TV: Lois and the Shat

Two new shows on ABC Sunday have definitely got my attention after their debuts this week: Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal.

The better is Housewives, which is about the women of Wisteria Lane, all leading lives of quiet desperation. The dark underbelly of suburbia is something we've all seen before (American Beauty, etc.), but, as Roger Ebert often likes to say, a movie (or TV show) is not what it is about, but how it is about it. And the "how" of Housewives is all kinds of juicy goodness.

Teri Hatcher is the nominal star of the ensemble, I guess; her character is the least screwed up, and thus the most easy to connect with. She's a divorced mother of a teen girl, and she's never looked lovelier; I'm glad she's lost that orange tan she had in all those Howie Long Radio Shack commercials. She's sweet and sad and funny and vulnerable, she's got a believable, supportive relationship with her daughter (thank GOD there's one teen girl who's not a completely hateable bitch this TV season), and she's got the hots for the new plumber on the block (lucky bastard).

The rest of the four leads are progressively more screwed up. Felicity Huffman (who shares top billing with Hatcher) is the breeder, with three shitty little brats and a baby to take care of. I loved her on SportsNight, but her frantic, resentful role here is a little too frantic and resentful. She's still great in it, though. Marcia Cross is the Stepford wife, resented for her rigidity by her husband and kids. I can't decide if she's beautiful or frightening. And Eva Longoria is the trophy wife who's screwing the teenage gardener; to make sure her husband doesn't fire the boy, she secretly mows the lawn for him in the middle of the night -- in an evening gown, no less. Oh, and Nicollette Sheridan is the local sexpot. Now, The Sure Thing was a long time ago, I know, but didn't she used to be hot? She looks rough, here. A little too much plastic surgery.

The whole thing is held together with narration from Brenda Strong. I love Brenda Strong, from SportsNight, from 3rd Rock from the Sun, from Seinfeld... from everything. Too bad she blows her brains out in the first minute. But she still narrates the show from beyond the grave (hello again, American Beauty!). And she's got a dirty little secret, as the other housewives discover while cleaning away her possessions. As does her husband, who's digging up the swimming pool by night. And that new plumber isn't quite what he seems, either...

It's a soap that's trying to be more than just another soap, and based on the first episode, I'd say it's succeeding. The four lead actresses are all great, the mysteries and intrigue drew me in, the over-the-top antics and melodrama are good, dirty fun. And with the huge ratings it got in its debut, there should be plenty more to come. (The big ratings for this and Lost are making me breathe a sigh of relief for the upcoming TV season.)

Boston Legal, the spin-off or sequel or whatever you want to call it from The Practice, doesn't waste any time in jumping into the typical David E. Kelley ludicrous excesses. Much like Housewives, Legal gets rid of one of my favorite performers in the first scene. The hilarious Larry Miller doesn't kill himself like Brenda Strong; rather, he shows up to a board meeting wearing no pants, and is carted off to the loony bin. I have now seen Larry Miller's ass, and I can't say I'm happy about that. David E. Kelley, you are one sick son of a bitch.

Kelley's shows are generally brilliant in their first season, then soon go to hell when Kelley starts throwing in whatever insane plot twist or character development he can dream up. But with Legal, the starting line is insane. Denny Crane (William Shatner, or as Ian likes to call him: the Shat!) and Alan Shore (James Spader, so magnificently creepy with the smallest of smiles) are "eccentric" to the point of mania. Spader thinks nothing of lying, cheating, and blackmailing to win his cases, and the Shat goes even farther than that, causing a scene in a courtroom by sending in Al Sharpton. Yes, Al Sharpton really makes a cameo. That's how insane this show is from day one.

Also, the Shat refuses to hire a private detective to tail the wife of his firm's biggest client, because he's the one having an affair with her. Typical Kelley.

Mark Valley, who was so great as Keen Eddie, is stuck in what looks to be the typical tightass, punching bag role, which is a shame, but it's good to see him on TV again. Rene Auberjonois is in full Clayton*-mode, and it's a pleasure to witness. And Rhona Mitra, Lake Bell, and Monica Potter are three hot chicks. I'm trying to think, did they do much of anything other than just be hot... nope, they were just hot. And I have no problem with that.

I liked the insanity, because it's pulled off with such flair by Spader and the Shat. The problem is, how long before all the crazy antics, which were so entertaining in this first show, become tiresome and irritating, as in every other Kelley show? Judging from The Practice or Picket Fences, three years, tops. Judging from Ally McBeal or Boston Public, one year. Hell, I was irritated by the "Annie" storyline in this premiere episode. I'll stick with it for as long as Kelley and the almost unanimously stellar cast can walk that tightwire.

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*If you don't know who Clayton Endicott III was, I may hate you a little bit, either for being ignorant of your TV history, or for being too young to care.