This Week in IMDb Chatboard Idiots

Every once in a while I like to click around the IMDb chatboards. If you think comic boards are filled with trolls, fools, hotheads, people ignorant of any basic concept of grammar or spelling, etc. -- trust me, they're nothing compared to IMDb.

This week I ran across a thread on the Orlando Bloom page which was started by an obvious troll, but which has received 90 responses so far:

shegami: Hi. This be Shegami. I be good good hacker. I hack into Orlando computer and see he look at many site for engagement ring. So Shegami think Orlando be get marry soon. So too bad all you girl who love Orlando so so much. He going to marry probably Kate!!!! Hahahahaha!!!!!

Love and kisses and hug,
Shegami

All the girl who love Orlando so so much immediately take the bait:

Sugahunni: Thats stupid! He probably doesnt have a computer he hates the new technology.

...which, if true, makes Orlando seem dumber than anyone on his boards. Yes, shun the new technology, Orlando, that'll make it go away.

Rockin-Robin: LIEK 0mg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 u tink u haked into hiz k0mpter?!?!!11 LOLzzzzzzzzzz if u wre a reel fan u wld no he dont' have a kmoptrr cuz Orlizz a tekanafobe!! n if 0rliz wz l0kin fer egangemanet rings 0n the internet den dey were fo me cuZ he's marring me so0n!!!! hez in ma bed rite n0w!!!!111

I take it back. That's enough to make me hate the new technology.

AssortedDonutHoles chimes in by pointing out that shegami is a troll, and it's stupid to respond. But since AssortedDonutHoles is clearly smarter than 99.9% of the participants on the IMDb boards, the responses continue.

It really gets hilarious when CheLiTo ChiP chimes in to correct shegami:

CheLiTo ChiP: Shegami need to enter to english academy and learn to spell right!

shegami: You think you so smart. Shegami be good good speller. Look at all Shegami words. They all spell correct. Shegami NEVER misspell word. And Shegami have English as second language. Do you speak Japanese? NO THINK SO!

Love and kisses and hug,
Shegami

CheLiTo ChiP: I'll correct your text for you to see little girl,

You think you are so smart. Shegami is agood speller. Look at all Shegami words. They are all correct. Shegami NEVER mispelled a word. And Shegami hasEnglish as asecond language. Do you speak japanese? I DON'T THINK SO!

love, kisses and hugs

Okay little girl, let me tell you, you need to learn somethings yet!! I actually speak chinese which is similar than Japanese but kind of easier.
Then, my first languge is spanish. I live in Southamerica but I'm half chinese and half american. So, LMAO!

I love how she misspelled "mispelled". I think CheLiTo ChiP works as a copy editor for Harry Knowles.

Soon missyemmie14 is leaping to CheLiTo ChiP's defense.

missyemmie14: and shegami we just spell wrong cuz it's internet lingo. we do it because it's alot faster then typing this with all capitals and crap like that. ur a freak wow u know english like one of your poeple know english but ALOT of americans nkow japanese and other languages. ur porbably one of the only japanese poeple who noes english. because america is diverse. but japanese poeple r dumb. china is like 100% better they rule u!

Wow. Is 14 her age, or IQ?

shegami then goes on to insist she can hack into people's brains, because of the chips implanted by the American government.

shegami: Dear sparrowsrum123,
Shegami be glad you like thread. You be good good fan of Orlando. Shegami read chip and see you be nice person, but you sometime be scare because you think maybe alien come and kidnap you and take you to spaceship. This be deep thought that be in subconcious brain. But it okay, it okay. Lot of people scare of alien.

Love and kisses and hug,
Shegami

P.S. Orlando maybe be scare of alien too. He go to alien website before. Shegami no sure if he really scare of alien because he no have chip in brain, but he go to alien site two time.

Eventually, it all collapses into a troll vs. troll battle, but before it does, we get my favorite exchange in the entire thread:

iamfinethx: you be elite haxor, yes.

camapily: h4x0r, learn how to spell, dumbass.