TV: The 2005 Grammys

There are exactly two things I'm sorry I missed by not watching the Grammys last night: Green Day's performance, and Sheryl Crow's dress. Well, I've got American Idiot playing right now, and as for Sheryl Crow:



Growl.

So, I successfully avoided 87 hours of a horrible awards show, and I missed literally nothing. And they wonder why the Grammys did so poorly in the ratings this year.

I keep seeing reports describing this year's program as "surprising," and that absolutely baffles me. Is anyone surprised that Ray Charles won eight Grammys (including Best Record and Best Album, which I still do not understand -- but please do not attempt to explain it to me)? When he just died? And his immensely successful biopic is poised to win an Academy Award for Jamie Foxx? And he's Ray frickin' Charles?

And similarly, is anyone surprised that Alicia Keys, Kanye West, Usher, Norah Jones, and U2 won multiple awards? Really? Then you are very easily surprised, my friend. Because I hardly even listen to new music anymore, and I could've made those predictions. In fact, that may be why I don't listen to much new music anymore: I find the vast majority of it wildly unsurprising, crashingly predictable*. I mean, Best New Artist goes to Maroon 5?? Wow, that just sucks. (But this does put them in the same category as Starland Vocal Band, which is kind of fitting.)

The one surprise to me is that someone who died didn't win a Grammy: Johnny Cash (but he was up against Charles). But that was balanced out by Loretta Lynn winning two Grammys. She represents a similar old-school kind of country (despite her collaborating with the very new-school Jack White) which I admire.

I was also pleased (but again, not surprised) that Green Day won for American Idiot. I loved reading about Quentin Tarantino introducing their performance, saying they had released "a concept album with a very novel concept: all the songs are good." Right on! Okay, maybe I am sorry I missed the show, if only for that.

Wait, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony performed a duet? Forget I said anything.

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*Not all of it. I think Alicia and Kanye are wildly overrated, for example, but I also think Norah has a heavenly voice, and U2 are -- well, come on, they're U2.