TV: Deadwood

"Either'a you cocksuckers wanna talk funny at me?"

As you can probably tell, at long, long last I have watched the opening episodes of the third season of the best show on TV, Deadwood. And oh, how very glorious they were. Rather than get into much detail, I thought I'd just share with you a few of the choicer lines from these two hours, such as those of Dan Dority, above, spoken to a couple of killers in Swearengen's saloon. I can tell already, my vocabulary is going to get a lot more colorful in the coming weeks. Welcome back to fuckin' Deadwood.



Ellsworth, to Bullock: "At last you're meetin' with Hearst. If the chance comes up natural -- stomp on the cocksucker's foot."

Mose: "Go get your load on, Jane."
Jane: "Do not instruct me how to spend my day! Or to itemize for you my crowded itinerary!"

Adams: "I keep my ruddy color not asking Al his reasons."

Trixie: "Who the fuck was I just talkin' to?"
Sol: "I don't know. You said you'd just gone to piss."

Swearengen, to Bullock: "Best leave the camp entirely, as penance for havin' a prick."

Swearengen: "Don't I yearn for the days, a draw across the throat made fuckin' resolution."

Nuttall, to Harry: "I got an idea. Instead of runnin' for office and tendin' bar, why don't you just tend bar, and let everybody punch you in the face?"

Swearengen: "I will profane your fuckin' remains, E.B."
E.B.: "Not my remains, Al!"
Swearengen: "Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig."

Shaunessy: "The room -- how much disarray?"
Joanie: "No fucking disarray. But you nearly had brain on your walls."

Swearengen: "You ain't the center of the universe, in other words?"
Hearst: "Exactly."
Swearengen: "Don't that lead you to despair?"

Jane's story about working as a scout for General Custer: "Custer was a cunt. The end."

Jane: "Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live."

Bullock: "The speeches, the elections, are hostage to the business of the camp. Which is bloody. Murderous. And you know -- I don't like this tea."

Swearengen: "Change ain't lookin' for friends. Change calls the tune we dance to."

E.B.: "Could you have been born, Richardson, and not egg-hatched, as I've always assumed?"

Tolliver: "Don't fuck with the fuckin' Deity, Leon!"

Swearengen: "Not throwin' my hands up or my skirt over my head don't mean I ain't awestruck."