Tuesday, January 11, 2005

TV: Committed

I TiVoed the first couple episodes of Committed, even though I could tell from the commercials that it was going to be bad. And holy mother of pearl, was I ever right. That was the worst hour of television I've seen since... I honestly can't remember when.

I don't know why (or how) I watched both full episodes. I guess I just couldn't believe anything so irredeemably, godforsaken awful could slip past so very many producers, executives, etc., to actually make it onto the air. I kept waiting to see something, just the faintest whiff of what could have ever made anyone think this show had any quality whatsoever. And I was repeatedly disappointed.

The two leads are blander than bland, the acting equivalent of elevator muzak. The woman I recognize from her short stint on Crossing Jordan last year; not entirely coincidentally, I stopped watching Crossing Jordan last year. The man I've never seen before, and hope never to see again. I feel sad for Tom Poston, who wanders lifelessly through lifeless scenes, a great comedic talent wasted in an idiotic, pointless role.

Committed tries (and fails, of course) to mine laughter from the neuroses of the two leads. He doesn't like elevators! She says inappropriate things! What kismet, that they should meet! Ugh. And I've never heard such a flagrant abuse of the laugh track. At every single hint of the smallest of jests, a roar erupts from the studio audience, a deafening, hysterical cacophony of mirth; I can only assume that there is a gun to the head of each and every individual misfortunate enough to bear witness to this abomination. I can not conceive of laughter being extracted from any audience member by any method other than the dire and immediate threat of death.

This show is bitterest poison. It should be banned by the protocols established by the Geneva Convention. I hate it. I hate everyone associated with it, I hate myself for watching it, and I hate you for reading about it. I award it no stars, and may God have mercy on our souls.

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