search term would lead to me, or why I find it so funny. And I'm not going to explain it. Do your own Google search!

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