MOVIES: Hey, the dialogue is still better than Titanic

Classic cinema fans rejoice: Tuesday sees the eagerly-anticipated release of the special-edition DVD of:



The only thing that could make this better would be if the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 reunited for the commentary track. Although I find it hard to believe even they could make this movie any funnier.

Highlights from the story about the DVD release:

Among DVD extras are a tutorial on how to give a lap dance and audio commentary titled "The Greatest Movie Ever Made."

"It seems like this great lost Pinter scene where subtext is everything, until you realize that there absolutely is no subtext. They're just talking about eating dog food."

And my favorite line (italics mine):

Berkley took the worst of it for her garish masquerade as a stripper turned Vegas showgirl, but the movie also was a career low for co-stars Kyle MacLachlan and Gina Gershon. The actors declined interviews for this story.

No! They declined interviews about the most wretched, humiliating experience in their careers, and quite possibly their lives? Shocker.

Where the hell is Kyle MacLachlan, anyway? Gina Gershon survived relatively unscathed, and even Elizabeth Berkley still gets parts in high-profile films, bless her naughty little heart -- but man, poor Kyle. Before Showgirls, he absolutely was on the upswing of stardom, well on his way, I think, to becoming a genuine box office draw. Now, can you even remember the last film he was in that debuted on more than a dozen screens, if not directly on cable? Sad.

(And no, I'm not counting his role on Sex and the City because 1) it's not the movies, and 2) I hate that damn show.)

But at least Showgirls also destroyed Joe Eszterhas's career, which was a boon to mankind.