Fall 2007 TV: Premiere Week, Wednesday

Last night's Fox double header of anti-social geniuses, Bones and House, failed to impress me much. I like pretty much the whole cast of Bones, especially the super hot Emily Deschanel (along with her sister, one of the very earliest of the Objects of My Affection), and I like the idea that this opening case is going to turn into a season-long puzzle. I'm not really sure what I don't like. I guess it just feels inessential. I like it fine, but I feel no urge to watch it. I guess it didn't win me back after all. And I think House made a misstep by excluding House's former support team entirely from this episode, as well as waiting until the very last seconds to introduce the job interview competition that's been touted as a major draw for this season. I really enjoyed certain parts of the show -- the guitar-napping was hilarious, and the reveal that House's disfigured patient had been misidentified was a stunner. But, as I've said before, the show remains take-it-or-leave-it for me. I always like it when I watch it, but I don't feel I've missed out on anything if I don't.

And so we come to the Wednesday night offerings of Premiere Week.

CBS gives us the new episode of Kid Nation, which I don't watch due to my severe allergy to reality shows. (I break out in anger and swearing.) Then comes the season premiere of Criminal Minds, which I have never seen, but I understand Mandy Patinkin is leaving the show under unpleasant circumstances. Didn't he do the same thing on Chicago Hope? Hmm. There's gotta be a point where casting agents would say, "I don't care how good he is, we're not hiring him," don't you think? I guess that point hasn't been reached yet. And then one of the C.S.I.ses returns. Enjoy, if that's your thing.

Fox has an easy to ignore night: Back To You, 'Til Death, and Kitchen Nightmares, all of which had their debuts last week. And thank goodness they did -- now I don't have to watch Back To You this week!

The CW has new episodes of America's Next Top Model and Gossip Girl, both of which also debuted last week, and both of which I hate, despite never having seen them. (Okay, I've seen a few minutes of Model on MTV or VH1, one of those music video channels that doesn't even show music-related programming anymore, let alone actual music videos. And I gotta say: that Tyra Banks is batshit crazy.)

ABC has Dancing with the Stars, which makes three straight nights of that show. Seriously, there's that much demand for Mark Cuban and Wayne Newton attempting to cha-cha? I hate America. At 9:00, Private Practice premieres, and, as I've already said, this is one of the new shows I will not be reviewing, because it has already caused me unspeakable pain. And finally, there is new show Dirty Sexy Money, which may have a great cast but, sight unseen, already feels like it's trying too hard.

NBC has the big debut of the night for me. No, not Deal Or No Deal. After that. It's Bionic Woman, my most anticipated new show of the season. I fear I've already built it up so much in my head, it's sure to disappoint me, but that's my problem, not yours. Side note: really, NBC, you feel like the best pairing for Bionic Woman is Deal Or No Deal? Not that other show about heroes, oh, what's it called... Heroes? I expect a scheduling switch within six weeks. And wrapping up the night we have Life, another new show, and one that I am not especially eager to see. But I will anyway.

So that's nothing at 8:00, Bionic Woman at 9:00, and taping Dirty Sexy Money while I watch Life at 10:00. Not one returning show I want to watch, and only one new show I expect to be watching after this week. That's not a very good Wednesday lineup.