TV: Freddie

You will be shocked to your very core, I'm sure, to hear that I didn't care for Freddie one little bit.

It never had a chance. I simply can't stand Freddie Prinze, Jr. Can't stand him. God DAMN, he is awful. Seriously, he is fucking horrible. I just don't get it. I mean, there are a lot of famous people that I just don't get -- I can't imagine why other people would willingly expose themselves to such talentless wretches -- but Freddie is one of the very most un-gettable. Who looks at him and says, "Yeah, I need some more of that"?

Speaking of talentless wretches, his co-star is Brian Austin Green, of 90210 infamy. I can't help but compare him to Neil Patrick Harris of How I Met Your Mother. First of all, there's that "three names" thing. (At least Green has dropped the "Austin." Time to give up the "Patrick," Harris!) What's more, they're both alumni of big TV successes, making their comebacks in sitcoms playing the lecherous best friend of the lead. But where Harris makes you forget his former role, and brings real life and humor and charm to what could've been just another sitcom cliche character, Green makes you wonder why he ever had success to begin with. He makes Prinze look like a comedic genius, and trust me, it ain't easy to be that bad. Every line reading is so rote and uninspired, he's so completely devoid of talent that... well, he pretty much deserves this role.

The show's conceit is that Freddie (playing "Freddie") is a rich, swinging bachelor and restaurant-owner in Chicago, whose grandmother, sister, niece, and recently widowed sister-in-law all live with him. A single guy living with four women!! Comedy ensues!! Theoretically. In a really creepy bit of casting, the sister is played by an actress who looks and sounds strikingly similar to Prinze's real-life bride, Sarah Michelle Gellar (another three-namer!). I think he's gonna be making out with her before season's end.

The debut episode (which is not the pilot; the network ran the second episode first because they thought the pilot didn't start things off well enough... wait, you mean this was supposed to be an improvement?) centers on Prinze and Green's efforts to get laid. I fear a lot of the shows will be like this. But it turns into really unseemly territory when Green decides they need to pick up poor girls, instead of going after the usual rich, entitled shits (you know, girls just like themselves). It portrays one of the poor women as ignorant and unambitious, and the other as really ignorant, as well as a thief and a whore. Gee, that's appealing: watching rich assholes in real life play pretend rich assholes on TV, while the non-rich are condescended to and demeaned.

I'll admit it: there's no way I ever would've liked a show starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Brian Austin Green. But it's not like my preconceptions are blinding me to a work of comedic genius. This show is horrible. And even if you didn't watch it yourself (and why the hell would you?), you know I'm right.